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How to cope with incoming loss of pets?

chansfoive5

Hi,

This is a tough one, I'm sorry. I apologise if this is a mess, I'm a bit of a mess at the moment. Sweat smile

So I am 25. I have two dogs, Willow, who's just turned 15, and Daisy, who's 11 1/2. Willow we got when she was 8 weeks, I was 10 years old. Daisy we adopted from rescue centre 7 1/2 years ago. Heart️

I wasn't diagnosed with my ADHD and autism till almost 2 1/2 years ago. So I've spent most of my life undiagnosed.

Willow has always been a massive cuddlebug. Noisy barker, but a cuddlebug Rofl I swear she just always seems to know when we're struggling, she comes over and cuddles with us, gives lots of kisses. She's got me through some difficult times. She's been my rock, my best friend, she's everything to me. 

She got to about 13 before she started having any sorts of issues. Even then, it was just minor natural aging. Apparently average dog has 2-5 breeds in them. She has 9. Which probably has helped in the long run. She's mostly husky though. 

Yesterday and today she's barely eaten, which is very unlike her, she's a greedy doggo, she'll eat everything, she never leaves anything Sweat smile if she doesn't change by tomorrow we'll have to ring our vets. 

She's also not licking as much, usually she's always licking our hands, feet, random things. She's been sleeping on the floor more. 

Even if this just turns out to be a bug or something she's caught, it's starting to hit me that she might not have long left. It could be weeks, months, I don't know.

And I'm terrified. 

Obviously I don't want her to suffer, and I would put her before myself, I can't have her suffer. But I'm also terrified of losing her. She's my baby. The idea of not having her laid at my feet in bed, no barking (Daisy doesn't really bark), no random kisses, it's breaking me. ADHD/autism wise I don't know how I'll cope. Because she's been a massive sweetheart and helped me during hard times. 

Since yesterday all I've done is cry. I'm scared. I don't know how I'm going to cope. Our family is scared. We've never lost a pet before. Only major loss I know is my paternal nan, I was 12 when she passed, and it's only started to hit me the last couple of years. 

As they say, grief is the price of love. Which is damn true. 

How does anyone cope? I'm scared just thinking about it. Does it get easier with time?

Has anyone got another after? Obviously can never replace her, but I think eventually it would be good for us all, especially Daisy, as she's always had Willow. We'd probably rescue again. But I also feel guilty just thinking about ever getting another. 

Has anyone found anything that specifically helped them cope with a loss? 

I'm thinking when the time comes I'll possibly get a cuddle pebble with her ashes, to be close to her. Maybe a necklace. Not a jewellery person but there's some cute, light ones. 

I even feel guilty for trying to think of how I'll cope and what I'll do after while she's still here. But I feel like if I don't plan something at least, or try to prepare myself, I'll be worse. 

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to do. I just can't stop crying. I just keep laying on the floor with her and cuddling her.

Parents

  • Dear chansfoive5,

    Firstly I would like to say how sorry I am to hear about what you are going through, I know from my own experience how hard it can be to go through the grief of our pets. I hope that Willow is just going through a short term illness and will be back to her usual self very soon. However, personally I went through grief in stages as my pet was coming to the end of her life and I think this in some way helped me process her death. Please don't feel guilty over trying to visualise the future when Willow is no longer with you, it is a natural way to come to the terms with learning to live without our friends. 

    It sounds like a great idea to get some memorial pieces made when that time comes. I had a photoshoot done by a skilled friend of mine that is something I have really treasured. It was very simply done with a normal smartphone and some small editing. I thought that might be helpful for you. 

    I think it is wonderful that you are considering bringing another rescue into your family! It can be really healing to help another animal have a chance at a stable life. 

    It may help to take a look at a few of these pages on managing anxiety and tricky emotions. I know it can be really hard to take care of yourself when so much energy is focused on your pets discomfort or worries over what happens next. Please only use resources that feel helpful to you:

    I thought I would also share some bereavement resources that may help you understand the feelings and support available during pet loss:

    Hoping Willow feels much better soon. 

    Take care,

    Olivia Mod

Reply

  • Dear chansfoive5,

    Firstly I would like to say how sorry I am to hear about what you are going through, I know from my own experience how hard it can be to go through the grief of our pets. I hope that Willow is just going through a short term illness and will be back to her usual self very soon. However, personally I went through grief in stages as my pet was coming to the end of her life and I think this in some way helped me process her death. Please don't feel guilty over trying to visualise the future when Willow is no longer with you, it is a natural way to come to the terms with learning to live without our friends. 

    It sounds like a great idea to get some memorial pieces made when that time comes. I had a photoshoot done by a skilled friend of mine that is something I have really treasured. It was very simply done with a normal smartphone and some small editing. I thought that might be helpful for you. 

    I think it is wonderful that you are considering bringing another rescue into your family! It can be really healing to help another animal have a chance at a stable life. 

    It may help to take a look at a few of these pages on managing anxiety and tricky emotions. I know it can be really hard to take care of yourself when so much energy is focused on your pets discomfort or worries over what happens next. Please only use resources that feel helpful to you:

    I thought I would also share some bereavement resources that may help you understand the feelings and support available during pet loss:

    Hoping Willow feels much better soon. 

    Take care,

    Olivia Mod

Children
  • in reply to Olivia Mod

    Thank you Heart️

    I do hope so. She's tired, not eating and her muzzle is a bit swollen, which sounds like infection or bite to me. 

    I think the unknown scares me. And with my ADHD/autism, I don't know how I will cope or manage when it does happen, or if I'll be grieving differently to my family.

    We have just done the print things we have, we have them of their noses. We also have tiny jars with cork lids, with a charm, one for each of them with their name and a little icon, like a heart on one, infinity sign on another, and me and my mum have two each. We're going to put a little of their fur in it. 

    That is a good idea, thank you! I'm glad I'm always taking photos. I'm the unofficial photographer of the family haha. So I have many of them. I may print some and make an album or frame some. 

    When we got Daisy, we visited twice during December 2018, January 2019, around the beginning when my mum's birthday is (later found out Daisy's early January too too) they brought her to us for a trGrinningl week stay. She never left. She was terrified, hid behind sofa, barely ate, didn't know what toys were, flinched a lot, poor thing was so skinny too. And she was only at the centre a few weeks topsGrinning think. Now she's very happy. She's a bouncy, cheeky girl. She loves squeaky balls. Loves our back garden. She's always laid out there somewhere. And a lot of that is thanks to Willow, she's learnedGrinning lot from her. Heart️

    Thank you for those. I'm trying to do some grounding stuff, just struggling not to cry and to focus. It's so hard not to focus on upcoming stuff I can't control. Luckily I also have a video call with my therapist tomorrow so going to talk to her about it too. 

    I was struggling to look for something like bereavement links earlier, thank you!

    Will take a look at all of these. 

    Thank you so much