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Stress, anxiety and frustration

ALM

Hi 

For the past 8 months I've been in a very toxic workplace that didn't support my neurodiversity. 

I left the organisation and boldly decided that I wanted to hold them accountable for the discrimination. 

We are trying to negotiate ahead of a possible employment tribunal. 

It's soooooo awful and distressing. 

Does anyone have any tips of how to negotiate this awful time and how to look after yourself. 

It's so unjust and unfair. I'm really struggling with that element also. 

Any suggestions greatly appreciated 

  • in reply to Iain

    Hi Iain 

    Wow, you've been through a lot! I hope you're doing OK. 

    You are right, the injustice is so difficult to deal with. 

    Luckily I have evidence of asking many many times for reasonable adjustments. Only to wait for  months to have anything implemented. Most didn't change at all, particularly the very lengthy meetingsDisappointed 

    That sounds like a reasonable amount. Although at the moment I'm struggling even to entertain the thought of going back to work. The burnout is real. 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you Cinnabar_wing Slight smile

    Lovely to hear your kind words. Greatly appreciated 

  • in reply to Tamarinda

    Hi Tamarinda, thanks for your support and advice Slight smile

    Sorry to hear you're in a similar position. It really is a tortuous position to be in. I hope you're able to look after yourself and your needs during this stressful time.

    Getting stuff written down and agreed at work to helps, I think. I've got a record of all my reasonable adjustments requests. 

    Best of luck 

  • There is a company called Valla which offers free webinars about employment tribunals and has a YouTube channel where they give advice. There is a also a book called 'The Resignation Revolution' which is useful about employment law (I got it out from my local library but it's also available on Amazon).

    I'm in a similar situation to you with a toxic workplace. I'm currently on sick leave and I tried to negotiate a settlement with them for me to leave. It all got really stressful. They have now offered me a pay rise when I return from sick leave so I decided to drop the legal case and go back to work. I'm worried what it will be like when I go back though.

  • in reply to ALM
    I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement to not talk about the details - this is pretty standard.
    In my case I received a large lump sum plus 3 months gardening leave for a new manager targeting me - luckily I kept all me emails offline so could produce quite a damning catalogue of failures in process that led to this plus a load of other dirty laundry I kept on the directors.
    My cases all revolved around what I now know are my autistic traits but didn't know it at the time. The one time I wouldn't accept anything but justice it ended up with them not paying but my manager and several of his buddies fired thanks to evidence I kept on their embezzlement. The satisfaction did not make up for the loss in income there.
    A good employment solicitor can give a consultation fee for a set price (for me it was around £200) and advise you if you have a case or not. What we may think of as bullying may just be normal practice by poor management and not rise to the legal definition of discrimination, so it may be worth clearing this up with them at this stage.
    It's difficult to quantify a settlement amount as they'll never understand the devastating impact on my mental health.
    As I understood it at the time, you have to show it has affected you financially so you may need to calculate loss of future earnings until you are fit to return to work. Any other "damages" are incredibly hard to define as nobody really can quantify the cost of emotional distress.
    I recall being advised to estimate about 3 months of salary as damages and in some cases you can be made redundant too in order to get a secondary payout if the evidence is strong.
    The solicitor should give you all the current info (mine is not nearly 10 years out of date).
    Having proof seemed to be key so you may want to keep everything you have close at hand and keep a summary of the events to make it easier to show to anyone you need to.
    This post has been amended slightly in line with Rule 6

  • I don't have any practical advice, but just wanted to wish you well with all this as it sounds really stressful. It's such a brave thing to do, to stand up for yourself and I hope you can get a positive outcome. Hope you get time to rest and look after yourself too.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thanks for your response. 

    It's very practical and I appreciate that. 

    I'm with an employment solicitor. It was so challenging to find the right solicitor. Lots using AI now. Very difficult, as I have so many questions. Notwithstanding figuring out what fees are for which piece of work/consultation/meeting. 

    It's difficult to quantify a settlement amount as they'll never understand the devastating impact on my mental health. Difficult not to ask for something that significantly covers injury to feelings. 

    You mentioned you've used a Employment Solicitor to much success previously. Was it for discrimination? Any advice based on your experience of this process? 

    It's good to hear other people's experiences to understand how it all works. 

    Have to do it again due to a mould issue in a flat I rented. 

  • in reply to pinkchocoholic

    Thanks for your suggestions Blush 

    It's difficult to look after yourself properly when you're in such a stressful situation. 

    Taking a walk and getting some fresh air sounds good. 

  • ALM said:
    Does anyone have any tips of how to negotiate this awful time and how to look after yourself. 

    Using an experienced employment lawyer is a good choice and a route I have used several times to considerable success.

    You may want to try to find one with a specialisation in disability discrimination but these seem to be fewer.

    For your personal wellbeing I would recommend working with a psychotherapist who has experience in helping autists as they can teach you great techniques for coping.

    Good luck with the case - if they are already negotiating then this is a good sign in my experience. Don't get too greedy would also be my advice. If you want to make them suffer then I have seen way too many cases fail in court due to lack of damning evidence or a judge who didn't really understand the disability discrimination that autists face (since we seem normal to them).

    Of course this isn't legal advice, only my experience so don't act on it please. Make your own research and do what you feel is right.

  • I've not been through a tribunal myself but have tips for self care

    make sure you focus on your needs and even just doing the basic things (getting up, getting dressed, eating meals) is fine - if you have a garden or a little area you can walk outside in that's not too busy I'd suggest doing this as fresh air helps wellbeing as well. 

    not sure but the following might be able to help as well

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/employment/what-can-i-do-if-im-having-trouble-at-work

    https://www.gov.uk/courts-tribunals/employment-tribunal