• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 10 subscribers
  • Views 264 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Waking Anxiety

Alice-nice-Alice

Something I suffer from horrible anxiety on waking. Ive tried to rationalise it as simply the cortisol naturally kicking in, but its not natural, well it doesn’t seem that way. It comes with huge amounts of guilt, but attaching that to anything is difficult if not impossible. This morning for instance the feelings are intense, like Ive done something dreadfully wrong and Im going to be caught and punished. 

Im also diagnosed with c-ptsd so with that in mind it makes a kind of sense, but the intensity is out of all proportion to my life. I might have been having a dream (nightmare) which occurs intermittently where Ive killed somebody and hidden the body, then am terrified of being caught and imprisoned. I seem to be carrying this horrible burden, I know rationally thats its not justified but emotion mind cannot see that. 


My sleep is often bad, the nightmares are less than they used to be but I rarely get sufficient sleep. Lately Ive been having a frightening time dropping to sleep where Im trapped in this zone between awake and asleep, I get these jolts, Im unable to move yet almost awake, I convince myself Im dying and that I deserve it as Im a bad person. 


oh well, just need to get the coffee and get past this, we have the last few things to do at my old house before completion on Monday. 

Alice

  • Hi Alice-nice-Alice,

    I'm sorry to read that you're having such a hard time. Hopefully there is some comfort to be found in a community such as this and the responses you've had.

    Our NAS anxiety section (https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/mental-health/anxiety) is always there if you feel you need it, with some more detail about it here (https://www.autism.org.uk/learn/knowledge-hub/professional-practice/anxiety-autism).

    Please do feel free to reach out, and don't ever give up - things can and will get better.

    Warm regards

    Brian Mod

  • sorry to hear as anxiety seems to a major problem most NDs suffer, and to hear you have it on awakening is tough.

    My anxieties had also included waking up in the middle of the night with dracing thoughts and feeling my heart was rate was also elevated too - this was long before I knew I was AuDHD or was aware of anxiety and just was baffled by all the tests the GP did over the years that came back clear.

    I also couldnt fathom the pattern of these occurences , as sometimes they happened when I was less anxious generally - I could still wake up in the night.  I'm on ADHD meds now, and my anxiety has reduced a little, although I can still get anxiety in an instant , e.g. l WFH and if my mind decides to switch to work thoughts whilst I'm brushing my teeth , then I may gag and even be sick.  

    I've stopped self-medicating with wine,  and gave up alcohol in January, I've also cut down to 1 coffee a day, and have switched to decaffinated drinks too.  Obviously things like work, homelife, family and relationship issues will all be there and but I feel like I'm trying to do what I can to help

    Also google the "worry tree" - as its possibly the best tool and one kept from therapy from over a year ago 

    let us know if things improve! once you move (which as others said can be a major stressful event)

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks everyone for your replies. 

    I got referred to a sleep specialist but all he would talk about was sleep apnea, which I am certain it isnt. I needed to talk to him about sleep architecture and parasomnias but he wouldn’t discuss these with me. He had been insentivised by targets to diagnose as many as possible with apnea so I was of no interest to him. Unfortunately he was quite senior and his letter dismissing (discharging) was patronising and critical.

    Today went ok as far as it went, Id hoped to finish the removals and cleaning today but we will need to go back tomorrow unfortunately, I was hit by fibromyalgia exhaustion early afternoon and we had to come home. I felt quite anxious and low as we now have only a few hours to finish. My anxiety was made worse by a coach load of east anglian Reform young farmers types with silly caps bused in to campaign in our area for the bye election. They are little short of fascists basically who know nothing about our constituency.

    Anyway we managed to get some sleep and cuddles while they terrorised the neighbours with their bigotry. Its cat feeding time now and the herd are gathering Joy cat  we have four, all rescues. 

    Alice

  • I think it might be the stress of moving. The change of routines, the uncertainty, the anticipatory anxiety, probably all create a threat response, pulling you into old fears and mixing it up in your head.

    Hopefully things will get better once this is over.

    My brain is also quite good at tormenting me when stressed. 

    Sleep is when you are vulnerable, so you have to feel safe to sleep.

  • It is so hard being in that place where you need to get to sleep but can't. I wonder if you have contacted your GP in case they are able to refer you to a sleep specialist. 

  • Hey, hope it's lessened a bit with the coffee now. 

    There's obviously nothing I can say that would really help, but just wanted to say that must be hard. C-ptsd makes it hard to address, a lifetime of feeling you have to hide yourself from hurt and the fear of people finding out and judging you. It's tough, I hope writing it down helps a bit. 

    I do hope you feel a little better after the house sale and moving is all sorted. Wishing you many happier memories in the new place to help guard against the bad ones.