Something I suffer from horrible anxiety on waking. Ive tried to rationalise it as simply the cortisol naturally kicking in, but its not natural, well it doesn’t seem that way. It comes with huge amounts of guilt, but attaching that to anything is difficult if not impossible. This morning for instance the feelings are intense, like Ive done something dreadfully wrong and Im going to be caught and punished.
Im also diagnosed with c-ptsd so with that in mind it makes a kind of sense, but the intensity is out of all proportion to my life. I might have been having a dream (nightmare) which occurs intermittently where Ive killed somebody and hidden the body, then am terrified of being caught and imprisoned. I seem to be carrying this horrible burden, I know rationally thats its not justified but emotion mind cannot see that.
My sleep is often bad, the nightmares are less than they used to be but I rarely get sufficient sleep. Lately Ive been having a frightening time dropping to sleep where Im trapped in this zone between awake and asleep, I get these jolts, Im unable to move yet almost awake, I convince myself Im dying and that I deserve it as Im a bad person.
oh well, just need to get the coffee and get past this, we have the last few things to do at my old house before completion on Monday.
Alice
