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Feeling lost

Pianocake

Hello,

I recieved my austism diagnosed a few weeks ago now however I'm really struggling with myself.

I did feel confused and unsure but I thought after reading some articles and books I would've begun to feel more at ease and knowing just a tiny bit more about myself. I've tried implementing somethings that I've read but it feels more like it's backfired in that others don't like it or it makes me feel uncomfortable. 

Then this article from Dr Frith has come out and now I'm questioning was my diagnosis correct am I autistic at all?! I just have no clue, I feel like I've lost myself and don't know who I am anymore. Everything is heightened, I'm over analysing everything and I'm just unhappy.

I have signed up for some suppprt sessions so just waiting to hear about those. But I wondered what others have done in this situation and if anything I'm hoping to find people who understand.

  • Hi and welcome to the community. I'm not formally diagnosed but have been a member of this forum as a "self discovered" autistic woman for almost 9 years now. I've always felt accepted here, but that Uta Frith article made me feel a bit like I might be an imposter, so you're not alone in how it affected you.

    Would you be happy to share what you have tried implementing, so that we can advise if we've tried the same things and what worked for us?

  • ...and Dr Frith has come in for a lot of criticism, for that.  The experiences of people picked up in childhood, whose Autism might be more apparent, and those who have flown under the radar might be radically different but we do have differences in all the same domains and we are all Autistic.  What worries me is the agenda that rather than welcome and support the needs of those of us who come to our truth so late, this sort of thing will play into the hands of those who would rather pretend our experience isn't real and doesn't need supporting and therefore doesn't require institutional change or any money spending!  

    Politics of Autism aside, I hear you.  It is a lot to assimilate, so give yourself some time.  Reading the experiences of others was something I personally found to be enormously helpful, but ultimately the answers as to how best to process all that and what to do to help yourself going forward are entirely your own.  What works for one person and one context doesn't always work for another.  The support sessions could prove very beneficial.  Personally, I get a huge sense of joy and relief being amongst like minds - suddenly you don't have to over-explain or justify anything whilst with them - 'cos they all get it.

    As for the "others" that "don't like it"....hmmmm...age old issue.  Some people will genuinely welcome our unmasked selves.  Other Autistic people certainly will. Others just want every one in boxes behaving the way and having only the needs THEY can cope with.  They can react by minimising your experience or expecting you to mask in order to be accepted.  Whether you play ball with them or not is your choice.  Some times it is sadly a survival strategy to mask, some time it is enormously liberating to just be yourself.  There's no easy answer, I guess it's down to how much you trust the people and the situation.  But ultimately, I'd ask myself the question:  "how much do I really need the approval of that person"?  If they don't want to appreciate you as you are, whose problem and whose loss it is anyway?  The answer is always theirs, but how much do you want to pander to it?

    Personally, I do believe it's important to try and understand how the neurotypical brain works and what it needs so that I can better understand them and their perspective, but I do rather expect them to put the same work into understanding mine - a bit like the effort a Chinese and French person might put into establishing communication in a language that isn't their own.  Both know it won't be perfect but if they both put equal effort in, respect and friendship can be established.  The relationship may not be worth while if they don't want to push past their own norms and understand the other.

  • Hello and welcome. 

    I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling with yourself.

    Please do not be too discouraged about your early attempts to try new approaches - I think it can take most of us a while to experiment, refine and discover some things which help us in different situations and settings.

    There is another thread which might be of interest in exploring the reaction of various people to Dr Frith's recent article:

     Is Autism too inclusive?! 

    It is good to hear you have signed up for some support sessions.

    I also wondered; if you had seen this section on the main website (it has ideas to consider after diagnosis):

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/after-diagnosis

    Do please keep asking your questions - as there are so many people here on the forum - that there is a very good chance that others will share some of your post-diagnosis feelings / experiences (and understand).

    Best wishes.