Feeling lost

Hi Pianocake the post-diagnosis period is tough as it both validates and untethers. Lots of emotions. Reading is good, trying things out is good, being more authentic is helpful. Self-compassion is the key, I think. You are not broken or lesser. You are different and equal.

Some people may not like changes to how you behave, expressing your needs, etc. Their reaction is theirs to own and you don't have to revert. Know that all us autistic folk are individuals, so find out what is nourishing and true for you.

Science is still learning more about autism and though Prof Frith is recognised in her field, her recent opinions (which naturally exist in a political and resource-constrained context) are disputed by other recognised experts.

Neuroaffirming professionals (counsellors, therapists, healthcare workers) are very helpful at this stage and the company of other neurodivergent people is good too. Being here on this community is a great start, so welcome!

I was 50 before anyone mentioned that I could be autistic and a further 3 years before I was finally assessed. You'd think that it wouldn't be such a big thing, you are still you, you just have a little more information about yourself that shouldn't really change much at all,but it does, it changes everything that you considered to be you.

I was hit by this huge wave of grief of all the supposedly lost possibilities and also the seemingly never ending identity crisis of who the hell am I (really). I found that I'd been masking and mirroring my whole life just to feel accepted by my peers, those acts had fundamentally broken something inside me.

I found that talking to a professional and researching my condition((s) I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD 8 months later)) really helpful. This site has a wealth of links and knowledge and the good people on here can usually be relied on to point you in the right direction.

I'm about 15 months post diagnosis and I still either have my doubts and the diagnosis or I'm just feel completely broken and unworthy.

It will take time and I suppose it's different for all of us, I'm hoping I gain some sort self acceptance sooner rather than later.

Anyway welcome and take care.

Hi and welcome to the community. I'm not formally diagnosed but have been a member of this forum as a "self discovered" autistic woman for almost 9 years now. I've always felt accepted here, but that Uta Frith article made me feel a bit like I might be an imposter, so you're not alone in how it affected you.

Would you be happy to share what you have tried implementing, so that we can advise if we've tried the same things and what worked for us?

...and Dr Frith has come in for a lot of criticism, for that.  The experiences of people picked up in childhood, whose Autism might be more apparent, and those who have flown under the radar might be radically different but we do have differences in all the same domains and we are all Autistic.  What worries me is the agenda that rather than welcome and support the needs of those of us who come to our truth so late, this sort of thing will play into the hands of those who would rather pretend our experience isn't real and doesn't need supporting and therefore doesn't require institutional change or any money spending!  

Politics of Autism aside, I hear you.  It is a lot to assimilate, so give yourself some time.  Reading the experiences of others was something I personally found to be enormously helpful, but ultimately the answers as to how best to process all that and what to do to help yourself going forward are entirely your own.  What works for one person and one context doesn't always work for another.  The support sessions could prove very beneficial.  Personally, I get a huge sense of joy and relief being amongst like minds - suddenly you don't have to over-explain or justify anything whilst with them - 'cos they all get it.

As for the "others" that "don't like it"....hmmmm...age old issue.  Some people will genuinely welcome our unmasked selves.  Other Autistic people certainly will. Others just want every one in boxes behaving the way and having only the needs THEY can cope with.  They can react by minimising your experience or expecting you to mask in order to be accepted.  Whether you play ball with them or not is your choice.  Some times it is sadly a survival strategy to mask, some time it is enormously liberating to just be yourself.  There's no easy answer, I guess it's down to how much you trust the people and the situation.  But ultimately, I'd ask myself the question:  "how much do I really need the approval of that person"?  If they don't want to appreciate you as you are, whose problem and whose loss it is anyway?  The answer is always theirs, but how much do you want to pander to it?

Personally, I do believe it's important to try and understand how the neurotypical brain works and what it needs so that I can better understand them and their perspective, but I do rather expect them to put the same work into understanding mine - a bit like the effort a Chinese and French person might put into establishing communication in a language that isn't their own.  Both know it won't be perfect but if they both put equal effort in, respect and friendship can be established.  The relationship may not be worth while if they don't want to push past their own norms and understand the other.

Hello and welcome. 

I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling with yourself.

Please do not be too discouraged about your early attempts to try new approaches - I think it can take most of us a while to experiment, refine and discover some things which help us in different situations and settings.

There is another thread which might be of interest in exploring the reaction of various people to Dr Frith's recent article:

 Is Autism too inclusive?! 

It is good to hear you have signed up for some support sessions.

I also wondered; if you had seen this section on the main website (it has ideas to consider after diagnosis):

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/diagnosis/after-diagnosis

Do please keep asking your questions - as there are so many people here on the forum - that there is a very good chance that others will share some of your post-diagnosis feelings / experiences (and understand).

Best wishes.