Anyone else always been told to smile?

I'm blessed with a resting angry face. In my quieter or unguarded moments I sort of relapse into my natural state.

I can do it just to fit the mood or room but it really does feel right.

I was having yet another unsuccessful round of CBT and the practitioner suggested that I should smile as if I did my brain would finally take the hint and I would start to feel happy.

It really did happen, I'm not wandering around with a rictus grin nailed into my face if I'm really not feeling it. I believe the term is "fake it until you make it".

Yes . It's something that drives me bananas. Firstly being told to smile. Which I don't understand at all. I mean I wouldn't dream of telling someone what their facial expression should be. To me it feels so odd.

In photos the flash makes me blink so most photos I'm closing my eyes. Which becomes a running joke in my family but leaves me feeling even more different. I've never understood how people can smile.naturally on demand, I've never been able to do it. If I try I just pull a stupid face and then people comment that I'm pulling a strange face, so you can't win. Either way one can come away just feeling even more excluded. 

I get that a lot. 

Personally, I believe in only smiling when I'm genuinely happy. A fake smile is just a waste of energy

This also happened to me a lot when I was younger as I didn't know how to express my emotions. More recently in the workplace I have been accussed of looking aggressive and that people do not know if I am joking or not because I have a deadpan facial expression.

Also I hate with a big 'H' having my photo taken but the worst is having to look at them. Add to that a lot of meetings are done online via zoom or teams and I prefer not to have my camera on incase I look at myself. It gives me the creeps  but I understand that it is the etiquette to have your camera on. Sometimes I just say my camera has a glitch and isn't working just to be able to fully concentrate on the meeting. 

Yep!  Get that one from time to time.  That and enquiries as to what is "wrong" when actually, I'm fine.  And of course I can't arrange my face for a photo.  The only good ones that exist of me are where I am looking into the distance or else I've been caught off guard.

Most of my life, I had no idea that I am Autistic and just scratched my head as to why anyone would think I was other than fine.  These days, I just simply state: I'm autistic, my face does it's own thing and doesn't necessarily indicate how I feel.  Yes, it's annoying but I can't blame people who aren't aware.  All I can do is educate, I guess.

I used to get it all the time when I was younger, like I mean from when I was a child to I guess maybe 40-ish, but I've not been told 'cheer up' or whatever for years now.
I don't think my expression has changed so I think it's more that for some reason people feel more inclined to comment to younger people.
So, not sure what the solution is here, getting old isn't really a good immediate plan!

I don't necessarily think people mean any harm but it doesn't make me think well of someone who makes unsolicited comments on the appearance of others, it's rude and thoughtless.

I often used to be told to smile or cheer up (it may never happen) when I was younger. I look like I want to kill someone in my first school photo at four years old. I have to ‘set’ my face when I leave the house because my normal face concerns other people. The advantage of being older now is that people don’t bother so much about my face.

To all who have passport/driving licence photos which don’t reflect what you really look like. GET OVER IT! It is an accurate representation of your face which security/customs/police use to identify you. That is what you look like! (said the comedian Michael McIntyre, or he said something similar)  

This has happened to me a reasonable amount of times. In school my classmates actively try to "cheer me up" even when I don't feel sad. And my passport photo is HORRID. I couldn't stop smiling because I was nervous so I look constipated in my one XD

I look like a drug addict on my passport photos, it dosent' help that my skin is naturally very pale and tends to reflect the light.

Does anyone have a passport photo that looks normal?

I worked out why I look like an international terrorist on passport photographs. They tell you not to smile for the photo, but I have found that a very slight smile seems necessary for me to look 'natural' or 'neutral'. If I don't put on a very slight smile, I look like I'm contemplating murder.

Yes, it's absolutely my wholelife experience,  till this very day. I used to be scolded and called ugly names because of that, I ised to hear that im unlikeable and it was all my fault.  All these situations damaged me mentally. Earlier I had no idea how to react. Awareness about autism and self reflection gave me some ideas how to explain to others and avoid another misunderstanding. 

Constantly but mainly from my parents. It still confuses me as I thought I just had a neutral expression instead of looking sad. I was selectively mute when I was 4years to end of infants school and always thought I tried using my gaze as a way of expressing myself if that makes sense. 

When I was at school in the 1980s my German teacher got angry with me in front of our class saying ' what are you smiling about? ' I said 'nothing sir' (I've tended to smile when very nervous anxious but I didn't understand that at that time (and wasn't encouraged to either)). He said I then I had to stay behind after class / school as a consequence / punishment for not being able to explain why I was smiling. When I worked on customer services telephone lines 25 years ago we were trained to smile before answering the calls as that was supposedly pleasanter sounding from the customers end / point of view. I therefore used to do it but I must've looked ridiculous putting on a big grin every time I was just about to answer the telephone...  when people have told me I should cheer up etc etc I think I understand more now that is nothing really to do with me in, in their cases I am mirroring reflecting back to them how they are feeling and they don't want to be reminded of it so therefore tell me to smile (including from my own parents were in that situation I see now sadly, I've tended to be determined to try and be honest authentic with myself rather than not) i.e. Tat Tvam Asi (Sanskrit: तत्त्वमसि) - 'that otherness is myself'.

There was on road ear where I used to live where there were a few men who were always saying this to passing women, at one end of the street was a hospital oncology unit and maternity unit, just opposite was a vets, so for quite a few of those women I suspect "it" had already happened.

Some bloke said it to my Mum onc and she turned round and asked him how he knew "it" already hadn't happened? He muttered and mumbled a bit and walked off, I hope he never said it again.

I've been told (always by men) to "cheer up love, it might never happen" - usually on a crowded bus, which is so embarrassing. I didn't know what to say, so I would just give what I thought was a condescending smile (although it might just look like I had wind, ha ha )and ignore them, but inside I was p'd off - how did they know that something bad hadn't happened?

My Dad fancied himself a photographer, we had hundreds of pictures of me and my Mum stood in front of things, I think thats where my dislike of photo's started, but I realised I'm quite poor at recognising myself in photos, I might remember the occaision they were taken and the other people there, but I don't recognise myself. 

Thanks for such a detailed reply! I really enjoyed the video, particularly how it linked alexithymia to more overlapping happy and angry facial expressions and how it identified that non-autistic people found it difficult to read autistic people's expressions. The idea of having less precise and differentiated emotional definitions/experiences has also given me something to think about :)

I agree the pressure to smile for the sake of other people (especially random men) is very irritating

TheCatWoman said:

I was always the one pulling a stupid face at the last minute

Thanks for mentioning this, it's made me remember some very funny photos of me intentionally pouting as a young child!

I have the same issue but in my case, it is due to adopting a neutral face to avoid situations and the habit has stuck. It is frustrating as I do smile and laugh when around good friends, I flap when I am really excited, to hell with the looks.  

TheCatWoman said:

I avoid being photographed, I've never liked it, even as a child, I was always the one pulling a stupid face at the last minute, or hiding behind someone else,

I’ve also hated being photographed, there is just something strange about it all. Someone normally shouts “smile” just before the shutter opens, I can’t smile on command. 

My late father had a video camera and filmed 100’s of hours of family occasions, I’m very rarely captured in any of it.
Sometimes I’m actually feeling okay inside myself, it’s just my face doesn’t get the message.  I’ve thought I was smiling before and looked in a mirror, I’m not outwardly smiling. 
Comments of “ cheer up” or “you look miserable” don’t really help.

I wonder if it’s all part of the armour, don’t be noticed or let anyone in, always being on guard.