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Anyone else always been told to smile?

BeaE

At every stage in my life someone has told me to smile or commented on my facial expression in a similar way.

The first time I remember this was a comment made by a girl at nursery.

During high school multiple teachers directly told me to smile, or singled me out and directed a joke at me to try and make me laugh. My mum ended up having school put a note on the register telling teachers not to tell me to smile or cheer up!

During school photos, I always received comments like 'you can look happier than that'.

Most recently, people at uni (and to a lesser extent at work) have misinterpreted my expressions, commenting on me 'trying not to laugh', or looking 'terrified', even when I'm actively trying to make the right face.

I'm now wondering if I'm always making the 'wrong' face, and it's only occasionally that people comment.

I don't think anyone means any harm by these sorts of comments, but it's getting pretty annoying at this point and I never know how to reply. I'd never comment on someone's facial expression, and find it very odd that people so frequently comment on mine. Has anyone else experienced this/got any insights? It's pretty random, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's unique to me!

Parents

  • When I was at school in the 1980s my German teacher got angry with me in front of our class saying ' what are you smiling about? ' I said 'nothing sir' (I've tended to smile when very nervous anxious but I didn't understand that at that time (and wasn't encouraged to either)). He said I then I had to stay behind after class / school as a consequence / punishment for not being able to explain why I was smiling. When I worked on customer services telephone lines 25 years ago we were trained to smile before answering the calls as that was supposedly pleasanter sounding from the customers end / point of view. I therefore used to do it but I must've looked ridiculous putting on a big grin every time I was just about to answer the telephone... GrinSweat smile when people have told me I should cheer up etc etc I think I understand more now that is nothing really to do with me in, in their cases I am mirroring reflecting back to them how they are feeling and they don't want to be reminded of it so therefore tell me to smile (including from my own parents were in that situation I see now sadly, I've tended to be determined to try and be honest authentic with myself rather than not) i.e. Tat Tvam Asi (Sanskrit: तत्त्वमसि) - 'that otherness is myself'.

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  • When I was at school in the 1980s my German teacher got angry with me in front of our class saying ' what are you smiling about? ' I said 'nothing sir' (I've tended to smile when very nervous anxious but I didn't understand that at that time (and wasn't encouraged to either)). He said I then I had to stay behind after class / school as a consequence / punishment for not being able to explain why I was smiling. When I worked on customer services telephone lines 25 years ago we were trained to smile before answering the calls as that was supposedly pleasanter sounding from the customers end / point of view. I therefore used to do it but I must've looked ridiculous putting on a big grin every time I was just about to answer the telephone... GrinSweat smile when people have told me I should cheer up etc etc I think I understand more now that is nothing really to do with me in, in their cases I am mirroring reflecting back to them how they are feeling and they don't want to be reminded of it so therefore tell me to smile (including from my own parents were in that situation I see now sadly, I've tended to be determined to try and be honest authentic with myself rather than not) i.e. Tat Tvam Asi (Sanskrit: तत्त्वमसि) - 'that otherness is myself'.

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