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Anyone else always been told to smile?

BeaE

At every stage in my life someone has told me to smile or commented on my facial expression in a similar way.

The first time I remember this was a comment made by a girl at nursery.

During high school multiple teachers directly told me to smile, or singled me out and directed a joke at me to try and make me laugh. My mum ended up having school put a note on the register telling teachers not to tell me to smile or cheer up!

During school photos, I always received comments like 'you can look happier than that'.

Most recently, people at uni (and to a lesser extent at work) have misinterpreted my expressions, commenting on me 'trying not to laugh', or looking 'terrified', even when I'm actively trying to make the right face.

I'm now wondering if I'm always making the 'wrong' face, and it's only occasionally that people comment.

I don't think anyone means any harm by these sorts of comments, but it's getting pretty annoying at this point and I never know how to reply. I'd never comment on someone's facial expression, and find it very odd that people so frequently comment on mine. Has anyone else experienced this/got any insights? It's pretty random, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's unique to me!

  •  I hadn't given it any thought until you started the thread. I was always told to smile when I thought I already was. Used to get so frustrated as it was always me who people were waiting onto take a photo. No wonder I don't like photos. Lightbulb. Bulb

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    cheer up love it may never happen",

    That's been said to me hundreds of times. Yet I'm unaware of my facial expression being the cause of it.

    To make it worse. Some disaster in my life has already happened. 

  • Like CInnabarwing I've often been told to smile by men, the next bloke who says "cheer up love it may never happen", is going to get a smack in the face, so prevalent is this attitude from men to women, that some women in a shop I go to a lot have offered to have a whip round and bail me out if I get arrested for it. Usually I'm in thinking about something like what I need to buy, what to cook for dinner. I deeply resent this idea that I have to look all gooey and smiley to please some random man. How do they know it's not happened?

    Sorry that was a bit of a rant, but this pressure to smile all the time really irritates me. I don't know what the answer is apart from a rude one with lots of FFF's, but your facial expressions are yours and not there soley to please other people. You probably have a rich inner life which you're focussed on, not the palidness of everyday interactions with random strangers.

    I avoid being photographed, I've never liked it, even as a child, I was always the one pulling a stupid face at the last minute, or hiding behind someone else, not easy at my height, or looking at my shoes.

  • Yes people told me that a lot as a child. ‘Why are you always looking so serious?’ That was just my neutral expression and I would actually be feeling fine but apparently it looked like I wasn’t happy. I remember consciously teaching myself to smile at people. Not sure if it turns out very naturally. I am not so used to masking that it’s hard to know what is the mask vs me. 

  • BeaE said:
    it's unique to me

    No, no need to worry it is unique to you ...it is "a thing" and many of us will have our similar stories to share.

    My personal example: doing my best, minding my own business, just walking around a large supermarket for grocery shopping, when a (stranger) man walks past, and as he does so, he told me: "cheer up love, it might never happen".  I was - only then - following his unsolicited comment - now upset / cross, thanks all the sane!

    Overview:

    Potential Characteristics:

    • Flat Affect: A common, neutral, or "blank" expression is frequently observed, even when the person is feeling positive or relaxed.
    • Reduced Intensity: Smiles, frowns, and other expressions may be less exaggerated or, conversely, sometimes appear more intense.
    • Mouth-Focused Expressions: Autistic individuals often rely more on the mouth for communicating emotions, such as using a mouth frown for anger, while using less brow movement.
    • Reduced Eye Movement: Smiles may not "reach the eyes" as often, which is linked to lower engagement with the eye region of others.
    • Contextual Misalignment: Expressions may not always align with the immediate social or emotional context, such as smiling when nervous or in a neutral setting.
    • Longer Duration: Emotional expressions, whether positive or negative, may last longer than in neurotypical peers.
    Potential Underlying Factors:
    • Alexithymia: Difficulty in identifying one's own emotions can lead to more ambiguous or less differentiated facial expressions.
    • Sensory Differences: Heightened sensitivity to stimuli can influence facial expressivity.
    • Social Camouflaging/Masking: Some autistic individuals may intentionally or unconsciously mask their emotions, leading to a disconnect between internal feelings and external expression.

    Autistic and non-autistic faces may "speak a different language," with unique, valid, but different, emotional signaling systems.

    Quite Detailed Webinar:

    There is a webinar available on YouTube which has a section on this topic:

    m.youtube.com/watch

    Very Detailed Research Paper:

    If you like some detail and science - this recent research paper goes into some depth of what is currently understood (with still more aspects to be studied:

    www.birmingham.ac.uk/.../autistic-and-non-autistic-faces-may-speak-a-different-language-when-expressing-emotion