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You're not waffling, cancer is a horrible illness and the treatments are horrible too. The outcomes are getting better all the time, but of course you worry, why wouldn't you?

There is support out there for the families of cancer sufferer's, use it, its what they're there for. Others have given you the address for McMillan, the hospital where your wife is being treated may have support services in place who can hel to support you.

Hi Hergé  I am sorry for what your wife and you are going through. I can appreciate how hard it is. All I can offer are my very best wishes and my hope that you will both find the strength to stay present. Macmillan are excellent as others have noted. Stay strong and your evident deep love will guide you.

Hergé Please don't say sorry for waffling (which you weren't). This is absolutely the place if you are able to write your thoughts down, in any way however they come out. I'm sorry you are both going through this. Its lovely to hear how much she means to you and I'm sure she knows how lucky she is to have you by her side too. Sending positivity to you both for the weeks and months ahead. 

I’m sorry that you and your wife have been going through this for the last month. For many women, the initial shock of diagnosis and yet to be decided course of treatment is the worse part. Some women get into a routine and a type of rhythm that carries them along soon after the first chemotherapy treatment.

Hergé said:

I will be there for my wife every step of the way, no matter what the outcome but I'm under no illusions how hard this is going to be.

That is something purposeful and practical that you can do. It can be harder for the husbands and families in many ways and that is something I learned from experience both as a breast cancer patient on one occasion, and as a family member on a second occasion, watching another go through breast cancer treatment.

Macmillan Cancer Support is there for patients and families https://www.macmillan.org.uk They offer practical and listening support. They don’t tell you stuff just to try to pacify you. It’s real, tangible useful support. I am confident that they would do their best to understand your situation as an autistic person with ADHD. 

I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts now and in the coming months.

Just wanted to pass on my thoughts of support to you and your wife.

I went through something similar (not cancer) and lost my wife and when I did it brought my autism out as my world changed dramatically. 

I'm so so sorry, this must be such a difficult time for you both, and wishing you all the strength you can muster for the hard times ahead. 

Having somewhere to talk about your side is important, as you will need support to be supportive in turn. We will be here when you need to talk.

I wish I could say more, but nothing seems to fit. It's brought tears to my eyes as something like this would be one of my biggest fears. 

Take care of yourselves in any way you can.

Hi Hergé 

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s a lot to process, and it makes sense to feel overwhelmed.

You’re showing huge love and strength just by being there for your wife.

I hope you give yourself some space and time.

Please keep reaching out and sharing whenever you need to, you don’t have to handle it all alone.

That is such hard news for your family, I am sending love and good thoughts to both you and your wife.

We all take turns in life, from time to time, to need our "waffle" heard and supported.

Thank you for sharing your situation with us here, I hope we may be of support as best we can, drawing upon the lived experience of our respective families.

Also, worth book-marking the below page, as Macmillan Cancer Support are available to support partners / family members just as much as for patients.  People often think of them as all about brochures and telephone support - however, it is important to share at the bottom of this web page they offer other ways to obtain support too:

www.macmillan.org.uk/.../contact-us