• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 6 subscribers
  • Views 80 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

My Head Is A Mess

NAS66392

I absolutely believe that if you do something wrong you have to be called out for it. I have been a past and present letdown so it is right for me to be called out on it. Yet, my head does get caught up in a mass amount of guilt and shame because of this as well as the bad names I get called for, notably that 'I am a parasite'. I also then get accused of being malevolent, that I do bad things because I want to, but that is not the case. I am not evil, I am just very stupid at times. I want to know how to be better, yet my head gets consumed by all the insults I have been given in the heat of the moment of being told off. I do not know how to compartmentalize, to learn from my mistakes and not let the name calling consume me. It makes my heart hurt, makes me want to shut down, and makes me want to hide. 

  • in reply to Phased

    when I say emotions - I mean unresolved distress that kind of kicked me into living my life in survival mode most of the time if that makes sense

  • I recognise what you write about from personal experience and I suspect many others on this site may do too.

    I'd like to back up  as talking therapy helps me at present from similar circumstances. - took a while and some effort to get to someone who could help and also for me to get to the point where I could be helped.

    First thing they did was to make me accept just how vulnerable I may be and acknowledge how emotions have lead impacted how I have been living my life.

    Getting on with being autistic is a bit of a marathon challenge.

    By identifying what you have and seeking support I reckon that you're going in the right direction even tho' times are still hard.

    Best wishes

  • Can you get referred to some sort of taking therapy, as it sounds like you could do some help to pick apart the issues? I think you have a lot of complex stuff going on don't you? (I think I saw your other post but don't know much on housing issues), but it doesn't sound like you are getting supported.

    Being called names doesn't help the situation, for me at least it would paralyse me more to inaction, so it really isn't helping matters. Maybe if your GP could refer you for some therapy to work through this and get into a more positive mindset, it might help you find the strength to address the things you need to do.