I'm worried

It's good that they are going to make sure to look at a few things, I think they need to to ensure the correct diagnosis and rule out others, and it's very possible to have several conditions too. I think you are right that often you have an 'easy' diagnosis like depression, which they can hand out with pills, when it can be a symptom of another issue not being supported. 

It is a shame you aren't enjoying the pacing and numbers as much, though as you said for the moment, being stable is the greater need. It's easier to deal with that when you know you might be on track to actually get listened to properly, and can review being on or off them with your doctor afterwards!

Do take care of yourself!

That sounds positive and I’m glad it went so well. 

I hope you will give yourself space to rest if you can. You have done what you can for now and it sounds like you are in good hands with this doctor/therapist.

I'm really amazed that he is so convinced to send me for testing, while other social workers and councillors just wanna hive me depression and send me to support groups for people with depression. I know that it would be the easiest diagnosis I could get if I was interested with it, because it's enough that I just show up as I am, say something that im inferior to others and dx ready. It shouldn't be that quick but this is my life experience. I'm not a diagnosis hunter and I just want to have the answer. And possibly finally the right diagnosis. 

Currently I take meds, that I did several years ago. Among side effects I noticed lower pleasure from stimming and my beloved pacing. And it bothers me. I don't know any other way of relaxing, it can be always only pacing or writing rows of numbers, which normally feels like brain massage. But now it's all flat, I feel nothing. But at least I'm more stable now and safe.

I'm glad it went well today, you got reassurance you did the right thing in the end, and it sounds like there should be positive steps forward too with regards to diagnosis. 

I was trying to reply to you the other night, but it wasn't a good night, but I was hoping you were okay. 

Don't worry about the outcome at the moment, it might be overwhelming to think of it, but you sound like you should have answers and some more support soon.

Thank you, yes it was OK. The doctor (therapist) said its nothing wrong that I took these meds and said its tge most important thing currently to have me tested fir autism and said he will be in touch with local clinic and I should call him in the second half of February and we will talk about it. He also suggested I can look for a clinic in other town if I like (locally) but I don't know I told him I'm terribly overwhelmed and confused and it's all too much for me. He also scanned another page from my schemes and writing. I asked him if he has any other (optional) suspected diagnosis instead of autisn, he said its very interesting question,  but he said its better to be careful with the diagnoses and he only mentioned he would give me few more alongside with autism. Local support groups all require official dx.

I think you are having/have had your appointment today. Hope it went well.

I‘m glad you are aware that they are not expired and know what to look out for in terms of side effects. Also, it’s great that you had the forethought to reach out to the mods.

One thing I’d recommend on top of what has been recommended already is be aware of your other medications, as well. If you have a newer prescription than the old one, they may or may not interact with each other. So also be looking out for side effects from newer prescriptions as well.

Then there should be even more understanding!

Thank you, my therapist is also a doctor, medical professional (anesthesiologist) and offers psychotherapy. I'm happy with these sessions. 

I think therapists see a lot of people who self-medicate. You have the understanding, that self Medication can be problematic, this is important. But it was a survival strategy and the best you saw at the time (this is what my therapists told me whenever I noticed I made some decisions that were maybe not the best ones).

Concerning side effekts you should def see a doctor, but with the therapist I would share as well. It might help them to understand you better and they might have additional ideas that you could not think of yet.

All the therapists I ever met would never be angry, but I was also afraid of that very often. Therapists are no judges. While they might point out that self-medication is not always the healthiest way of dealing with stuff they should show compassion for you feeling the way you did, so that you can learn self-compassion as well.

In my opinion a bad survival strategy is better than not surviving. Time and consulting can always help you find better ways once you stabilized a little.

By the way: talking to the mods was a healthy way of coping, so I think you can be very proud of that as well, since it is not always easy to find healthy ways when in a big crisis.

Their approach to autism is still more advanced than in my country (where I'm from). The German therapist was tge first one to recognise autistic traits in me, instead of putting me on antidepressants and telling me to go meet friends and think positively (like in my country)

Alien0n3arth said:

I don't know any local emergency services

If you are in the UK there is a good list of them here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us/urgent-help

I think I recall you saying you are in Germany where I know they are much more primative in their approach to autism so this is a tricky situation and you were probably right to have chosen the approach thet you did.

I don't know any local emergency services and the only thing that could happen would be me hurting myself and being taken to psychiatric hospital I don't know for how long and I have to be here for my daughter. 

ArchaeC said:

I know that GPs and psychiatrists in my area wouldn’t be happy with people medicating themselves with old prescription only medications,

With good reason too.

Alien0n3arth I understand this was an emergency but I would strongly recommend calling the emergency services before taking any drugs that affect your mental health to make sure you are safe to do so.

I would speak to your therapist about this sort of situation and ask for their advice for what to do in future. I don't think they will be upset as there is no rule about it between you yet. Once they give advice then I suggest following it rather than trusting your own judgement when you are in a potentially altered state of conciousness.

I know that GPs and psychiatrists in my area wouldn’t be happy with people medicating themselves with old prescription only medications, so just in case, it would be good to mention this. Having said that, I do understand why you are taking them. 

Good luck with your appointment. 

Yes, my therapist is a medical professional- anesthesia,  neurology and psychotherapy. My mom brought me these meds over two years ago, I just had them in my cupboard, still not expired. So I decided to take them. At least I knew what to expect as side effects from them and how to take them etc.

Alien0n3arth said:

Sorry if it sounds stupid

It’s not stupid, it’s a valid concern. It sounds like you were in desperate need of help so it is natural that your mum and you did what seemed best for you at that time. Perhaps you could contact your GP now just to make them aware of what you are taking, and get their advise? 

I can’t tell you whether or not the action you both took would be something that your therapist needs to know about or not, but if the therapist is a medical doctor (I think you are referring to the same person when you talk about your therapist and your doctor?), perhaps it would be good to mention it as your interaction with them might be affected due to the effect of the medication.

I can understand you being anxious as it will be your first therapy with this person. I hope the session goes well for you.