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maybe one explanation for autistic people being gaslighted by neurotypicals

Phased

"Gaslighting is the manipulation by psychological means of a person (or group) which causes them to doubt themselves, their capabilities or their sense of reality. "

I recently came across this article Cognitive Dissonance and Autism | The Neurodivergent Brain

I came out of it understanding that according to the article...

Memories of events stay the same however interpretation of why things happened as they did can change, this is a more "autistic way" of how to settle mental confusion. 

Neurotypical people on the other hand are more likely to change their memories of things to settle the confusion.

So when a neurotypical person gives a version of events that completely is at odds with what autistic people recall happening which consequently "gaslights" the autistic person this might explain it.

I have to say that for myself this has a sense of authenticity about it.

Or am I just deluding myself as much as the article accuses neurotypical people of doing to themselves?

Thought anyone please?

Parents

  • Wow, I was just reading over the three articles linked and it is really interesting. 
    I have a specific example in my mind of my memory of an event (playing at another girls house as a kid) and her memory of it years later was wildly different and I never understood how she could get it so mixed up till now. 

    I remember having a grand time, making a radio show (I remember all the words to a song we made up still 30+ years later), remember being afraid of her labradour dog(her being afraid of scotty dogs), remember the pudding (it was angel delight and it stuck in my mind as I noticed it was served in silver bowls but the dad got a peach yogurt instead and i realised I must have his bowl), getting to see in her dad's taxidermy studio, and the mum saying how nice and well behaved I was as she had a cousin over the week before who was a nightmare, loud wild etc.

    The girl years later when she wasn't a friend (so in the generic bullying crowd of everyone else) said I was awful and wild and wasn't allowed back. This could not have been me being quiet and polite.

    Now I can see the WHY of her having swapped memores, as she couldn't allow a memory of having a nice time with me to exist, so had alter it so I was a bad person to be around which fitted with the general view of me. I just thought she was daft, but now I can see why she was adament in telling others this distorted perpective. 


    But I can also see how my memory is filled with the details of how my mind works.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Glad that the post solved a puzzle for you  .

    Knowing that takes place might enable strategies for how to negotiate life - that's the hope.

    As to changing the neurotypical insight into this for many I regret that it might not come as an improvement in their mind at least.

    Since CBT relies upon the person being helped by coming up with a version of events that settles the discomfort of what is called "cognitive dissonance" a fictitious version of events is perhaps OK for neurotypical people.

    Perhaps less likely for autistics?   

    I have read that autistics "see it like it is" rather than what hey want it to be more than neurotypical people.

    To quote the late great Nestor Robert Marley:  "You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time"  Maybe autism is one reason why?

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  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Glad that the post solved a puzzle for you  .

    Knowing that takes place might enable strategies for how to negotiate life - that's the hope.

    As to changing the neurotypical insight into this for many I regret that it might not come as an improvement in their mind at least.

    Since CBT relies upon the person being helped by coming up with a version of events that settles the discomfort of what is called "cognitive dissonance" a fictitious version of events is perhaps OK for neurotypical people.

    Perhaps less likely for autistics?   

    I have read that autistics "see it like it is" rather than what hey want it to be more than neurotypical people.

    To quote the late great Nestor Robert Marley:  "You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time"  Maybe autism is one reason why?

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Agreed - it is also curious that memories spring to mind in context.

    I am drawn to think to myself "why am I remembering that now?" this can be interesting as it is a message from the past to the present.  Something one learns from and/or maybe useful later?

    Maybe something one has experienced and yet not fully integrated one's understanding of?

    If that memory sticks why has it stuck?

    Extreme emotions appear to have a reinforcing effect on memories.

    Oh and don't get me on the subject of rumination...

    Oh Sh.. I'm doing it now!

  • in reply to Phased

    It is so curious that memories can be altered so much though! And I'd heard about CBT not always working for Autistic people, but that is the best explaination of it I've heard and made much more sense with context for me.

    I've previously heard that memories fade and change as your access them. But I wonder if this is as true for Autists to the same extent as NTs (I say NT as I'm not sure if other conditions share the ~possibility~ of excellent memory).

    i like Fiction, but not in Real events! (Misremembering and not remembering being two distinct things)