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maybe one explanation for autistic people being gaslighted by neurotypicals

Phased

"Gaslighting is the manipulation by psychological means of a person (or group) which causes them to doubt themselves, their capabilities or their sense of reality. "

I recently came across this article Cognitive Dissonance and Autism | The Neurodivergent Brain

I came out of it understanding that according to the article...

Memories of events stay the same however interpretation of why things happened as they did can change, this is a more "autistic way" of how to settle mental confusion. 

Neurotypical people on the other hand are more likely to change their memories of things to settle the confusion.

So when a neurotypical person gives a version of events that completely is at odds with what autistic people recall happening which consequently "gaslights" the autistic person this might explain it.

I have to say that for myself this has a sense of authenticity about it.

Or am I just deluding myself as much as the article accuses neurotypical people of doing to themselves?

Thought anyone please?

Parents

  • Wow, I was just reading over the three articles linked and it is really interesting. 
    I have a specific example in my mind of my memory of an event (playing at another girls house as a kid) and her memory of it years later was wildly different and I never understood how she could get it so mixed up till now. 

    I remember having a grand time, making a radio show (I remember all the words to a song we made up still 30+ years later), remember being afraid of her labradour dog(her being afraid of scotty dogs), remember the pudding (it was angel delight and it stuck in my mind as I noticed it was served in silver bowls but the dad got a peach yogurt instead and i realised I must have his bowl), getting to see in her dad's taxidermy studio, and the mum saying how nice and well behaved I was as she had a cousin over the week before who was a nightmare, loud wild etc.

    The girl years later when she wasn't a friend (so in the generic bullying crowd of everyone else) said I was awful and wild and wasn't allowed back. This could not have been me being quiet and polite.

    Now I can see the WHY of her having swapped memores, as she couldn't allow a memory of having a nice time with me to exist, so had alter it so I was a bad person to be around which fitted with the general view of me. I just thought she was daft, but now I can see why she was adament in telling others this distorted perpective. 


    But I can also see how my memory is filled with the details of how my mind works.

Reply

  • Wow, I was just reading over the three articles linked and it is really interesting. 
    I have a specific example in my mind of my memory of an event (playing at another girls house as a kid) and her memory of it years later was wildly different and I never understood how she could get it so mixed up till now. 

    I remember having a grand time, making a radio show (I remember all the words to a song we made up still 30+ years later), remember being afraid of her labradour dog(her being afraid of scotty dogs), remember the pudding (it was angel delight and it stuck in my mind as I noticed it was served in silver bowls but the dad got a peach yogurt instead and i realised I must have his bowl), getting to see in her dad's taxidermy studio, and the mum saying how nice and well behaved I was as she had a cousin over the week before who was a nightmare, loud wild etc.

    The girl years later when she wasn't a friend (so in the generic bullying crowd of everyone else) said I was awful and wild and wasn't allowed back. This could not have been me being quiet and polite.

    Now I can see the WHY of her having swapped memores, as she couldn't allow a memory of having a nice time with me to exist, so had alter it so I was a bad person to be around which fitted with the general view of me. I just thought she was daft, but now I can see why she was adament in telling others this distorted perpective. 


    But I can also see how my memory is filled with the details of how my mind works.

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    I would be interested in hearing what her version of this memory was as it is such a vivid picture…. What was her perspective?

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Glad that the post solved a puzzle for you  .

    Knowing that takes place might enable strategies for how to negotiate life - that's the hope.

    As to changing the neurotypical insight into this for many I regret that it might not come as an improvement in their mind at least.

    Since CBT relies upon the person being helped by coming up with a version of events that settles the discomfort of what is called "cognitive dissonance" a fictitious version of events is perhaps OK for neurotypical people.

    Perhaps less likely for autistics?   

    I have read that autistics "see it like it is" rather than what hey want it to be more than neurotypical people.

    To quote the late great Nestor Robert Marley:  "You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time"  Maybe autism is one reason why?