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Meltdowns and depression

Xannah_M

Hey all.  I have been struggling more than usual lately.  I've always had issues with my mental health, had meltdowns and burnout episodes throughout my life. This was before I got my diagnosis, which I only finally got this year (I'm middle aged, for reference). I'm going through a rough time because of trying to push through at work, dealing with overwhelm, attempting to get accommodations now that I have my diagnosis, etc. I had a meltdown episode recently at work, and thankfully I was able to go into a room...away from people. However, I'm struggling. So exhausted. 

Having my diagnosis has been such an eyeopener for me and has answered so many questions. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that life would become simpler, which I am sure most of us know well. 

Anyway, just thought I'd sure because, to be completely honest, people around me just "don't get it" or they unintentionally invalidate me. This fact makes my experiences even more isolating.

Parents

  • Yes it's eye-opening but doesn't help immediately with the exhaustion or the fear of being exhausted and not coping with it. Try break everything you do down and work out where you can let youself off with doing less, when you can just shut your eyes in a quiet dark room for a little bit, after work maybe? I've seen people talking about stopping working but that's not an option for me, so I'm trying to find ways to keep going but a tiny bit easier. 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thanks so much for your response. After work, because I have chronic fatigue, I normally head straight home, and I’m in my bed soon after. I always am in the dark at home with my headset on since I’m more comfortable and less stimulated that way. I’ve been like this for years and years before having my diagnosis. I guess, constant coping outside of my “nest” is beginning to get the better of me. It doesn’t help as well, that I’m constantly rewarded at work for pushing myself so hard. When I am rewarded I often ask the manager “why am I getting this” because, in my head, I’m doing my job and it’s hurting me. But, because I’m resilient at all costs, this is what our NT world wants.

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  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thanks so much for your response. After work, because I have chronic fatigue, I normally head straight home, and I’m in my bed soon after. I always am in the dark at home with my headset on since I’m more comfortable and less stimulated that way. I’ve been like this for years and years before having my diagnosis. I guess, constant coping outside of my “nest” is beginning to get the better of me. It doesn’t help as well, that I’m constantly rewarded at work for pushing myself so hard. When I am rewarded I often ask the manager “why am I getting this” because, in my head, I’m doing my job and it’s hurting me. But, because I’m resilient at all costs, this is what our NT world wants.

Children
  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Before I finally get out of bed to get ready for work, I wanted to respond because I can relate.

    First of all I’m so sorry you had to endure this. When you feel as if you have no choice but to press on, it’s so hard, even if you change roles or even change jobs.

    My work is fully aware of my diagnosis. They are trying to do their bit because I believe that legally they would be in trouble otherwise. However, being told “are you sure this job is still right for you” lowkey, does not do anything but invalidate me. I get rewarded often and hit metrics, etc., but I also in my mid 50s, in a minority group (Caribbean heritage), female in a normally male dominated industry, have co-morbidities. Still, I look as if all is well and masked excellently…even though now that mask if falling rapidly. So, I think that often makes NT people feel I’ll press on anyway (though I have meltdowns, burnouts).

    I literally now have been told I’m not allowed to be unwell (in burnout which makes me not functional for a while) for the next year or more, if not…..

    Anyway, having conversations with others who get it helps a little, so thank you Pray tone4

  • in reply to Xannah_M

    This was me at the start of the year. I got a lead position and I pushed so hard for 6 months after 6 months of depression thinking I couldn't do it. As a contractor I was desperately trying to meet all of the spiralling deadline and unable to say no to additional work. In the end all my mind could focus on was finishing the work, then I got a 2 week extension and wanted to cry I was so tired, as I've also had insomnia since January (still do). They asked for a further 2 weeks and I had to say no as I had nothing left to give, and left the company I was working for too. 3 months off with the kids over the summer, then got a new job and the exhaustion hit again immediately. I've been not as productive, which is hard for me but also trying to accept the new company aren't complaining. 

    Maybe opening up to your boss might be the only way, as if you're like me you can't cut your own work down, you need someone to cut it down for you. As such a great worker, they will hopefully want to protect your health as it's in their interests to look after their employees. You certainly sound like you've done everything you can on your own, and so need support from work now.