Struggling to cope with burn out

Hi there

I am not diagnosed as yet - two of my adult children are and I have struggled my entire life. Self diagnosed if you will. It all falls into place. I was diagnosed instead with bipolar disorder as a young adult which I gather is quite a common misdiagnosis. 

I have found ways to help myself despite not knowing, which may be helpful to you.

Have you tried yoga and meditation. The movement paired with the breathing and the focus needed trains your brain and body to focus. When overwhelm hits this is a magic pill for me with training. It gives my overstimulated mind something to focus on and the loud thoughts disappear into background, most of the time. Sitting meditation is gold...with practise. At first it was just me sitting down with my racing thoughts and it didnt help at all so maybe not the best place to start.

Walking meditation was easier to begin with as you are again focusing on body breath and timing.

Breathing well also is very calming for the nervous system. Something I find enormously helpful when out and about - the breath is with you wherever you go.

When I first began I was so stressed out my breathing was all up in my shoulders. I couldnt take a belly breath. Now I can. Its my default. Its worth persevering with for sure.

This level of awareness also taught me to recognise when things are starting to build so I can potentially adjust. I can spot stress starting in my body and breathing.

I also learned distracting myself with tv shows only adds to the pain. All of the things neurotypical people do to relax are kind of nails on a chalkboard for me. Better to take a warm soothing bath, and get comfy with a good book than turn on a bright loud flashy bangy TV. I dont even own a tv now. I also need alone time. Just me. I describe it as feeling 'full up'.

Yoga nidra is also a very soothing option. Available on youtube. You can lay in bed for this one and the instructor talks you through focusing on parts of your body to deeply relax. I almost never make it to the end without nodding off though lol.

At first these things didnt feel that effective but with practise you get to recognise your level of 'relaxed'. I dont know about you but I was never relaxed because I was doing all the wrong things that other people could do and have a great time doing it. I was a ball of stress.  

Hopefully managing the stress by learning to spot the early signs and practising even if you dont feel stressed will help with the burnout. I myself was so stressed all the time I didnt know how stressed I was. It was just normal. Only when I began to relax could I spot it.

It is really beautiful outside at the moment - not sure if you live where there are lots of trees but where we live there’s a lot and it’s so beautiful at the moment, and not very cold. Really nice! I think these small things can really help. Mindfulness practices in general I find really helpful. Re. having a bath - both myself and my son don’t much enjoy baths and showers (especially in the winter months) so we always feel a sense of accomplishment after them! To some people who aren’t autistic I’m sure this would seem odd - but to us we feel pretty proud of ourselves once it’s over with! 

Thank you Kate. I really appreciate your response. I think I might go for a little walk this evening now there are less people out and about. Today I managed to have a bath, go down stairs and post on here for the first time  so I feel a sense of accomplishment. Take care also. 

Firstly I just want to mention that you come across as so kind and thoughtful in your post. I’m sorry that you’re experience repeated cycles of burnout in this way. I think it’s something many of us are familiar with. It’s hard to know what’s best isn’t it? In general I find that some level of low demand occupation (I don’t mean paid necessarily- I’m think more of things we can choose to do from home etc) helps me to feel less overwhelmed. Things like going for a walk, or tidying a draw, or making something good to eat. Drawing if I feel I can do that. I find that just resting or watching tv can make me feel more tense and ruminating etc. I think moving our body can help, I also find music extremely helpful. 
Most all try to be kind to yourself and not add to your suffering by blaming yourself in any way.  Take care and good luck. 

Thank you for replying. I have read your masking post and it resonates a great deal with me. I’ll start a spreadsheet/journal to monitor the things you mentioned in your reply. Thank you again for your help.

Look at my masking post and see how many you are doing.

Look closely at how you feel. What makes you stressed. What makes it better. It will take time.

Write stuff down, you won't remember. Then look for patterns. Record what you ate, how you slept, what you did, what you were thinking about, etc. You can use heart rate and strength as a proxy for stress if you can't tell. Certain things if I think them, before I even feel something my heart beat changes. The nervous system can be fast.

You are going to have to change some things. Work on breathing and trying to be calm. You need to reduce stress.

The mind will keep searching previous episodes, memories on a loop, looking for a solution. Since burnouts are associated with stress and often things going wrong, these are not good memories.

Maybe the TV is the problem. Can you read or do puzzles, or something without a screen. If you need company use the radio.