Struggling right now

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I'm off work at the moment (work in a school) and I don't cope well with it.

Schools are busy, noisy, social and often challenging so I can't imagine a more challenging environment.

Are there any other career paths that you would want to follow that involve a less chaotic environment?

Expecto_Patronum said:

This happens every year and I'm yet to find a solution.

Have you identified the trigger for it? For it to be recurring makes me think there is a cause and if you can identify this you may be able to structure a response to take the sting out of the tail next time with some preparation.

I don't feel the NHS are very well staffed with therapists who are skilled in helping autists or who even get much training on the subject as I've yet to read of someone getting good results from this.

Can you afford to go private? It costs about £50/hour so isn't cheap but when you get a capable psychotherapist then they are so worth the money and there is almost no wait time (typically just days).

Expecto_Patronum said:

I'm trying to do things that will keep my brain occupied but it's not working very well the last few days.

What does make you feel more relaxed? Favourite films, long walks, lazing by the beach? These can help but are really just a sticking plaster until you get to the root cause of the issue.

Sorry I probably didn't word the work part very well. I actually cope mostly well with work (it is a small school). But it is the summer holidays at the moment and I don't cope well with that.

It is being off for 6 weeks which is the trigger. I have tried making plans and having things to look forward to doing but 6 weeks is such a long time, I always seem to burn out with it somewhere in the middle.

No this is my big concern. I had raised it this time but the therapist clearly had little experience in that area and although she tried it didn't feel like the right fit. We did have some sessions that seemed a bit of a breakthrough but as far as a long term impact went the limit on the number of sessions was problematic.

I really don't think I could afford private therapy. It is something I'm considering. I need to have a good look at how much I have left over each month. I do have some savings but I'm wary of using this. If there was an absolute guarantee I was going to find the right therapist and it was going to work then I'd take the financial hit and go for it. But to push my finances to the absolute limit for something that I have no idea if it'll work or how long it would take to work is a difficult thing to do.

I really don't relax. I think this is part of the issue. My brain just didn't switch off ever really (I also have ADHD). The only time I feel I get respite from it is when I'm in hyperfocus mode but I can't choose when that happens and it's not a state I could be in all the time - that would be exhausting. I've been trying to read a lot and watch series etc but as you say they are just a sticking plaster and I think after 3 weeks of it the plaster has burst off. Now the low mood has hit I really don't feel like doing anything at all. 

Sorry I probably didn't word the work part very well. I actually cope mostly well with work (it is a small school). But it is the summer holidays at the moment and I don't cope well with that.

It is being off for 6 weeks which is the trigger. I have tried making plans and having things to look forward to doing but 6 weeks is such a long time, I always seem to burn out with it somewhere in the middle.

No this is my big concern. I had raised it this time but the therapist clearly had little experience in that area and although she tried it didn't feel like the right fit. We did have some sessions that seemed a bit of a breakthrough but as far as a long term impact went the limit on the number of sessions was problematic.

I really don't think I could afford private therapy. It is something I'm considering. I need to have a good look at how much I have left over each month. I do have some savings but I'm wary of using this. If there was an absolute guarantee I was going to find the right therapist and it was going to work then I'd take the financial hit and go for it. But to push my finances to the absolute limit for something that I have no idea if it'll work or how long it would take to work is a difficult thing to do.

I really don't relax. I think this is part of the issue. My brain just didn't switch off ever really (I also have ADHD). The only time I feel I get respite from it is when I'm in hyperfocus mode but I can't choose when that happens and it's not a state I could be in all the time - that would be exhausting. I've been trying to read a lot and watch series etc but as you say they are just a sticking plaster and I think after 3 weeks of it the plaster has burst off. Now the low mood has hit I really don't feel like doing anything at all. 

Not something I've heard of before but will have a look.

How about considering a "summer school" course as a student yourself (either in person or online)?

Some Universities / Museums have continuing education programmes for adults in that style.

Features:

- it would probably be a smaller cohort of adults with whom to become accustomed,

- they are the right number of days / weeks,

- you would have control over the choice of: "try something new" / "something familiar just for fun or leisure" / "something which supports my particular interest" / "a class or lectures supporting my Continuing Professional Development",

- unlike the paying for therapy route (which can feel a bit open-ended ...even if that isn't necessarily so in reality) you could decide what monthly budget you comfortably could save a bit towards - monthly throughout the year (in a busy budget demand year you could just aim towards a couple of weekend summertime lectures - whereas, in a year of more budget freedom: you could aim for a week of several days of classes, or weekly classes run across a set of summer weeks?).

I've been trying to do some fitness things at home. But my will power is not strong. I struggle with the idea of going to the gym. They can be busy, it's a new environment, I don't really know what I'm doing, I have huge social anxiety etc. Ideally I think I could do with a personal trainer. I do better when there's someone to hold me accountable. But again that costs money, that I do not have.

Doesn't have to be walking. A gym can have goals. Running, rowing and cycling machines have numerical readouts to be improved upon. Weights too. Or swimming, but that means getting wet. :-(

You can get a routine. The harder you push the more it clears your brain as it stops wandering about. And it wears you out and releases various hormones, keeps you fit, etc.

The purpose is not the exercise, it's the targets, and the endorphins and the physical ache.

It is hard to get motivated to start though.

Knowing how long it took me to adapt to my current job I would say it's an actual barrier. The first 3 weeks or so at my current job I was absolutely overwhelmed, really struggled with all the new people and new environment, really felt like I'd made a mistake. With time I settled and it was all good. I don't see how that would be feasible in a job that would only last for 6 weeks of a year.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I feel like I just bounce around a circle hitting different issues.

To use a technique my therapist tried on me.

Are these really barriers or are you just making them barriers so you don't have to go through the discomfort of change?

No accusation, just suggesting some reflection on the subject.

I try the first every year and it just doesn't end up working out. The second I have considered. But what I struggle to find is a summer job that is literally only the summer and is paid. A lot of seasonal jobs run longer than 6 weeks which I cannot do. And a lot of the organised groups for kids etc are volunteer posts. Perhaps it would still be useful to do something voluntarily as you say my time would be organised. But I guess then I hit against the obstacle of having to deal with people I do not know (the adults). I feel like I just bounce around a circle hitting different issues.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I really don't relax. I think this is part of the issue

I would suggest looking into studying meditation, but ideally with a teacher who undertands autism as finding ways to still out internal chaos can be a challenge.

It took me a while to get good at applying it to de-stress but can now use it to quickly shutdown runaway anxiety which has been a lifesaver.

Expecto_Patronum said:

it is the summer holidays at the moment and I don't cope well with that.

I can suggest to approaches:

1 - self managed. Well in advance think of the things you want to achieve or do over the summer and create a routine to give you the space to get them done. Maybe it is learning to be a gardner, building a shed, learning a language, getting fit or whatever.

Create a schedule that is quite managable and stick to it. Maybe only commit 6 hours a day so you have plenty of time to relax.

This will only work if you can exercise discipline to make yourself do it. If you procrastinate instead then try the next one:

2 - get a summer job. Maybe it is coaching struggling children, working as a life guard at a beach / pool, working in a summer camp or whatever. Having someone create the routine and drive you to follow it may keep you busy enough to not struggle with self organisation and also provide some extra income for therapy.

Yes the lack of stimulation is definitely a problem. 

I don't find walking that helpful. There is some logic to it and sometimes it can help a bit. But I don't find walking enjoyable and it doesn't switch my brain off. I need things to have a purpose and I don't find a walk for the sake of a walk much of a purpose.

People is a difficult one for me. I find them difficult, I don't socialise how most people do. It isn't something that tends to feel good. But at the same time it would be nice to have that person that thinks of you and sends a message to check in and show that you are wanted. I've posted previously about a friend that I did have but that seems to have come to an end. Things like that don't help at times like this because it just makes me obsess about that issue.

When you are work you have stimulation, you have routine, you get tired and are happy to be alone to rest.

Now you don't have stimulation you have to find things to do, which can be hard. You have time to notice you are alone which is hard.

Since covid I have struggled with things being quieter as I had less distraction. Some days I sat in a 2,000 square foot office on my own. It makes coming home hard. Instead of being the safe haven it always was it is empty.

The solution I think is to find other things.

Go for a walk. Exercise helps.

I avoid people as it makes me feel alone.