Struggling right now

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I'm off work at the moment (work in a school) and I don't cope well with it.

Schools are busy, noisy, social and often challenging so I can't imagine a more challenging environment.

Are there any other career paths that you would want to follow that involve a less chaotic environment?

Expecto_Patronum said:

This happens every year and I'm yet to find a solution.

Have you identified the trigger for it? For it to be recurring makes me think there is a cause and if you can identify this you may be able to structure a response to take the sting out of the tail next time with some preparation.

I don't feel the NHS are very well staffed with therapists who are skilled in helping autists or who even get much training on the subject as I've yet to read of someone getting good results from this.

Can you afford to go private? It costs about £50/hour so isn't cheap but when you get a capable psychotherapist then they are so worth the money and there is almost no wait time (typically just days).

Expecto_Patronum said:

I'm trying to do things that will keep my brain occupied but it's not working very well the last few days.

What does make you feel more relaxed? Favourite films, long walks, lazing by the beach? These can help but are really just a sticking plaster until you get to the root cause of the issue.

Sorry I probably didn't word the work part very well. I actually cope mostly well with work (it is a small school). But it is the summer holidays at the moment and I don't cope well with that.

It is being off for 6 weeks which is the trigger. I have tried making plans and having things to look forward to doing but 6 weeks is such a long time, I always seem to burn out with it somewhere in the middle.

No this is my big concern. I had raised it this time but the therapist clearly had little experience in that area and although she tried it didn't feel like the right fit. We did have some sessions that seemed a bit of a breakthrough but as far as a long term impact went the limit on the number of sessions was problematic.

I really don't think I could afford private therapy. It is something I'm considering. I need to have a good look at how much I have left over each month. I do have some savings but I'm wary of using this. If there was an absolute guarantee I was going to find the right therapist and it was going to work then I'd take the financial hit and go for it. But to push my finances to the absolute limit for something that I have no idea if it'll work or how long it would take to work is a difficult thing to do.

I really don't relax. I think this is part of the issue. My brain just didn't switch off ever really (I also have ADHD). The only time I feel I get respite from it is when I'm in hyperfocus mode but I can't choose when that happens and it's not a state I could be in all the time - that would be exhausting. I've been trying to read a lot and watch series etc but as you say they are just a sticking plaster and I think after 3 weeks of it the plaster has burst off. Now the low mood has hit I really don't feel like doing anything at all. 

When you are work you have stimulation, you have routine, you get tired and are happy to be alone to rest.

Now you don't have stimulation you have to find things to do, which can be hard. You have time to notice you are alone which is hard.

Since covid I have struggled with things being quieter as I had less distraction. Some days I sat in a 2,000 square foot office on my own. It makes coming home hard. Instead of being the safe haven it always was it is empty.

The solution I think is to find other things.

Go for a walk. Exercise helps.

I avoid people as it makes me feel alone.

I've been trying to do some fitness things at home. But my will power is not strong. I struggle with the idea of going to the gym. They can be busy, it's a new environment, I don't really know what I'm doing, I have huge social anxiety etc. Ideally I think I could do with a personal trainer. I do better when there's someone to hold me accountable. But again that costs money, that I do not have.

I've been trying to do some fitness things at home. But my will power is not strong. I struggle with the idea of going to the gym. They can be busy, it's a new environment, I don't really know what I'm doing, I have huge social anxiety etc. Ideally I think I could do with a personal trainer. I do better when there's someone to hold me accountable. But again that costs money, that I do not have.