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Struggling right now

Expecto_Patronum

Really struggling with mood right now. I'm off work at the moment (work in a school) and I don't cope well with it. I try to structure it for myself because I miss the routine but I also feel so isolated. I struggle with socialisation and I don't have anyone I can just reach out and message. I get torn between I should go out and do something rather than sitting here wallowing but then everywhere is busy and unless I'm really distracted I'll just feel the same. I'm trying to do things that will keep my brain occupied but it's not working very well the last few days. This happens every year and I'm yet to find a solution. There's still 3 weeks to go as well so I'm only half way through.

It also doesn't help that my therapy has now finished (clearly was not very effective). The therapist has recommended I be referred for long term therapy but I have no idea how this works or what it would look like on NHS. I waited 4 years for this round of therapy so I'm really not optimistic. I also don't know whether I need to speak to mental health or my GP for the referral to be done or whether it happens automatically after they get the letter. It's all so confusing. But I don't think it's helping that the therapy didn't make an impact - it just makes it feel like nothing is ever going to help.

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  • Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment.

    Expecto_Patronum said:
    I'm off work at the moment (work in a school) and I don't cope well with it.

    Schools are busy, noisy, social and often challenging so I can't imagine a more challenging environment.

    Are there any other career paths that you would want to follow that involve a less chaotic environment?

    Expecto_Patronum said:
    This happens every year and I'm yet to find a solution.

    Have you identified the trigger for it? For it to be recurring makes me think there is a cause and if you can identify this you may be able to structure a response to take the sting out of the tail next time with some preparation.

    I don't feel the NHS are very well staffed with therapists who are skilled in helping autists or who even get much training on the subject as I've yet to read of someone getting good results from this.

    Can you afford to go private? It costs about £50/hour so isn't cheap but when you get a capable psychotherapist then they are so worth the money and there is almost no wait time (typically just days).

    Expecto_Patronum said:
    I'm trying to do things that will keep my brain occupied but it's not working very well the last few days.

    What does make you feel more relaxed? Favourite films, long walks, lazing by the beach? These can help but are really just a sticking plaster until you get to the root cause of the issue.

  • in reply to Iain

    Sorry I probably didn't word the work part very well. I actually cope mostly well with work (it is a small school). But it is the summer holidays at the moment and I don't cope well with that.

    It is being off for 6 weeks which is the trigger. I have tried making plans and having things to look forward to doing but 6 weeks is such a long time, I always seem to burn out with it somewhere in the middle.

    No this is my big concern. I had raised it this time but the therapist clearly had little experience in that area and although she tried it didn't feel like the right fit. We did have some sessions that seemed a bit of a breakthrough but as far as a long term impact went the limit on the number of sessions was problematic.

    I really don't think I could afford private therapy. It is something I'm considering. I need to have a good look at how much I have left over each month. I do have some savings but I'm wary of using this. If there was an absolute guarantee I was going to find the right therapist and it was going to work then I'd take the financial hit and go for it. But to push my finances to the absolute limit for something that I have no idea if it'll work or how long it would take to work is a difficult thing to do.

    I really don't relax. I think this is part of the issue. My brain just didn't switch off ever really (I also have ADHD). The only time I feel I get respite from it is when I'm in hyperfocus mode but I can't choose when that happens and it's not a state I could be in all the time - that would be exhausting. I've been trying to read a lot and watch series etc but as you say they are just a sticking plaster and I think after 3 weeks of it the plaster has burst off. Now the low mood has hit I really don't feel like doing anything at all. 

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum
    Expecto_Patronum said:
    I really don't relax. I think this is part of the issue

    I would suggest looking into studying meditation, but ideally with a teacher who undertands autism as finding ways to still out internal chaos can be a challenge.

    It took me a while to get good at applying it to de-stress but can now use it to quickly shutdown runaway anxiety which has been a lifesaver.

    Expecto_Patronum said:
    it is the summer holidays at the moment and I don't cope well with that.

    I can suggest to approaches:

    1 - self managed. Well in advance think of the things you want to achieve or do over the summer and create a routine to give you the space to get them done. Maybe it is learning to be a gardner, building a shed, learning a language, getting fit or whatever.

    Create a schedule that is quite managable and stick to it. Maybe only commit 6 hours a day so you have plenty of time to relax.

    This will only work if you can exercise discipline to make yourself do it. If you procrastinate instead then try the next one:

    2 - get a summer job. Maybe it is coaching struggling children, working as a life guard at a beach / pool, working in a summer camp or whatever. Having someone create the routine and drive you to follow it may keep you busy enough to not struggle with self organisation and also provide some extra income for therapy.

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    Not something I've heard of before but will have a look.

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