Therapy failing

When you say voices do you mean your own voice or voices that you're hearing? As I think they are very different things.

Certain types of therapy don't work well with autism. When you've had private therapy has it just been talking or have they tried a range of therapies with you?

I've had issues with therapy myself. I've only been through the NHS and it's always been short term which doesn't work for me at all. The therapist I've just had is in the process of writing my discharge letter in which she is going to suggest to the NHS what I need in terms of long term therapy and see what they come up with. I'm not overly optimistic unfortunately.

Ahh I’m sorry to hear about this, I can understand why you aren’t optimistic, I’ll be honest I’ve always been let down by the nhs. 

I have tried CBT, EMDR, hypnotherapy and even DBT. Admittedly I dropped out of DBT due to it being too expensive but other therapists have just dropped me saying they can’t help me anymore. I’ve even tried just talking therapy and again dropped like that. 

As with voices it can be my own at times but more often or not it is these horrible people I’ve encountered, it’s bad enough they say it once but they kept repeating themselves and you could say it’s like all these horrible things have been planted in my head and have grown and I’d need like a weed killer but it’s finding the right one. Or like I’ve had these things tattooed in my head and despite laser therapy the things aren’t completely gone. Weird analogies I come up with but it’s how I can best describe it. 

Ahh I’m sorry to hear about this, I can understand why you aren’t optimistic, I’ll be honest I’ve always been let down by the nhs. 

I have tried CBT, EMDR, hypnotherapy and even DBT. Admittedly I dropped out of DBT due to it being too expensive but other therapists have just dropped me saying they can’t help me anymore. I’ve even tried just talking therapy and again dropped like that. 

As with voices it can be my own at times but more often or not it is these horrible people I’ve encountered, it’s bad enough they say it once but they kept repeating themselves and you could say it’s like all these horrible things have been planted in my head and have grown and I’d need like a weed killer but it’s finding the right one. Or like I’ve had these things tattooed in my head and despite laser therapy the things aren’t completely gone. Weird analogies I come up with but it’s how I can best describe it. 

Completely agree with you there. I think the thing is I pay for therapy but then once they’ve got enough they just drop you like that! People seem to think I just choose to be like this when I don’t. I just want to enjoy and live my life but I get told if that’s the case why did I not “defend myself” or “it’s my fault I never made any friends” when I tried but no one wanted me. And I didn’t choose to get bullied and harassed etc but no one seems to understand that. I try and do what I normally like to make me feel better but then I get told it’s wrong and that and well I’ve ended up seeing disturbing things so now I don’t feel I can enjoy anything. Long story 

What is wrong with these people! If you could just forget about it you would have done, nobody wants to feel like this for sh1ts and giggles. 

I think talking about truamas is like lancing a boil, you've got to do it to let all the bad stuff out before it poisons you further.

I can totally agree with you there. I told my therapist that I have autism and cPTSD and when doing my sessions I say the same old spiel over and over despite having so much from the job issue always back to being bullied as a toddler. Then I was told why can’t I just move on and let go and accept reality and I’m like I’ve paid all that money to hear that?! I hate to say this but I’m not having to resort to meds in the hope they can at least help with the meltdowns. I am very weary of them though I’ll admit. I also spoke to my mum about something that has traumatised me and I’ve never spoken about it to anyone as I kept quiet for a few years but in my meltdown yesterday I just blurted it out so I’m feeling all the hurt and shock over again. 

I was offered EMDR, and didn't think it was suitable for people with cPTSD, I questioned the therapist about how it would work when the trauma's go back as far as I can remember, and some of the memories are just sort of snapshots. Where do you start when the traumas start so young? He eventually admitted that what he was offering was unlikely to help, but he was still very zealous about EMDR, the zealotry did disturb me, as I don't really trust zelots of any stripe as I don' think they can see the wood for the trees.

Thank you for the tips. I’m thinking of possibly having a break or even stopping therapy as I just seem to be told the same techniques all the time and I have lost confidence with my latest emdr therapy. I just can’t take the brutality of it all. I will try the letter thing though and then burn. Kind of like the beginning of the latest James Bond film where they burn their issues etc 

You are not untreatable, in my time as a counsellor I helped people who suffer as you do with intrusive memories and thoughts, I've had lots of them myself and sometimes still do. Try to find someone who's familiar with empty chair exercises, I would of thought most counsellors and therapists would be, but maybe I'm wrong?

With an empty chair exercise, you place an object or a photo or something in an empty chair, the counsellor will guide you through telling that memory person how what they said and did to you was wrong, it will all be your words and memories, but instead of staying with your hurt child self you will be speaking to them as an adult, standing up for your younger self. It all sounds a bit strange, but believe me it works and is very powerful. 

You could try writing a letter to one of the people contaminating your head and tell them exactly what they've done to you, what sort of person are they for saying these things to a young and impressionable person. Then burn it, let the flames take the hurt and anger.

CBT is well known to need adapting for neurodivergency so it's not a surprise that didn't work. I don't think just talking is always great with autism either. I've never tried any of the others to have much opinion but I just don't think you've found the right therapist and therapy yet. It isn't your fault.

I'm not expert and can offer no actual advice but having an inner monologue and negative self talk is common with autism. But to be hearing the voices of other people sounds like more than that. Perhaps due to one of your other diagnoses, I don't know. When you were diagnosed with your other conditions do you talk about these voices?