PDA, or Sticking to principles

PDA is anxiety based from what I know, expectations even ones you have for yourself can be overwhelming and cause severe anxiety and panic. I suppose like ASD there are levels of it perhaps? Some cases more extreme than others. Other neurodivergent conditions like ADHD added to the mix would be like a bomb going off in your head I would imagine.

Sticking to principles can be nerve wracking and anxiety producing, especially when others around you disagree equally as strongly.

TheCatWoman said:

Sticking to principles can be nerve wracking and anxiety producing, especially when others around you disagree equally as strongly.

How do you cope when the principles you are fighting so had to maintain turn out to be unsuitable for the situation?

For example, a slightly extreme example, if you were a traffic warden and saw a van parked on double yellow lines and decided to clamp the wheel - would you do this if it was an ambulance picking up someone involved in a road accident?

Rules are rules - clamp the ambulance and it is their fault for parking on a double yellow. Reality says it should be an exception as the life is more important than the parking rule. Which one wins?

Life is much more nuanced so is it really worth sticking so hard to the rules without taking time to consider all the angles? 

I think it took me to my 30s to get over the rigidity of following principles blindly.

TheCatWoman said:

I find difficult about many ND people is the black and white thinking,

This is one of my biggest failings. I didn't know about it till I saw something on cognitive distortions a few months ago. It can be an attribute in some work settings, such a regulatory, standards and protocol areas where there can only be one right answer, but is not so helpful in life.

youtu.be/GSRurCJYvAI

One of the things I find difficult about many ND people is the black and white thinking, mind many NT's are as bad, having been pushed to the margins of society since childhood, I started to enjoy the margins, the liminal, I rarely ever think in black and white, to me most things are shades of grey.

I don't see my principles as being detrimental to others, but they can be for me, as I often won't go for knee jerk popular and populist solutions, this had got me into trouble more than once. But with something like capital punishment it's not really something I have to deal with on a day to day basis, this country abolished capital punishment in the 1960's, I would fight to keep it abolished.

I'm much less bothered about what others think of me than a lot of other people, obviously I'd prefer to be liked than disliked as it makes life easier. I will agree to differ with people, but unfortunately other seem less able to do this. I have more problems from the things I cannot do for health reasons than principles, for example I don't drink alcohol, I've not been able to since menopause, but I get so much stick for it. Amoung my generation not drinking alcohol is likely to get you shouted at, your drink spiked and all sorts of nastiness, about the best of which is being laughed at for supposedly having "the clap" and being on anti-biotics. I get similar stuff about being vegetarian, people don't seem to want to accept that I can't digest animal protein and eating it causes days or weeks of digestive upsets. I sometimes wonder what came first, my social phobia or being sick and tired of having to explain myself to the ignorant?

TheCatWoman said:

you said I fought harder because of my autistic PDA and a knee jerk cPTSD reaction, thats a pretty big statement when you think about it, there are assumptions there

I was basing this off other conversations we have had in the past where you talked about your cPTSD responses to situations and it seemed probable to me that this would play a part in the drivers for your response.

TheCatWoman said:

Is it only ASC people that have PDA?

No. NTs can also have this condition but it is an autistic trait so has higher occurrance within autists than NTs.

TheCatWoman said:

What do you believe principles to be? What I pick up from reading your posts is that you see them as something holding us back and generally a bad thing

It is not the principles themselves that matter to me these days - I have been a very principled person in the past  and it often caused me problems with a society that was much less rigid in its thinking.

I have learned to see life it all of its shades of grey and realise that holding strong principles is a choice which has its negatives. Such absolutism causes detriment to others but those expressing these principles will often turn a blind eye to it.

There is no real answer to whether principles are right or wrong, only a perspective and one that comes at a price.

TheCatWoman said:

you said I fought harder because of my autistic PDA and a knee jerk cPTSD reaction, thats a pretty big statement when you think about it, there are assumptions there

I was basing this off other conversations we have had in the past where you talked about your cPTSD responses to situations and it seemed probable to me that this would play a part in the drivers for your response.

TheCatWoman said:

Is it only ASC people that have PDA?

No. NTs can also have this condition but it is an autistic trait so has higher occurrance within autists than NTs.

TheCatWoman said:

What do you believe principles to be? What I pick up from reading your posts is that you see them as something holding us back and generally a bad thing

It is not the principles themselves that matter to me these days - I have been a very principled person in the past  and it often caused me problems with a society that was much less rigid in its thinking.

I have learned to see life it all of its shades of grey and realise that holding strong principles is a choice which has its negatives. Such absolutism causes detriment to others but those expressing these principles will often turn a blind eye to it.

There is no real answer to whether principles are right or wrong, only a perspective and one that comes at a price.

TheCatWoman said:

I find difficult about many ND people is the black and white thinking,

This is one of my biggest failings. I didn't know about it till I saw something on cognitive distortions a few months ago. It can be an attribute in some work settings, such a regulatory, standards and protocol areas where there can only be one right answer, but is not so helpful in life.

youtu.be/GSRurCJYvAI

One of the things I find difficult about many ND people is the black and white thinking, mind many NT's are as bad, having been pushed to the margins of society since childhood, I started to enjoy the margins, the liminal, I rarely ever think in black and white, to me most things are shades of grey.

I don't see my principles as being detrimental to others, but they can be for me, as I often won't go for knee jerk popular and populist solutions, this had got me into trouble more than once. But with something like capital punishment it's not really something I have to deal with on a day to day basis, this country abolished capital punishment in the 1960's, I would fight to keep it abolished.

I'm much less bothered about what others think of me than a lot of other people, obviously I'd prefer to be liked than disliked as it makes life easier. I will agree to differ with people, but unfortunately other seem less able to do this. I have more problems from the things I cannot do for health reasons than principles, for example I don't drink alcohol, I've not been able to since menopause, but I get so much stick for it. Amoung my generation not drinking alcohol is likely to get you shouted at, your drink spiked and all sorts of nastiness, about the best of which is being laughed at for supposedly having "the clap" and being on anti-biotics. I get similar stuff about being vegetarian, people don't seem to want to accept that I can't digest animal protein and eating it causes days or weeks of digestive upsets. I sometimes wonder what came first, my social phobia or being sick and tired of having to explain myself to the ignorant?