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Getting used to a dog

pdaddio83

I have been struggling this past week because we have a new dog in the family. The reason I feel so stressed out and on edge all the time now is because I never actually wanted a dog, ever. My family have been pestering me for years, particularly my ASC daughter. However, I never grew up with dogs and am actually kind of freaked out by them, I never know what to expect from them. After a lot of talking over with my wife (who loves dogs, she's the other main voice on that side), I finally relented and we picked him up from the shelter last weekend.

I've now gone through a whole range of mixed emotions, from thinking this might be ok when he's calm, to thinking my life/marriage is over because I can't cope. I even had a meltdown on the 3rd day because the dog "bit" me (not actually, but exploring with his mouth while I was trying to stroke him), I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. 

At this point I can start to see patterns now and understand the dog a bit better. But I know this isn't good enough, I do need to take joint responsibility too . I'm still scared to go near him when he's all jumpy and overexcited, and I don't want to live in fear in my own home. Currently there are times I have to force myself to be nice to him, it just does not feel natural to me.

Has anyone else ever had to go through something like this? I think things might be normalising slowly, but I need to imagine that my life will get better when I've had absolutely no previous experience of this.

Parents
  • Iain said:
    IF you are giving of a fear response then the dog will treat you as a lesser pack member and try to assert dominance over you. This is how the pecking order is established in their world
    Iain said:
    For effective ownership of a dog you need to be consistent, exhibit alpha energy and behaviour (in order to be seen as an authority figure)

    This is now widely recognised as flawed and outdated thinking. This article explains more - including how the researcher on whose work that theory was based later recognised it wasn’t correct:

    Beyond the Dog - Debunking the “Alpha Dog” Myth

    As a Google AI summary notes, it can have a counterproductive impact on dogs:

    “The concept of the "alpha dog" in dog training is based on flawed research and outdated theories about wolf behavior. ... This "alpha" approach can be detrimental, causing fear, anxiety, and even aggression in dogs. Modern, positive reinforcement-based training methods are more effective and build stronger bonds between humans and their dogs.”

Reply
  • Iain said:
    IF you are giving of a fear response then the dog will treat you as a lesser pack member and try to assert dominance over you. This is how the pecking order is established in their world
    Iain said:
    For effective ownership of a dog you need to be consistent, exhibit alpha energy and behaviour (in order to be seen as an authority figure)

    This is now widely recognised as flawed and outdated thinking. This article explains more - including how the researcher on whose work that theory was based later recognised it wasn’t correct:

    Beyond the Dog - Debunking the “Alpha Dog” Myth

    As a Google AI summary notes, it can have a counterproductive impact on dogs:

    “The concept of the "alpha dog" in dog training is based on flawed research and outdated theories about wolf behavior. ... This "alpha" approach can be detrimental, causing fear, anxiety, and even aggression in dogs. Modern, positive reinforcement-based training methods are more effective and build stronger bonds between humans and their dogs.”

Children
  • in reply to Bunny
    Bunny said:
    This is now widely recognised as flawed and outdated thinking.

    I understand that the current thinking around dog psychology and it still requires the owner to be an authority figure BUT with an understanding of both the dogs body language and their psychology to be an effective owner.

    www.dwdogtraining.com/.../

    Dogs are social creatures, sure, but their relationships are way more flexible than the old dominance theory suggested. They’re more interested in figuring out what works to get the good stuff (food, toys, attention) than in who’s the boss.

    In a household, dogs often establish loose, situational hierarchies that can change depending on the resource in question. 

    Understanding how these hierarchies form and manipulating them can mean that a child is not pushed aside by the dog who wants the food the child has - if the dog did this and got away with it in the past then it becomes a learned behaviour.

    As the authority figure you need to correct the dog and prevent it doing the same thing again to ensure the child does not get hurt if nothing else.

    I'm not advocating cruelty but applied psychology and practical steps.

    The hierarchy is very real, just not in the way you probably thought I meant.

    So all my original statement remains relevant.