Hello!
After quite some time I finally feel able to talk about this and maybe someone had similar experiences they would like to share.
I know that it is normal to fight, especially now during my transition to the “adult world”, but the most recent fight between me and my mother seems to stick with me a bit more than usual. I don’t really understand what happened. We started talking about my FSJ (Voluntary Social Year, a common thing to do in Germany). I will spend this year with our local Red Cross emergency service. There were some misunderstandings and I messed up once (I don’t deny that at all). On top of that some complications occurred (thankfully they were resolved yesterday) and my parents (especially my mother) always tend jump to apocalyptic scenarios lately, freaking out about minor mishaps, even though I am the one responsible and I am the one whose future is on the line.
We started discussing options and suddenly everything escalated so quickly, I don’t know what really happened. I was already pretty much on edge because of a meltdown at school a few days prior and tumbled halfway into a meltdown with all the yelling, thus started subconsciously hitting and scratching myself. My mother then proceeded to grab and restrain my wrists, while still yelling at me to stop crying. She threw my phone at me, hit me on the back of my head and screamed things like: “Why don’t you just pack your bags and go?!” or “We will not pay for university, see to yourself. You’re sick!”
My mom is a good person and always tries to do the right thing. She overworks herself and is very stressed. We later apologised to each other and normally it’s fine after, but this time around I‘m unable to really let go. Am I angry? Or am I just disappointed of myself? Maybe I’m just trying to understand what happened. I don’t know, but my thoughts keep going back to this incident.
Did somebody ever have a fight like that and did it resolve itself after a while? I’m too scared to start another fight if I try to talk to her about it. There’s far too much going on to handle that right now.
