how to get out my own head

aurelis said:

How do you use mindfulness?

In essence it is a way to focus your thoughts on the present which gives you the ability to observe yourself and understand what you are feeling, how your mind is working and - with practice - actively change the default habits of your mind to a more positive outcome.

It is more complex than that and a good explanation is given here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mindfulness

I use it to take control of my thoughts that used to run away, catastrophise or go all ADHD and look for new stimuli. With it I have a lot more mental discipline and have been able to overcome a lot of the issues my autism has thrown at me.

It does cost mentally and you need to learn when a break is needed. To help with this I also learned some meditation which helps me calm and recharge faster than I used to.

Here is quite a good link to explain how to use some simple basics from mindfulness to calm yourself:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/practical-mindfulness/202502/the-best-1-minute-mindfulness-practice-for-reducing-stress

It is quite possible to learn at home and practice until it starts working for you - no need to pay for a teacher or traiing course.

Hi Aurelis, 

Firstly, the less appealing news is that we wouldn't be here if most of us had a concrete solution to your issue. 

What is appealing is that once you have gained some order, you can unlock spectacular solutions out of the blue to many of your problem-solving needs. Well, that is how it worked out for me after years of battling my inner demons. Much of what you have described is symptomatic of ADHD, and the beauty of having both conditions is that they are constantly trying to trip up the other. The ADHD side is disorganised, forgetful, and discontented, whilst the autistic side is screaming out for rigorous order. I would suggest getting an assessment.

 If you are more of a traditionalist, you could try the meditation and mindfulness route; there are some ADHD specific courses, or if sitting and chanting isn't for you, you may find this book helpful:

https://amzn.eu/d/0ra3m1U

 I hope that helps......

B&I

Body doubling is a strategy where you work alongside someone else. You don’t have to work together, it’s just that the presence of another person helps you to stay on track. It can be helpful, but that really depends on the person and situation. For me, it sometimes interferes with my aversion to being perceived while working, but as long as I trust the other person and they are also working on something, it keeps me focused.

Now, logic looping is a term I established for myself to describe thought loops during a study process. Another term might be “falling into a rabbit hole” (although not exactly the same). It seems to be a rather common experience in the autistic community to just get stuck on objectively unimportant details. For instance, I recently tried to study for my upcoming biology exam and despite understanding the material, my brain got stuck on a very specific question. First I tried to just go on knowing that this detail is not relevant for the exam, but I wasn’t able to because my thoughts kept coming back to this question. 1.5 hours and several videos of university-level biology lectures later I finally found a satisfying answer to the questions that formed after having the initial question answered. 
Do I actually have to know this stuff? No! 
But would I have been able to go on without researching it? Also no.

what do you mean by body double, and logic looping?

verbalising has helped me when I do it. especially with close family. Because then I end up missing details and skipping over things and someone has to slow me down to go through that thinking process a lot more slowly. 

I hear you with breaks. I really find that a big challenge haha.

I have been diagnosed with autism since I was very young. My mom helped with structure in my life when I was younger, by doing things like creating coloured timetables of my school day etc. As an adult, I began to see how much is in the world to do, and the boundlessness of it, and become overwhelmed and yet very over-excited by this. So I run faster in my head than I get to write things down.

I spoke to a mental health doctor since last year (who is someone I can just contact to book an appointment, but not like a therapist) and mentioned these challenges. I went in with the mindset when I first started this with 'ah this appointment will fix me and I'll be on the right track'. Before that, I was hesitant to start going because I felt shame for feeling weak to talk to a mental health person, and a sense of shame that I had let my family down. I sometimes still feel like that, but atleast realise now that it is because I've been running for a long time juggling everything in my head and not sharing often these things in my head with other people.

The journey for creating boundaries is really difficult, but an important thing I am learning recently for some better structure is learning to say no, and not yes to everything. That's been painful haha, but I think it'll be worth it

lists used to be a love hate relationship for me. I write notes and then misplace them, and have a strong pull to turn back to thinking things through in my head. Before lists used to be me dumping every single thing on them, and then becoming overwhelmed and not able to sustain the list.

Here I know that the backlog for getting therapy is quite long. I know something I need is considering best practice. Because a lot of the time I am trying to force practices in for me that I believe will help me be more productive, and I end up running down a path of working harder and not smarter.

I am concerned about the side effects that can come with medication, thinking that it may make me feel dull. 

I know that the best thing for me is having someone alongside me that can help me organise things and prioritise what is necessary. As I am self-employed, and the employment I do take on expects independence, it can be difficult to think to ask for help, and it is assumed that you are managing okay because I can make it come together in the end, albeit last minute and in a lot of stress haha.

How do you use mindfulness? what is your routine for that? My mind runs very fast and often challenging to find a way to slow it down.

You sound GLORIOUSLY autistic.  All the things you describe are shared with me too (and yes, I find these things are often a problem in my everyday life too - quite a bit!!)

Whilst I had hoped that someone here on the forum (or a "professional") would have been able to "help" me overcome some of the worst "excesses" of my autistic realities, I have come to understand [over the period of nearly 3 years now] that this was never going to happen.....and initially, that frustrated and upset me.  

I don't think there is a "cure" or "treatment" to mitigate against these things you describe in a safe and sustainable way although I do find that some things and some behaviours are helpful in keeping me best "balanced" when I am around other humans or completing tasks.  Music, speech radio, forward motion, being outside in nature, sleep deprivation, ......and not trying to fight myself all the time.....can all play their part.

Also, like you I also always try to make sure that all my steps are made clear for other people.  In my case, this simply involves explaining to them that I am "pretty unusual" in my approach and modus operandi (ie the way I go about things.)  Thankfully, although my methods are really quite weird and inexplicable, I do often deliver the required results to peoples satisfaction........so I am granted latitude to be different and weird (most of the time!)

I wish you luck processing your thoughts and needs on these matters.....it ain't easy!!

[And finally - fyi - "getting off your head" was a phrase used to describe getting very drunk or otherwise intoxicated to the point that it was dangerous and stupid to do so.]

Enjoy the rest of your day aurelis.

Yours

Number.

I'm not sure what 'getting off your head' means. I am referring to being stuck in my way of thinking, and not able to take in things from the world around me and process things in the right way. I have a strong propensity to want to do things in the way I see things, which can come across as selfish and inconsistent. I struggle to process advice and to take it on properly. I also think I overthink a lot, and I really feel like I am missing out on life by staying within my head. Now I've been made aware more often that people can't work out what I am thinking (because I will make decisions for things and run off with it and think it is clear to the other person, which I think is an autistic thing), I am trying to make sure all my steps are made clear for other people.

Sometimes when I’ve got a lot on my plate (which is the case right now) it helps to verbalise the tasks in front of an understanding friend. It can help to break the task down into the required steps (I’m much of a verbal processing type) and the person I’m explaining it to can make sure that I stay on track and don’t start logic looping or drifting off. While doing the task, I either like to write down the steps beforehand and/or find a body double (although that’s not always possible). Also, I try to do longer tasks in shorter intervals. That does not always work because I’m really bad at making conscious breaks during a task, but when I have the energy to do so, it tends to prevent me from burning out as fast as well as the constant drifting off because I bring myself to take a step back from the topic, thus forcing myself to think about whether I’m still on topic with my thoughts.

Is "getting out of my head" (as you write) the same as "getting off your head" (a common phrase from 20 years ago?)

aurelis said:

i reached a breaking point this year, and realised I lacked routine

This is fairly easy to setup and organise but very hard to maintain, especially if you have ADHD traits.

This is something I would suggest discussing with your GP and see if they could suggest any medication to trial to see if it helps you.

It may just be a case of you need to use it in times of extreme stress like now but it often comes with side effects that you should study and consider before agreeing to such an option.

The other safer option is to get yourself a psychotherapist with skills in neurodiversity to help you practice techniques that can help. I used to be very much the same and found mindfulness was a great tool to enable me to rationalise situations and create plans / schedules when needed to get over the chaos I often found myself amongst (I used to specialise in fixing broken IT teams so often ended up rebuilding teams while huge backlogs of calls existed and there were multiple disasters happening daily).

Having a solid understanding of "best practice" processes for your line of work helps tremendously too - you can use these to guide many of your processes and then do regular catch up sessions each day to revisit your priorities and adapt in the worst of the chaos until it starts to smooth out.

The mindfulness teaches the discipline but if your ADHD is getting in the way then the meds may be what you need - get advice from the professionals on this would be my recommendation.

I find lists work well for me. I find that when I put things down on paper I don't have to juggle so much in my head so I can let them go. You can put numbers next to them for urgent,  not so urgent and I'll get around to it sometime when I've got nothing else to do. The problem is remembering to look at the lists so that I get stuff done lol.

aurelis said:

my mind is so stuck inside itself. It runs away with itself

a structured life with boundaries does help many of us feel a bit safer, but is hard to achieve when you've been living the opposite way about.  

It is exceptionally hard to structure some form of timetable with which to live by, but I find that only by living to such a timetable do these things eventually become habitual and normalised. 

You don't mention your ASD status, but what you describe does sound like someone who may be experiencing some symptoms consistent with ADHD even, and it could be worth speaking to your GP about this, if you've not already done so (or taking an online test of which there are several).   This isn't a medical opinion, just a thought.  

I wish you luck, and hope that this forum brings some support going forward.