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andi

Hi. So my aunt who I hold in very high stead doesn’t really believe I have my autism diagnosis and that I’ve been misdiagnosed and am just anxious and have a trauma response instead because she said I don’t really have the signs of autism cuz she worked with kids and I never presented the same. She keeps comparing me to my cousin who she’s convinced that has autism and ADHD (he’s 21).  

my dad fully believes I am said he’s done a whole lot of research for ages and said I’ve got the markers and have mannerisms and in the way I present. 

I’ve realised I’m a very heavy masker in most situations and am very very rearly myself true authentic self yet I know if I’m fully myself il get taken the mick of. 

Do you guys have any advise? I’m moving soon (hopefully) so I’m hoping I’ll be able to unmasks and finally not feel so tired all the time haha 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I know i just get annoyed by it. Like you don’t really know what it’s been like for me. How getting my diagnosis really lifted something for me like things all finally made sense but she’s just like nah your not you’re just a bit weird. Like if you don’t want to accept it fine but keep it to yourself cuz at the end of the day a specialist diagnosed me not my mum to get more money and not you. 

  • in reply to Iain

    She said my uncles got it (again not diagnosed) because of his obsession with exercise. And he gets cranky if he doesn’t do it and I don’t have one. My special interests are considered “socially acceptable” Harry Potter, baking stuff that’s isn’t uncommon. But I also keep my stuff so closed off I guess she doesn’t see it. 

  • in reply to Iain

    I think what winds me up is my cousin has never been diagnosed. I think they use me as a point of reference think I’m just a bit odd and say my cousin is worse and that’s why he has it and I don’t. But he’s also very self centred and thinks he’s better then everyone and knows more then everyone and is just down right rude. But they say “that’s just the way he is you got to remember he’s on the spectrum” on the spectrum or not diagnosed or not doesn’t give you the right to treat people the way he does. And because “it’s just the way he is and he doesn’t understand” he’s not learning it’s wrong and is essentially just bullying everyone. I think that’s what winds me up the most 

  • andi said:
    She keeps comparing me to my cousin who she’s convinced that has autism and ADHD (he’s 21).  

    Tell her it is a spectrum confition so people have a range of symptoms at different levels of intensity so no 2 autistic people are exactly alike.

    You could also point out that it is almost certainly hereditary and then see if you can spot if she has autistic traits too - this tends to put the cat amongst the pigeons and stops them wanting to talk about it.

    Or you could realise her opinions are ignorant and poorly informed - like most of the rest of the population unfortunately, so treat it as her failing, forgive her and file it under "stuff to not get on my nerves".

    Learning to stop caring about other peoples opinions (unless they are really important to you) is an invaluable life skill.

  • I think your aunts response is quite a common one, not just about autism, but people who spend time in a particular job, like nursing, seem to think they know better than doctors and other related professions. I've known so many nurses who self diagnose and treat, who ignore a doctors advice, who make judgemental opinions about people and won't be budged from them. Teachers who know better than anybody else, especially parents about a childs needs.

    I'd try and let your aunts comments go over your head, you can still love and respect her, even though on this subject she's wrong, we're all allowed to be wrong sometimes, maybe as you unmask and become the real authentic you, she'll see a side of you and of autism she's not experienced before.