Who says you havent achieved things and that you're a failure?
It's primarily a self evaluation, based on things like never having had paid employment,and having inferior academic qualifications by modern standards. That's toxically blended with comparisons with my father.My father? Retired as diplomatic equivalent of a 2star general. Compared to that I'm a complete and utter failure.
A better,stronger,person would've overcome the effects of the bullying related trauma. Then there's the fact that I'm a fraud who dishonestly interacts with genuinely very intelligent persons.
You are a very intelligent person, not having a piece of paper to say that you did such and such is no marker of intelligence, believe me I met some incredibly stupid people at uni, some were accademically high achievers, but we're safe to be let out on thier own!
Why the need to compare? We can all find people who've done "better" than us, but it depends on how you define better? THe way that the world defines success has led to environmental degredation, enslavement of many people, the denigration of women and childrem and poor men, just so the elite can swagger about, is this what you wish to emulate, what you grieve for not achieving? You have found love, you have found family, people who choose to be around you, who want you to be part of thier lives, who don't care that you're not any of the above swaggering so called big men. To me thats more improtant that all the money and accolades in the world. Have you ever thought that all these outwardly rich and successful men might be inwardly terrified of losing what they have, that they feel a constant pressure to obtain more by fair means or foul, that their ego's are incredibly fragile, that they can't admit to having a softer and loving side because they're afraid of being seen as weak and being torn down by those coming up behind them who've they've tried to kick off the ladder of success?
A more compassionate person than your father would probably have realised the trauma his son was suffering and removed him from the school.
I think we need to remember that we grew up in different times, things like autism we're recognised, we were expected to suck up bullying and were told to either stay away from "them" or that being bullied was character building.
