Feel like I'm a outlier. Somewhat apart from the rest of you. I regularly check for new posts, but feel unable to contribute.
Feel like I'm a outlier. Somewhat apart from the rest of you. I regularly check for new posts, but feel unable to contribute.
You sound wise beyond your years Emmalephant. It's nice to have you around here.
Let’s be outliers together, it’s no good if you do it for yourself. Shared frustration equals less frustration and honestly I think that many people have much more to share than they would believe. I’m barely an adult, surely you have much more to say than me and although I feel a bit immature and weird for it, I’m still here, sharing my unimportant opinions, few experiences and naïve questions.
You’re an interesting individual just by existing, I’m sure you’ve got plenty to say, more than you’d think.
Get yerself a cat!
I'm not allowed to have a pet where I live, unfortunately.
My digital skills are mediocre at best. I can do the very basic digital things, but nothing beyond that.
Get yerself a cat!
Always a new post to make when you otherwise would have nothing else to say...
I’m 53. Never had a partner or a relationship. No family. No friends other than work colleagues. No hope that will change. I really hoped to find other people in my position here.
Sorry, I’m making your thread about me so I’ll back out now. Just know that you are very far from the only person who feels like the odd one out here.
There seem to be far fewer folk around in general on here.
but I found only a very tiny number here have failed to find friends and partners.
I've had very few f2f friends over 67 years. I was in a very similar situation to you till I met my late wife in psych hospital. I'd given up hope of ever having a partner . Outside of my chosen and birth families there is no one. I do understand what it's like to have once been in your position.
I think there are quite a few people on here who’ve never had a job. Not having a degree describes around two thirds of the population. And people with severe mental illness are if anything over represented here compared to the general population. A huge proportion here are medicated and there have been so many heartbreaking tales of time spent in psychiatric facilities.
One of the things that disappointed me most about this forum was that I expected a group of autistic people to have a similar social experience to myself - social difficulties are a key feature of the criteria - but I found only a very tiny number here have failed to find friends and partners.
You may think not having a career is a failure, but I’d say being so judged by the world and society and people that nobody wants to have you in their life is a far bigger failure. Basic human contact and being loved are such fundamental aspects of the human experience that most people here cannot begin to understand or process the experience I have had in life.
Which I guess goes back to my original comment. We’re a diverse group.
I guess it depends on what you regard as making you an outlier. For me it's never having had a paid job, not having a university degree, having a severe mental illness.
I often feel the same as you, except for me it's my lack of digital skills, age just different interests to most on here that leave me feeling sidelined. I don't watch endless video's on you-tube, cartoons, disney, anime, I don't do photo's and I don't understand many of the acronyms, emoji's and stuff that others use.
I'm posting less and starting fewer new threads as they get so few replies, I feel most posters pass me by like ships in the night.
I am sorry Firemonkey. My core point still stands though - it makes you less of an outlier here than some of us.
I had an older partner. She was the pragmatic, streetwise one, until she developed vascular dementia c2002/3. We were together 22 years and married nearly 19 years. She died in 2005. The daughter I mention is my late wife's youngest from a previous marriage. We regard ourselves as 'father and daughter' . That's something that's developed over time. Her biological father was off the scene before she reached school age. I talk about 'chosen family'. In that we're not blood related,, but I love them and they love me just as much as if we are.
The last birth family I saw was my late father in October 2018. I do exchange regular emails with my brother.
I think you’ve said in previous posts that you have a partner and a daughter. From my perspective - completely alone - that makes you incredibly successful in life. It also makes you much less of an outlier here than I am.
I've been lucky rather than skilful in reaching the age of 67.
67 years of luck? You have more skills, probably subliminally learnerd, than you give yourself credit for.
You are a survivor so take some comfort that you have have these skills even if they are not readily identifiable to your concious mind.
This self-denigration is also a common autistic trait rooted in our values of self worth and it helps to see if this is the case so you can understand your achievements, however small you may make them, and take some pleasure in having done them in spite of the challenges you faced.
If you see a therapist then maybe ask them about this - it may give some positive results.
To be honest I've never had much in the way of 'survival skills'. I've been lucky rather than skilful in reaching the age of 67.
Just thinking about the issues/difficulties/problems that got missed or were dismissed as 'character defects' . Whether that's a common autistic experience.
I'm with on this - it seems a very common experience for later diagnosed autists who had lived their lives without the understanding of the drivers for some of their experiences.
Acceptance that you were navigating life with an invisible disability has taught you survival skills that most younger autist will never learn. You had to grow a defencive shell to survive the attentions of others and mask/script to blend in as much as you did, all without knowing what you have and how to do these things.
Give yourself a pat on the back for being a survivor. Now you know about it then learn a few skills to make your life more comfortable and consider it the benefit of the knowledge.
One of the better things to come ouf of the situation is that you have found your kin here to share your experiences with, to ask things of and learn new ways of dealing with the things that cause you pain.
were dismissed as 'character defects' . Whether that's a common autistic experience. Especially among those of us who were late diagnosed.
I think this is definitely true for many of us.
I would be very surprised if the VAST, VAST majority of us here don't feel exactly the same as what you have written. I think we were simply made this way. For the record, I don't just just "feel" like an outlier......all evidence suggests that I am an outlier.
I am glad you remain here.
Just thinking about the issues/difficulties/problems that got missed or were dismissed as 'character defects' . Whether that's a common autistic experience. Especially among those of us who were late diagnosed. It's been suggested by several people with ADHD that I may well have the 'inattentive' type. It would certainly explain a lot re my difficulty prioritising, when it comes to multistep tasks. Also school reports with frequent comments about being disorganised and messy.
At 67 I don't see any point in getting assessed,in the way I would've done 20-30 years ago. It's not always easy, in fact it's very hard at times, but living with things as they are- rather than how they could/should have been - is the sensible approach to take.
