I want to unmask

I know this is old; however, I have only recently been diagnosed with Autism and realised so many connections and the masking. I've been unmasking, I didn't know how at first, I still don't really, but it seems to be happening on its own and all kinds of weird things are going on. My psych told me this is normal for late diagnosed, and after 12 months it should settle down. I've been going through a whole identity crisis of not knowing who I really am due to all the masking and it's been a rough few months. Looking forward to reading everyone's comments about the original post.

I have this problem where it feels like people looking in all the time, as though I am made of glass. Although I can tolerate this for significant lenghs of time, it is very exausting if it is for a 9-5 35hr a week job.

Unless I am quite strict about this I don't feel totally confident in certain situations, which can lead people to think I am uptight and that this is my entire personality. Really it is the defence mechanism you put up which people notice mostly. Some people see when my guard is up, my family and loved ones however I am able to drop this very quickly. Mixed situations can be difficult.  People expect you to be the real you and consistent with them.

Its about estabilishing your own secure barriers. I have noticed there are particular people who attempt to force their way through, subconsciously (as it is only me who sees/feels this) I call them smilers because it scares me. If you have seen the horror movie Smile - those staring eyes and smirk. Those are the people who do not respect your barriers and you should proabbly leave their company. 

You need to find or make the right environment for yourself to unmask.

It’s a right state now but I hope t stays and gets a refurb 

When i got diagnosed I started to unmask, its been nice to be the real autistic me without worrying what other people think and at work i seem to be getting more support now. But since ive let my guard down im struggling a lot more with my triggers around work and family and im struggling a lot more  socially especially around family. People either like me as i am or not at all if its the later I really don't care anymore. Lots of people have been really understanding since ive unmasked and they understand a bit more how to be around me to.avoid triggering me. The burn outs seem to be getting worse aswell but its better to unmask i think 

I stayed in Circus Circus, but that was a long time ago. I'm sure they've knocked it down and rebuilt it several times since then.

Also Dont unmask to someone too late i had a coworker who was amazing and I pretty much filmy unmasked in her last week or two wirh us and infeel we could of been closer Friends sooner as when I unmasked more I feel our personalities matched so well 

I love vegas but I mean it all started wirh circus circus who wouldn’t love a cirucs based resort 

also if I recall jrs rhe 508 where the lights flicker sometimes as they have insufiencent power when the power shoe has a gap to transverse 

I share your need to unmask, it is such an automatic response for me it’s not just something I can decide to do atm. The only real option for me is to reduce the amount of time I spend around others then I don’t mask. Once you recognise you do it I come away from interactions beating myself up for doing it. 
I wish it was a simple switch you could leave on if things are manageable or just turn off when you know it will cost you too much. 

While nearly identical in passenger appearance, the Class 508 was initially four-car sets with two compressors and passenger-controlled doors, a feature later blanked off for Merseyrail use, whereas the 507 was a three-car set with a single compressor.

I am pathologically unable to avoid looking up anything I don't know.

I've been to Vegas. I know it was hot. 46°C that weekend. I don't know a whole lot else about it, other than it brought "tacky" to a level of fine art.

Do you have an intrest that you’ve nkt told people about thats helped for me i talk more openly about trains,my favourite cities i want to visit and my favourite music artists and the key is not caring what people might think 

so what if im a swiftie so what if people will say ih I thought that’s what teenage girls listen to (i mean it’s a wrong stereotype but what ever)

So what if people think it’s nerdy to know the difference between a clas 507 and 508 pep unit 

so what if people think it’s weird that I know so much about vegas despite never been there 

I feel I have done stuff because I should instead of because I want to. That included entering into group chats about the inane stuff that allists talk about. For me the solution has been to not engage any more. I found at a club I joined, that if I didn't join in but took myself off to be quiet and alone, that people were understanding and left me alone. Only problem is they niw seem to think i dont want to talk at all. Now I miss grown up serious discussions.Cant win.

I can relate to that a lot,

Over the years I've noticed things about myself that I've definitely not liked and wanted to change, so this bits of the mask are ones I'll keep. 

Mostly clumsiness with words and upsetting people as a result, usually people I really didn't want to upset!

Just to say I'm in the same boat - you're not alone!

I'm suffering burnout and working out a healthier existence - which will involve unmasking - but expecting it to take a long time (years?) to work out what my authentic self is.

As a child/teenager I was very gaffe-prone, clumsy with words and I've learnt to be so careful with words since. I don't want to unravel all of that because I prefer my new sensitive, considerate self. But keeping all my thoughts, opinions and quirky methods hidden and repressed is no good. So I think it'll be one thing at a time, judging the situation. And allowing as much alone/recovery time as possible after occasions of tricky/brave/intentional unmasking.

I hope you find some joy with this.

I'd say recognise your authentic self, and don't allow others to corrupt that 

I totally agree

Some of it will definitely be "part of us" , especially those that have done a long time before really seeing how much we mask. 

It's a balance of not bending too much for other people while using it to fit in and stay employed etc. 

Since diagnosis, I've been very analytical of myself and those around me. Watching social situations and life in general. Almost re thinking it all. I'm finding I'd got a lot of views that might be skewed.

I noticed that a lot of things I do that I think other would notice, they don't. So I've started to be more relaxed about doing them and feel a little less self conscious.

I also noticed a lot of other people doing things that nobody is bothered about.

Us autistic folk can analyse things so much that we notice stuff, we then assume everyone else does. to be honest the ones who'll notice you doing something "out of the ordinary" will probably be autistic themselves.

Masking has driven so much I've done, that and RSD , which I believe is probably the root cause of us feeling we need to mask, in order to not be rejected. 

I do also think even alistic people mask, they put on a front or a posh voice. It's kind of the same. I see the difference being that autistic masking is done to survive. Other types are often more for material gains.

Try to drop the mask a little at a time, whatever you feel comfortable with. be a little more yourself, I think you'll notice that you feel less self conscious after a while. (Unless you're doing something really crazy!)

Ellie said:

I don't know how

This book may offer some guidance:

Taking Off the Mask: Practical Exercises to Help Understand and Minimise the Effects of Autistic Camouflaging
Hannah Louise Belcher
ISBN 9781787755901

As   says, it is not easy to exist without a mask in society as people have a tendency to be very judgemental about those who do not conform. I would practice unmasking in safer spaces first before considering going "bareback" in public and get feedback from those around you about how they see you and if they think it will be a problem if you do it everywhere.

It will depend very much on what your unmasked behaviour is like. If, for example, you flap your hands and want to talk to everyone about your special interest then you will run into pushback quite fast.

My approach is a mix of masking in situations where I know I will be expected to behave a certain way (eg when meeting my solicitor about contracts I want drawn up or when eating in a really fancy restaurant) but the rest of the time mostly being authentic and not really caring about other peoples opinions.

I have few "tells" other than a fairly unexpressive face and a tendency to stare so it isn't much of an issue. Where I do get the odd "what you looking at mate!" comments then I have a few scripted responses I use, whether to apologise using autism as an excuse to making a comment on their clothes - typically a compliment - and asking where they got them from as I would love to get my brother / wife ones like that.

You will develop the skills with time but always work with what causes the lest resistance for your ablity to deal with feedback.

Mr T said:

Unless of course you do not care what others think

If only it were actually that simple! I think for many the mask has been part of our personal evolution and development from a young age. There's a lot of unpicking and unpacking which doesnt ever stop. I suppose you learn to be more comfortable with it and work with it. Just one perspective,  of course.

Ideally we could and should be able to unmask but the demands of the allistic world means that is very difficult to do. Unless of course you do not care what others think.

What I have found after 50 years of masking is that I was unaware I was. I have been trying to unmask at home slowly and try to learn what my obvious masks are. It is not easy.

I think we should be able to stim whenever or wherever we need too, but for that we need employers and the allistic world to accept and accommodate us.