Published on 12, July, 2020
From as young as 11, I never had any friends and was devastated by the loneliness. When I got friends in college, I was really extroverted, and always tried making plans with my friends. Whenever I wasn’t around them, I felt extremely lonely and down.
hence, I got my first job at my workplace, hoping to make friends with people in my age range. After college, i lost all of my friends and was yet again negatively affected by the loneliness.
however, since I’ve dealt with countless of assholes in my workplace, it made me hate everyone and I started to appreciate being alone.
the main issue I have is my overall attitude, regarding my social life. It constantly changes from one extreme to another.
First, I am bawling my eyes out about how lonely I am. Then the next second, I decide I actually hate socialising people and want to be alone.
why am I like this
I can relate you to. I now try to find a balance. I find having friends stressful but the downside of having none is loneliness. I would say now that i don't really have any close friends they are only acquaintances. I see neuro typicals who think they have lots of friends but they are really only acquaintances. For me a friend is someone who i would "take a bullet for" , someone who i would do anything for, but i don't want to ever get that close to anyone anymore. I know people on my local music scene but i don't get too close to them. I don't socialize with them out of that setting
Because everyone has a basic human need to socialise, but being with other people can cause sensory overload if you're autistic.
It's better to socialise with just one or two people, somewhere without too much noise. It also gets easier as you get to know people better and feel more relaxed around them.
I know how you feel.
I'm sure you have plenty of positive qualities. I hope you find people you connect with here.
Maybe it would help if you shared what your hobbies and interests are?