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How do you find talking to therapists?

Oran G. Utan

For about maybe seven months now, I've been using BetterHelp for private therapy. I can't say I've found there to be any progress, though I'm not sure I'm going in with the right expectations. My therapist tries to get me to reframe my thoughts. Use less negative language, try to imagine more positive outcomes to situations, that sort of thing. "What would it be like..." is her common language for this. To which my response is often along the lines of "Well that would be unrealistic because xyz". She also tends to point out my "yets" as hopeful, despite my assurance that it's just to avoid an absolute statement. I can't tell if I'm being too rigid and set in my ways, if her approach is ill effective for autism, or a bit of both.

For anyone that uses a therapist, how do you find your engagements with them?

Parents

  • I was about to create a similar thread when I found you beat me to it.

    I was in therapy before my diagnosis. Remotely delivered CBT therapy provided by my work. It was dreadful. It was basically me spending an hour every week being told I'm wrong about everything and need to try harder. It was gaslighting and I think it damaged my self esteem.

    I later spent six months seeing a "person centred therapist". That started a few months before my autism diagnosis and ended a few months after. She was lovely and it was nice talking to her, but all she did was listen. She didn't offer any help, guidance, advice. Any random person could have done that and charged a lot less.

    And for the last couple of months I've been seeing a coach instead (something a few people on here have talked about). I have one session left. And it's led nowhere. Again, no real help or guidance that wasn't completely obvious or freely available with a simple google search.

    It is possible I have been unlucky three times, but I now feel that therapy is just a racket that unskilled people use to extract large sums of money from vulnerable people.

    I'd love to be told I'm wrong.

  • in reply to A

    Also I recommend “ The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy “ by Steph Jones.As you might be aware CBT is not always a good thing for Autistic individuals.My first therapist was offering CBT and not being very knowledgeable and also being in quite a needy kind of state it just made me feel worse.At that point I was undiagnosed 

  • in reply to New beginning

    I actually bought this book not too long ago but only read one chapter before being distracted by something else (story of my life!).  Thanks for reminding me about it - I should go back and read it.

    You make a really important point though - the wrong kind of therapy isn’t just unhelpful, it can actively harm us. But even now so many therapists still have no knowledge of neurodivergence.

  • in reply to A

    I have exactly the same problem with reading and for some reason I did manage to finish it.I think you will find it uplifting as Steph Jones does highlight the fact that some therapy makes things worse and in particular CBT.I was quite overjoyed to hear that as that explained I think why my first therapist was such a horrible experience.I was undiagnosed at the time but even so.She describes how she plucked up the courage to finally give her therapist the boot ! 
    I will try and keep you posted with my new one.I am hoping to make progress as it’s almost something that’s eating away at me quietly.

    The whole search for a therapist is pretty much a nightmare.Its like lifting the bonnet of a car …where to start and what is what ! 

Reply
  • in reply to A

    I have exactly the same problem with reading and for some reason I did manage to finish it.I think you will find it uplifting as Steph Jones does highlight the fact that some therapy makes things worse and in particular CBT.I was quite overjoyed to hear that as that explained I think why my first therapist was such a horrible experience.I was undiagnosed at the time but even so.She describes how she plucked up the courage to finally give her therapist the boot ! 
    I will try and keep you posted with my new one.I am hoping to make progress as it’s almost something that’s eating away at me quietly.

    The whole search for a therapist is pretty much a nightmare.Its like lifting the bonnet of a car …where to start and what is what ! 

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