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How do you find talking to therapists?

Oran G. Utan

For about maybe seven months now, I've been using BetterHelp for private therapy. I can't say I've found there to be any progress, though I'm not sure I'm going in with the right expectations. My therapist tries to get me to reframe my thoughts. Use less negative language, try to imagine more positive outcomes to situations, that sort of thing. "What would it be like..." is her common language for this. To which my response is often along the lines of "Well that would be unrealistic because xyz". She also tends to point out my "yets" as hopeful, despite my assurance that it's just to avoid an absolute statement. I can't tell if I'm being too rigid and set in my ways, if her approach is ill effective for autism, or a bit of both.

For anyone that uses a therapist, how do you find your engagements with them?

Parents

  • I was about to create a similar thread when I found you beat me to it.

    I was in therapy before my diagnosis. Remotely delivered CBT therapy provided by my work. It was dreadful. It was basically me spending an hour every week being told I'm wrong about everything and need to try harder. It was gaslighting and I think it damaged my self esteem.

    I later spent six months seeing a "person centred therapist". That started a few months before my autism diagnosis and ended a few months after. She was lovely and it was nice talking to her, but all she did was listen. She didn't offer any help, guidance, advice. Any random person could have done that and charged a lot less.

    And for the last couple of months I've been seeing a coach instead (something a few people on here have talked about). I have one session left. And it's led nowhere. Again, no real help or guidance that wasn't completely obvious or freely available with a simple google search.

    It is possible I have been unlucky three times, but I now feel that therapy is just a racket that unskilled people use to extract large sums of money from vulnerable people.

    I'd love to be told I'm wrong.

Reply

  • I was about to create a similar thread when I found you beat me to it.

    I was in therapy before my diagnosis. Remotely delivered CBT therapy provided by my work. It was dreadful. It was basically me spending an hour every week being told I'm wrong about everything and need to try harder. It was gaslighting and I think it damaged my self esteem.

    I later spent six months seeing a "person centred therapist". That started a few months before my autism diagnosis and ended a few months after. She was lovely and it was nice talking to her, but all she did was listen. She didn't offer any help, guidance, advice. Any random person could have done that and charged a lot less.

    And for the last couple of months I've been seeing a coach instead (something a few people on here have talked about). I have one session left. And it's led nowhere. Again, no real help or guidance that wasn't completely obvious or freely available with a simple google search.

    It is possible I have been unlucky three times, but I now feel that therapy is just a racket that unskilled people use to extract large sums of money from vulnerable people.

    I'd love to be told I'm wrong.

Children
  • in reply to Deleted User

    Your experience with person centered therapists mirrors mine. I just had a session today. Almost every response from the therapist was either "I'm sorry x happened to you" or "I understand". Really don't know what that kind of response is supposed to do for me.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Also I recommend “ The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy “ by Steph Jones.As you might be aware CBT is not always a good thing for Autistic individuals.My first therapist was offering CBT and not being very knowledgeable and also being in quite a needy kind of state it just made me feel worse.At that point I was undiagnosed 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Hi A 

    Have you thought about finding a therapist and or coach who specifically describes themselves as Autistic Neurodivergent or having ADHD if you haven’t already.
    I have just started working with a neurodivergent therapist and this time I am combining therapy with coaching.My first session was last week and what a difference! As we were talking she reminded me that as neurodivergent individuals we feel things far more deeply and when she said that I felt that she really understood what I was trying to say and what I was feeling.

    My previous 3 therapists always made me feel on edge( I was at that stage undiagnosed )and as you mentioned I felt that I wasn’t getting anywhere and at times feeling worse after a session.

    I have only had one session yet I am feeling very positive about this new therapist and I am hoping that being on an equal level neurodivergent to neurodivergent will give me what I have been needing and looking for.

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Deleted User said:
    She didn't offer any help, guidance, advice.

    This is the way therapists are trained - for meaningful breakthroughs they need to guide you to make your own discoveries / revalations otherwise the process is quite disempowering.

    There is a good article explaining this here:

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/relationship-and-trauma-insights/202212/why-your-therapist-isnt-giving-you-direct-advice

    In your shoes I would be looking to find out why I cannot get to reach the understanding when guided - there may be something blocking your self reflection (self sabotage perhaps) so I would put some effort into unpacking this as it may help you connect with the normal processes in the end.