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Maintaining friendships

NAS72570
14 days ago

Hi,

I’m not really sure what I’m asking but lately I’ve been feeling like I’m strange. My child was diagnosed as autistic at age 4 and they’re my absolute world. One thing I’ve noticed though is that I haven’t got any room for friendships other than one or two. If people from the past (feels like an entirely different life) get in touch I feel so anxious and don’t really know how to talk to them anymore so I completely avoid it. I reply if I get messages but I feel like I’m an alien as I don’t really feel like the same person they knew anymore.

Ive always found socialising exhausting but used to manage it but they somehow always fizzled out. Now I feel like I have absolutely nothing to give anyone and I dont want to compare or describe my life as it can be really difficult at times and everyone always talks about everything they’ve achieved or what amazing things they’ve been up to and 7 years later I’m still doing the same - supporting my child. Which I love doing but I feel like I’m a bad person because I’m not constantly chatting with them all. I feel like I should want more friendships and keep in touch with people like everyone else does - but I’m so exhausted and don’t know how to or feel I can. 

sorry, basically just a ramble.

  • 14 days ago

    Hi and welcome to the community!

    Apart from my partner, I don't have any friends to socialise with either. One of the recommendations from my diagnosis report was for a psychosocial needs assessment to be carried out, but it hasn't happened yet. In the meantime, I'm considering asking for an appointment with my GP practice's "social prescribing link worker" (NHS link).

    Here's an example of how a (randomly selected) GP practice describes the service:

    "How does it work?

    A member of our GP Practice can refer a patient for Social Prescribing. <name> is our Social Prescriber here at the surgery. Once a referral is received, <name> will contact you by phone to discuss what is important to you, what challenges you might face in accessing those things. Together, you will produce a simple support plan which will give you information on local activities and services that are available to you here in <town> and beyond.

    Work includes:

    • carrying out an assessment which identifies the care and support from which the patient might benefit.
    • signposting patients to local support services such as community groups and charities who can offer physical activities, the teaching of new skills, friendship groups, or the finding of employment.
    • reviewing the progress that people make.

    The Social Prescriber is:

    • Someone to talk to in confidence
    • Someone who is practical, helpful and will not judge
    • Someone who can support you to make decisions on what you would like to do and what is achievable
    • Someone who can find activities that will suit your needs

    The Social Prescriber is not:

    • Medically trained
    • A trained counsellor or therapist
    • A home visiting service, befriender or support worker"

    Perhaps that's something that you might like to consider discussing with your GP?

    You might also find the NAS's advice here helpful:

    Making friends - a guide for autistic adults