Anxious State

Hello Tree Spirit, Thank you for reaching out to me and sharing that! I would like to say more about your post, but cannot. My head is very heavy and empty. I am putting one foot in front of another hoping I am edging closer to the help and support I desperately need not closer to the end. I am on the floor of the ring and my white flag is up. Thank you for all of the personal experiences and kind words you and many others have shared with me.

I just wanted to check in on you as I noticed the desperation in your posts and hope that you are taking small steps and each moment as opposed to thinking (this is forever) which is understandable given the time you've been suffering.  I do understand it's beyond tough to see anyway through when the predominant feelings are hugely intense.  I can only speak for how it's felt for me and to relate that to how I think you must be feeling.  I find that my Anxiety improves when I do the following, I hope you see this or find something that tides you over as it's awful having to cope internally when everyone else seems to have it together.  Trust me, they don't and are probably struggling inside too.  Here's what helps me:

1. Phoning samaritans even if I am unable to talk and just cry as they really try to be there for you.
2. Making sure I am looking after the very basics of myself - Eating well, drinking plenty and having a good sleep routine.
3. Trying to make sure i move as much as is possible and on better days try to exercise even though I find it tough.  Small steps.
4. Avoiding processed foods with high sugar.  I eat fruits to curb that craving.
5. Remind myself of the achievements no matter what they are - got out of bed and read a book, called samaritans.  These are things to be proud of because I've achieved them for me.
6. Posting on here is "real life" feels too much.
7. Talking out loud if posting here takes too much energy.
8. Having a quiet day where you don't talk much to conserve energy.
9. Having a snuggle with a pet.
10. Listening to music and having a dance or rock.
11. Stim stim stim. It helps me so much and is a form of exercise. :-)

I hope that you are able to find some solace in your own way.  I have more strategies but didn't want to overwhelm you or this site because I know you're struggling.  Sending hugs.

I felt the exact same as how your describing when I was 16-18 that age. I mean I don’t know what age you are you don’t need to tell me either but I would guess you must be quite young. So just hang in there buddy life gets better I know you want to feel better now but just be nice to yourself and be patient with your life. Make a plan for your future etc go out for walks and stuff. I’m glad I could help. We are all on here anyway to give each other advice.

Bless you KK.  Thank you for your vote of confidence in me.  It's very much appreciated.  I hope the person who posted about their Anxiety is able to find their way through as we have. :-)

There are ways to heal past trauma and suffering.  On the Plum Village YouTube channel they have many talks about healing trauma - I’d recommend them if you feel able to engage with that. I know it’s hard to look into these issues but the Plum Village approach is very gentle and sensitive to how much care is required when trying to find peace and healing from childhood trauma. Their talks about these issues helped me a great deal - worth a look if you’d like to give it a try. Good luck 

Thank you Yellow tree 118! I appreciate your kind words more than you could possibly understand. It is rather odd, but I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and I can feel the presence of you and many others on here behind me. But I am struggling really struggling. I only ask for freedom for a moment just a moment. I have been feeling like this for far too long now and the end appears to be years maybe decades away which is far too long for me to wait.

Hi there. That’s a shame but you’re not alone here all us autistic people seem to struggle with anxiety too. I also struggle in busy social situations. I clam up and feel like screaming sometimes. As I have gotten older my anxiety has dissipated quite a bit. I don’t feel as anxious anymore as I used to. That seems to be quite common in autistic people though that anxiety naturally gets better as you get older. As you get older your GABA levels increase naturally and greatly. Risk of seizures in autistic people peeks in puberty and risk of seizures greatly decreases past 18 years old and progressively decreases at even older ages. 

I believe I know my underlying issues. Anxiety, in my opinion, is another word for the voice of a person's inner child. My inner child is screaming and I cannot soothe them and do not ever think I will. Life is like a boxing match and I am down on the floor and cannot get back up. 

I’m curious about your comment ‘my life is almost perfect’ - that’s so interesting. Often anxiety is mirrored in by other difficulties we have in our lives. How is your life ‘almost perfect’ ? Do you mean in terms of  loving family, good job, security etc? Because usually anxiety is a result of underlying issues. Can you identify what your underlying issues are? 

Tree spirit - I am so incredibly glad that you survived

There should be more help - the nhs is seriously lacking in its treatment of mental health problems - and as a result we are left trying to find solutions for ourselves, and this risks lives. Bit there is hope - and you and I are living proof of that. I’m not saying I have found ‘the answer’ - but I’ve definitely found a way to reduce my anxiety - and that’s a huge deal for me. It’s also good for my family - because when we suffer our loved ones suffer - and that’s incredibly sad too. 

I love your name by the way - trees are very soothing and I find so much peace from their presence

Thank you for your kind words, I am beyond grateful for people like you who try to provide me with reassurance that everything will be okay But I do not have the energy in me to keep fighting an invisible enemy. My life is almost perfect, but I cannot enjoy it with this anxiety that has covered my life with a blanket of darkness.

I'm devastated to hear that you felt that way Kate and that many of us do/did, me included.  I did have two attempts in my 20s and am so relieved I wasn't successful because I've learnt strategies along the way on how to deal with life as you have and the folks on this site.  It really shakes me to the core when I see others suffering so badly as I know how that can feel.  I mirror your comment that things get better.  It really is worth the fight and I'm glad I'm back on here. :-)

These are such kind words - thank you. Like you I felt that I just couldn’t go on living with that level of anxiety - I have often considered suicide - not because I wanted to die (I very much didn’t ) but because I just could not cope with feeling so dreadful all the time, morning til night. I want to reassure you that there really is hope, I thought I was a lost cause after decades of terrible anxiety - but now I feel I have something that really can work. It’s no  ‘miracle cure’ and it takes time, but it’s made a huge difference to me. Good luck - we are always here for each other in this community so you’re not alone. 

This is a very helpful perspective for you to share Iain - thank you. I think the vast majority of autistic people have issues with anxiety - and more we can share ideas/experience of what has helped us the better. I think the thing about mindfulness is that it takes time and commitment - and in the past I’ve looked at it, found it not very helpful and ‘given up’. It’s not easy to work at things when you’re absolutely exhausted - so I think this is not uncommon for people to not stick with it. It was only because I was struggling SO much that I thought: “I’ve got to give this everything I’ve got because it’s more or less my last hope of being able to enjoy life again. So I’ve spent the last few months digging deep into the mindfulness teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and Plum Village and it finally really yielding real progress - and everything I’ve learned tells me that I can continue to build on this. It’s SUCH a relief because i had almost given up hope of anything really making a difference.

One point I’d like to make is that it’s not just our own personal mindset  - there is a collective aspect to this, and we are all - to some degree - a product of the society and environment we have grown up in. A western capitalist society is inherently ‘unfriendly’ and inhospitable to a mindful, peaceful life. It’s also not an easy society for autistic people in general: it’s competitive, noisy, demanding - at times almost bullying to the more sensitive individual. So it’s worth bearing that in mind I think. We are not ‘broken’ - we are trying to cope in what is quite a toxic environment, and some of our anxiety stems from that. 

Hi Glitters, Thank you for sharing this with me. My anxiety is so overwhelming that I am struggling to see a day when I will be free of it. I have so much in my life for which I am so grateful really grateful, but cannot continue like this.

Thanks for sharing what's worked for you and I'm so glad it has worked for you BTW.

I've been doing some mindfulness videos what I've been watching on yt and that's worked a bit but hasn't made a life changing difference yet. 

I'm glad what you've tried worked for you I wonder if it would be the same for me. I do struggle with my concentration but I'm trying getting that more under control.

I hope you continue feeling less anxious. 

Hi,

I'm sorry your struggling with anxiety. Don't worry about not being able too word your thoughts give yourself time to process it all first.

Take it slow and give yourself time otherwise it's loads all at once. 

I suffer severe anxiety and I'm always on edge because of it. I started doing mindfulness and that's been helping. It's not a magic cure like but it's helping a bit.

I'm sorry I can't get rid for you but I can relate to how you feel and it sucks. At least we know we're not in it alone. 

Anxiety is challenging but you can beat it.

Hang in there.

Kate Kestrel said:

I’ve struggled with severe anxiety for decades and tried SO many things

Just adding my contribution here as I found a way to deal with this that works most of the time for me (may not be for everyones abilities though).

I looked at the issue and realised that it was my mind that was making me anxious so any response to it needed to deal with it at source (the point my mind started processing something that made me anxious).

I found that as soon as I felt the wheels of my mind spinning and the adrenilin rise from anxiety that I needed to challenge the part of my mind that was going "what it, what if, what if..." so I read up and found mindfulness was a good technique.

When this symptoms appear I make the time for a quick sidebar to use mindfulness and challenge my subconcious with rationalising the situation. Has it happened before, what happened and can I improve the outcome, is there a threat, how realistic is it and how can I sensibly respond etc.

Once I do a rapid situational analysis then I can shut down the part of my mind that is spinning by thinking "it has been analised and you don't need to do this anymore" and I can discipline the thinking processes to focus on something more productive.

It takes practice to over-ride the subconcious but the discipline to do this helps in so many other aspects of life where autism can intrude too.

I also use some meditation for downtime situations so I can slow the normally spinning wheels of the mind and get to a more relaxed state. This was a godsend when I used to be a manager of teams who were in dire straits and I was brough in to get them back on track, Stress from all sides, stressed staff and stressed upper management.

Being the oasis of calm amongst this helped bring everyone down to a level where the panic was leaving the situation and we could rationalise on our options and tackle to the tasks to get things back on track.

That doesn't mean I wasn't stressed but I could manage it from getting out of control and mask a better state to help others calm down.

It took me a few years to get good at it and I understand that not everyone has the capacity to do it.

Knowing I am not alone helps me so much so thank you!

Thank you for sharing this. May I ask, what medication you take? Unfortunately, I do not know whether I should have asked that question or not and if I shouldn't have, I am sorry.