Published on 12, July, 2020
I hope some1 can give advice any is welcome. We've lived where we r for over 10 Yr we are isolated in a village with no transport and they cut all services etc etc I am estranged from the people who brought me up as they were abusive and my sons side of family ignored us when they got my sons diagnosis of autism and they have dementia now so no help there either.. where we moved to covid hit not long after when we.move here just as my son got comfortable enuf to venture out covid happened and we couldn't even see neighbours as they had it..anyway that set us back and we're now in a situation where we don't have Any family or friends and my neighbours just moved and left to go to Spain to live. My son has basically not left house in over 10 Yr apart from once to get his covid jab and some moments when I got him out for a walk..but he finds it hard to go out and.its.not because he's lazy. I am desperate to find somewhere anywhere in the uk that has events and support for people with autism as he has said to me he'd like to try to mix with other autistic people but I don't know where these places are. It got so bad that at times I can't even talk to help him he meltdown and threw stuff breaking things and was trying to smash a bottle...I know he is just frustrated and it's frustrating I can't help him. I was hoping that there are certain towns or cities that may have the edge in actual social events he could go to and a lot of things have been cut due to economy etc...and my son really needs it and i don't want to sound dramatic but it feels litterlaly like life and death here..I need to do something for him.
There was a similar post to this a few weeks ago. I will link to it. It was created by a mother about her ASD son who had not been out for a significant period of time. You might want to read the post.
https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/37635/i-have-a-ds-with-asd-who-lives-with-me-and-has-no-job-or-income-i-worry-about-how-he-will-cope-in-the-future-when-i-am-no-longer-around
Dear NAS83342
I'm sorry to hear that you and your son are having a tough time. I was concerned to hear that "It got so bad that at times I can't even talk to help him he meltdown and threw stuff breaking things and was trying to smash a bottle".
The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you or anyone else is at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help
You may find the following useful:
I hope this is helpful to you.
Kind regards
Sharon Mod
Yes thanks that's spot.on as that's hiw is usually motivated ..don't think the nhs offer any support like that but I'll try.
As he is an adult then he is suitable for therapy and I think this is his best starting point.
I would consider what his personal interests are as these can be good hooks in persuading him to go out and enjoy them - ancient ruins, castles, railways, horses etc - find a place with plenty of these and you have some good tools at your disposal.
Leading by example in going out and talking positively about it is also a good thing to add. Tell him you think he would have enjoyed it if you were with him and leave it at that - let him come up with the thought that it may be worth a try.
Listen to what he says when he is negative about going out. Is he afraid of infection, human interaction, the risks of traffic, alien abduction etc - finding out the core of the fears is a good thing to planning a way to deconstruct them and help him overcome them.
Bristol is nice - lots of history and quite a nice climate.
Good luck.
Thank you so much for responding it means a lot. He is 24 and you got it absolutely right and I forgot that with autism can come the need to want to cut oneself off and make for oneself a prison of your own doing as you feel safe there..and that's absolutely 100 % accurate so glad you said that as its hard to see what's going on sometimes when your in the situation. I was thinking Bristol as thats where the national autistic headquarters base is so surely that and fact it's a city there must be more resources and events social groups ..I don't know...we are fortunate in that we are in social housing already and we can swap it for another one anywhere in the uk..I'll literally go anywhere if it means I can help him.Thankyou so much for responding.
NAS83342 said:My son has basically not left house in over 10 Yr
The isolation is probably something he sees as giving a safe space from all the bad things out there and it may be this combined with his autism that needs to be overcome to get him comfortable in going out.
My suggestion would be to get a child psychologist with autism experience to meet with him (probably needs to be at home) and get him to rationalise it as much as he can and develop a plan to ease him into the outside world.
You don't mention his age - is he old enough for school yet? Finding a suitable school may be a good way to get him to engage with others but if he has been home schooled then the formative years in school will leave him at a distinct social disadvantage and make it hard for him to get on with others in general (i.e. he will be seen as more odd / weird than most kids because he has not had the same shared experiences of school).
Knowing his age will help suggest appropriate options for him.
Moving to other cities can be really expensive at the moment as rents are exceptionally high. You will find it helpful to look in the areas you are interested in and check before spending much more time looking as most have had rents go up over 100% since pre-covid times.
I would suggest considering seaside towns as the beach gives a great place for him to go play that is fairly quiet most of the year.
What parts of the country are you considering?