Published on 12, July, 2020
Me and my wife have been considering getting a dog to help the wellbeing of the family. In a family of 5, my eldest daughter is diagnosed as autistic and I'm self diagnosed. I can clearly see from the way my daughter loves dogs and plays with other people's dogs that she would absolutely love this, and I think this will be a calming influence for her - I'm aware of the links between autism and dogs and how they can help.
My issue is that I've never lived with a dog before, never grew up with them, and never been a "pet person". I relented to get 2 cats once because my wife begged for a pet. All I felt for years though was that I hated them, they drove me crazy, felt constantly stressed when they were around and felt like my personal space was invaded. It had the opposite affect on me.
A dog might be easier (depending on the breed), but I've still got a lot of reservations. Has anyone ever got a dog and found that they actually really liked them when they originally thought otherwise?
pdaddio83 said:Dogs might be the same, jumping around and getting excited
You will get lots of this in the puppy stage (up to about 1 year old) and even after if the dog is not trained to stop doing this.
Dogs will also pick up on your energy so if you are nervour around them then many will pick up and become nervous and unpredictable themselves - all part of that pack mentality.
I would suggest a breed like the golden retreiver which is much more docile once out of adolescence, but expect up to a year of hooligan behaviour while they grow up.
pdaddio83 said:My wife grew up with dogs and she's a dog walker, so she understands exactly what is needed.
You can learn all this stuff too, mostly from books and videos on dog psychology so if you are going to actually get one then take the time to learn about their behaviours and how to train them out of the undesirable ones - it is fairly straightforward once you know what to look for and I'm sure your wife can help you with any bits you are unsure of.
You could also speak to the companies who supply guide dogs as there is a reasonably high failure rate and you could end up getting a trained, socialised dog that is not quite good enough to make the grade but would still make an awesome family pet. That would be my first port of call, especially as when you pay for the dog you contribute to an awesome charity.
If you found cats hard work then a dog will be far worse, they need a lot more time and attention.
I think the reason why I didn't like cats is because of their retractable claws - I never knew when they would come out, so if they sat on me I'd constantly be alert. It didn't help that the two cats we did have were very strange, making weird howling noises. Dogs might be the same, jumping around and getting excited, but I do know a couple of dogs which are more relaxed and gentle and they don't bother me so much.
One key worry for me is that they will require a lot of looking after. My wife grew up with dogs and she's a dog walker, so she understands exactly what is needed. I just think that my children will want to do all the "fun" things while me and my wife end up with all the responsibility - I already end up with a lot of responsibilities for the family, so I wouldn't want a dog to feel neglected. It would be nice if my daughter could understand that so she could maybe try and be more involved with the family.
I always found cats a lower overhead than dogs as cats largely look after themselves and just need feeding and letting out (or get a catflap). Dogs are always hanging around you (they are pack animals after all) and will be hovering for anything when you eat, will want to play a lot (especially pups) and need a lot of training to be suitably housetrained an safe with the kids.
Getting a puppy will be great to start but this is likely yo bring around a year of chaos so be prepared for that.
Maybe an older rescue dog which has already been socialised to a family would be a better option (and kinder) and cause less disruption, but you will need to be careful in the settling in period not to overwhem it.
Costs for running a pet are also high (vets bills are really expensive and a regular thing if your dog is a clumsy one) plus insurance in case the dog bites someone etc - not to mention feeding, bedding, toys. leashes, damage, cleaning etc.
From what you have writted I would say steer clear if a cat caused stress - dogs are much more of an overhead in many way.
I did love my dogs when I had them (3 labs, a collie and a spaniel over the years) but I don't think I could go back to having them again.
In general, I'd say that anyone who's even having any second thoughts should not get a dog. Dogs can be amazing, but they can also be difficult sometimes (especially when they're young or a rescue coming to a new home) and if you find out you don't love them, that's a huge commitment to either suffer through them for 10-15 years or dump them at a shelter like an unwanted toy.
If you're not all in, it's not a smart gamble for either you or for the poor dog.