Is this a meltdown??

Hi

Thank you for your story. I might just try that  with the Coca Cola. I’m sure one day my partner will accept that sometimes I just can’t manage it. We were supposed to go ta NYE party and my wife ended up with a cough and cold, I was so relieved it felt like I had won the lottery tbh. 

Thank you for your suggestions 

Take care

I used to go to gatherings when invited because I thought it was rude not to.

One day I just didn't go.  It was a family members big birthday.  And then I realised it really didn't matter that I wasn't there, and actually, the obvious distress these events always caused me was a strain on everyone else as well as myself.  I haven't put myself through it since.

I'm not sure this is the answer in your situation, perhaps simply giving yourself the option.  To say...it is ok if, at the time, i do not feel able to make this event.  Or, if I go for a short period of time.  I may not even take my coat off!  Sometimes we can fare better than we think, other times worse, I have found.  Not having any pressure leading up to it, being ok with whatever you decide to do...be kind to yourself.  

Otherwise you will get stressed, raise your cortisol levels, increase inflammation, get ill....how does that benefit your family?

There was one time that I had not had any caffeine for a couple of months, and then went to an event and drank full fat coca cola.  It was brilliant!  So, maybe that could be an option?

Go easy on yourself, don't spend months stressing.  x

Sounds a very familiar situation...

I tend to find some events I'll overthink for weeks and even months in advance, usually ones I know (or assume) will be tough. When I say tough I mean I'll feel I need to script beforehand, mask a lot, be careful what I say and afterwards obsess about what I did or didn't say, "in case I was out of order" etc. This can also just be a day at work too, not a social.

Other times I look forward to an event knowing I'll enjoy it, usually if it's very close friends of which I don't have many, but do feel I can be myself around.

Each time I do something that involves over thinking or masking a lot I feel my "autistic battery" gets used, so it needs recharging, usually by being alone/quiet. The lower it gets the more anxious I get and the whole thing spirals.worse case is a full on burnout, which can throw me into a state for months.

The trick is making sure that battery stays charged enough, can be tricky at times when there's a lot going on.

I assume all this can be exaggerated because as autists, we tend not to "think inside or outside a box" , we don't tend to have a box at all. we also don't have the filters on anything coming in (senses can get overloaded),  filters on anything going out (we can tend to be brutally honest If were not careful to watch ourselves) so life can be intense and exhausting. (I'm generalising a bit here, it might just be me! Lol)

Anyway, that's my waffle over, take care :)

I was wrecked, today, after a long day yesterday. Didn't do too much, apart from a few visits to shops.

I hide by nature. Being social is impossible, for me.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I do drink but very little as the more I drink the worse it tastes. I’m pressured by most to join in more and made to feel an outcast for not drinking lots. I don’t understand why people judge you when you don’t want to make a t**t of yourself. 
I think they are the boring ones because they are unable to enjoy the evening without losing control…. There’s more to life than that I think. 
It does disturb me building things up in my mind long before I get there, it’s almost like a defence mechanism to stop yourself feeling uncomfortable. I often think to myself that I hope something happens so that I can get out of it (nothing serious or hurtful) 

It sounds like you are able to do things your way and manage yourself in that area, I’m hoping one day to be able to do that whilst being understood by my partner. 
We have friends over tomorrow for a take away which doesn’t affect me and I feel very comfortable with them so I’m quite enthusiastic about that. 

Thanks again for your post, it’s nice to talk to people that understand. 

Take care

I do that too Take5, I was diagnosed with social phobia, after physically not being able to get up off the floor to go to an event that I'd been looking forward too and even had a dress and shoes for. The thought of having to socialise fills me with dread, I can just about manage a 20 minute walk with people I've known for a few years, but I still come home and obessively go over everything I said that could possibly be miscontrued, at least this has come down to about 30 mins now from the couple of hours that it was before. Socialising at home dosen't bother me either, nor does it bother me if I work in a customer facing role, a counter gives me some kind of professional distance and most exchanges are simple.

For me part of looking forward with dread to social events, is the forward planing of scripts of things to say and not say, of course everything goes well in my head, until it dosen't and I imagine every disaster possible every faux pas that I could possibly make that seems far more liely than the evening just passing quite normally. I don't drink alcohol which makes socialising more difficult as there's even now, a pressure to consume alcohol, saying I'm the designated driver dosen't always cut it, mind you I've found being very blunt about why I no longer drink alcohol usually shuts people up, I tell them truthfully that it's because of the menopause and monsterous hot flushes. But that sort of thing dosen't help, thinking about it brings a sensation of dread to the pit of my stomach, it's all so boringly predictable, someone decides to have a go at me over something like not drinking alcohol, I'm blunt, people get embaressed and cross because we're supposed to be having "fun" and I've "spoiled" it. What part of this process is fun for me? Why can't I stay at home with a good book and a good cat?

Hi

Sorry I meant to say 12am. Yes I have had a few tantrums tbh.

I can socialise quite easily when I’m at home (my safe place and it doesn’t seem to bother me too much. I suppose it’s dependant on who it’s with though. I’m fine at work as I work for myself and only have limited interactions with customers, I work alone which suits me.

Thank you for your response 

It sounds like exhaustion, which is valid and important and in a little more extreme situations often considered a 'shutdown'. I'm assuming you mean midnight - 00:00 (in the US it might be referred to as 12am) not there until noon (12:00 'pm') the following day.

A meltdown involves an outward reaction from being overwhelmed/over-stimulated and also emotionally out of control or misperceived as a 'tantrum'. 

There's a fine line between planning into the future and ruminating on a situation which has yet to happen but is creating anxiety or stress. A thing unknown can be difficult. I'm curious if there are other unknown things which you can go into with ease? A life goal could be learned skills so in situations which involve obstacles we feel better prepared to navigate. 

Thanks for sharing that. 

I think I felt similar after holidays in my husband’s family. I made it mostly for him, they are ok and kind to me, but his family is big and they have a lot of neighbors and relatives and they are very social. I endured somehow three weeks but it was extremely challenging for me, afterwards I felt like I didn’t know where is my place and who I am, was anxious, getting panic attacks and crying without reason. 1 month passed and only now I start feeling balanced. It’s hard, for me in the beginning even trying to focus back on my hobby didn’t work, only now it works. I’m trying to not think about the fact that after 2 years I’m gonna have to spend there another 2-3 weeks.