Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve recently had my autism assessment and get my results Friday, I’ve been off work signed off by the doctor for various reasons since beginning of February. I’m currently also caring for my daughter full time who has mental trouble and is also autistic.
work seemed to be understanding but now they keep suggesting returning to work but I think they think I just sit around all day I don’t know what to do. I think if I am diagnosed it will answer many questions I have had over the years but I also don’t feel as though I could return to work!! I’m exhausted at the thought of it!!!
my wife for is the one working at the moment and I wish I could just leave my job as I feel as though I have a rope holding me down.
im really confused all I want to do is care for my daughter and make sure she is ok
if I get a diagnosis I’m hoping work will understand my situation that I have to leave I just can’t do it anymore
Tigernew40 said:I think if I am diagnosed it will answer many questions I have had over the years but I also don’t feel as though I could return to work!! I’m exhausted at the thought of it!!!
Having a diagnosis will only explain about what is causing you to think the way you do, it won't actually change much for you once you know.
It will be down to you to do something - even with a positive diagnosis you will have to be the one arranging how to deal with it as there is no NHS support service to adults who can function in society (which you have been doing).
My advice would be to make sure you have read up about what autistic traits are and note which you exhibit. From these, focus on the ones that most impact your life and discuss these with the person giving your diagnosis.
I wouldn't expect much as this is more of a job for a therapist, so I would find one and book some sessions to get things started as soon as you have your diagnosis.
Also consider the situation if you don't meet the threshold of being diagnosed as autistic. It does not mean you aren't neurodivergent but just not neurodivergent enough to meet the threshold to be disabled by it.
Tigernew40 said:work seemed to be understanding but now they keep suggesting returning to work but I think they think I just sit around all day I don’t know what to do.
This will quickly become a big issue if you don't get ahead of it with therapy - your employer has a limited responsibility to you so you should not expect to stall them indefinitely.
As soon as you have a positive diagnosis ask for a copy by email and forward this to your works HR team and advise them you will be in touch shortly to plan a return to work but that you may need some "reasonable adjustments" to be able to do this.
You need to think what could make it more tolerable to be able to work and consider if it is a reasonable thing to ask for (e.g. if you work on the phone all day then telling your employer you can't use the phone is not going to be reasonable).
I found the most effective way it to treat it like a project and map it all out on paper to make it clearer to you, then break the tasks down to bite sized chunks and just get stuck into it. It steals the power of a daunting task and makes it a sequence of much more manageable ones.
Remember that you have us here to lean on whan you need to vent or ask for advice - quite a lot of us have been through the same wringer at some point.
There is a way through it.
Thank you for your reply just reading this made me feel better!!!! The issue I also have is my daughter has not taken the news of a diagnosis for herself well and has tried to cs and been found in vulnerable places a few times since January. I feel if I’m here I can protect her which is working, going back to work will make things worse and I don’t know what will happen to her as she leaves school soon and would be alone a lot!
Tigernew40 said:I don’t know what will happen to her as she leaves school soon and would be alone a lot!
How able is she to understand logic and have a discusion on things like self defence, safe sex and informed consent?
If she if able to understand it then an extended conversation about the practicalities of being safe would help her immensly.
One thing a lot of us autists struggle with is the unspoken things in society - we often need stuff to be laid out explicitly to understand properly, so a (uncomfortable) nuts and bolts conversation about the sort of people she may mix with, what they want from her and the sort of situations she may find herself in will be very useful for her.
I wish I had someone to have that discussion with me whan I was in my teens as I made plenty of mistakes through not understanding what the rules were.
You won't be able to protect her as she moves along in life, but you can perpare her to protect herself. If you don't have that closeness to have this conversation then see if there is a female relative close to her who could (an aunt or cousin perhaps) and explain to them clearly what you want them to explain to her.
Be there for her - keep reminding her that she can ask anything and you will be truthful with the response however disturbing or icky the subject matter may be.
Keep yourself in a good place by looking after your mental health too - if you fall then she won't be able to look after you as well.
Getting her a support system (maybe introduce her to the community here) and maybe get her a therapist are the best ongoing strategies I can think of.
The fact you are seeking this out in a time when you are suffering yourself highlights how good a dad you really are. Kudos for that.