Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm a 32 year old with ASD and I'm writing a discussion in this forum because I feel I need help and advice.
For the past while I've been feeling lonely and lately this has caused me anxiety. Like many I've always found it difficult to make and maintain friendships and I've also been having feelings of despair ie that there aren't many people to make friends with. When I hear of other people ASD or non ASD having romantic relationships or getting married I keep thinking that those people are luckier than me and that they will be able to be supported. For me this doesn't seem likely and sometimes it makes me feel worse off than others or even rejected as I fear that people who are in such relationships will not have time for me. I feel I need someone in my life who could be a mentor to me and give me encouragement to help me do the things I want to do. I'd like to be able to view my autism as a superpower as opposed to viewing it as an obstacle in my life. I feel that reaching out and trying to do something about this is the right thing to do.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Hi Dan
I have a daughter who is autistic, and I am starting to think I could be too, but don't want to officially label it as that yet. Regardless, I've felt all my life that I was different and didn't belong anywhere socially and couldn't figure out what was different about me.
However, many years ago I did meet someone who eventually became my wife, and we have been married for 14 years and have 3 children together. I happened to meet her through online dating because I didn't have a clue how else I could have met anyone in real life, and I finally realised I found someone who "clicked" with me, that I could be my real self around. To get to that point though, I did really have to push myself beyond my comfort zone - I did CBT therapy to improve how I viewed my outlook on life, practised a lot of things socially, convinced myself I was an interesting person to be around (which then makes others think that too). And it was hard, but not impossible and got easier over time, especially as things improved.
I don't know if any of this is a help to you. I just wanted to explain that although you feel this way now, it isn't impossible to get what you want, but it may mean working at it and you may find it challenging, but it could also be worth it too.
I'm 27, have autism and am deeply alone and isolated. I feel less alone since joining this community. I hope you will find the same on this site.
You’re almost certainly not alone feeling this way,
I’m another 50 year guy who gets lonely, painfully so at times.
Hi Dan,
I'm in my 50's and feel the same way. I've been single for more than 20 years.
When I discovered that I was Autistic a few months ago, I naively thought that's why I was single. But I went to an asd info session last month and discovered everyone in the group (all asd) was in a relationship. I came away feeling awful if I'm honest. I would love an understanding companion for this journey, but I'm scared that it'll never happen and scared if it does.
Sorry I can't help you. Sadly I can only relate, but I wish you well.
Hi Dan I'm in my 30s and feel similar to you. I think the problem is we're the minority in society but we're generally only have a genuine good relationship with people who are also on the spectrum. Like I can speak to neurotpicals but I don't feel the connection the same to someone who is neurodivergent and I think it's probably mutual on their end. Maybe we're just all hiding away from society or our routines leads us to be our at opposite times. Sorry I can't really give any advice as I came on here for similar support but just wanted you to know your not alone in this.