Some advice on how to deal with unemployment shame and guilt

Thank you very much and good luck to you too. You're obviously a very kind person and deserve to have people around you that can appreciate it. I also won't give up in finding people to be happy with myself (although I am absolutely terrible at masking). 

Thank you for your advice. 

My CV is limited on most things, as I dropped out of secondary school at age 16 and had to do my GCSEs in English and Maths in College, but I'll try and think more carefully about skills when I write my next CV for employment. 

I have no doubt that being in work will help stabilise my routine and improve my mental health, but I'm most afraid of burnout and panic attacks at the moment, which I suffer from regularly. I am working on it though, and I am determined to find work someday, even if only part-time and consider it one of my long-term goals to keep me motivated. 

The article you linked was interesting, although it's also rather scary how much everything seems to rely on the luck and randomness of  finding someone who is patient and willing to help me on my journey. Still, as far as I know there is help finding such employers through organisations and autism employability groups, as another member mentioned before. I am planning on taking advantage of such services in future, once I am able to leave the house and interact with people in a more "normal" fashion. 

Thank you once again for all the helpful advice and for sharing your own experiences with work improving your mental health, I appreciate you taking the time to read and share. 

That's fair comment. Loneliness is no fun and is very depressing so it's understandable to want friends and to be social. It's one of those things I've longed for since being at school, because I was always a lonely child who no one wanted to talk to and because I was so anxious and shy I could never talk to anybody. I didn't know how to be like them. Now I'm an adult it's easier because I can mask.

Though I do my videos from home I do go out to the autism groups, it's not far but I'm getting that social interaction which still makes me anxious but I like having it. It's one of those weird things where going out and being social feels me with dread but I still want it.

Thank you for sharing your personal experiences. It's very reassuring knowing that I'm not alone in many of these peculiar challenges that I face that seemingly nobody else around me seems to have haha. 

I've considered working from home, but unfortunately I can't deny that I need the social aspect that a workplace environment can provide. I'm hoping that it could be a way to go out and meet potential friends as well as earn  money, if everything goes well enough. 

It's great that you've managed to help others and make a living from it too. I wish you luck with your path too. 

If you have an idea of the type of work you would ideally like, then trying to do some learning before you start applying would help to give you an advantage. Employers like that sort of self-motivation, and it would hopefully provide you with more confidence about your chances when it comes to job applications. If the ‘experience’ section of your CV is limited, then you can compensate in the ‘skills’ section. There are loads of free or low-cost self-learning options on the web, so you can eliminate all social interaction from the process if that helps, although having an element of that may help with the transition into the world of work. Even if you find that your mental health limits the amount of time you can spend on it at the moment, it may be that having something to focus on and which provides a bit of structure to your day is beneficial. I have certainly found that to be the case in the past when I have been struggling. GCHQ may not be your goal, but this article shows that there are some employers out there who appreciate diversity, and it provides an example of framing the positives - https://www.gchq.gov.uk/information/daring-to-think-differently-and-be-different

I can understand your feelings of low self esteem with this. Not working can be really depressing and when you read the statistics and see so many other autistics in a similar situation it doesn't make it any easier, though it's a small comfort knowing I'm not the only one. 

I'm still unemployed, not for a want of trying mind, but eventually it was getting me so depressed I stopped looking and started to try and find alternatives. I looked more in to my hobbies and interests and decided to try and make one of those work for me. I've read and heard from a lot of autistic people that working from home is more ideal than having to go out to work, if you can make it work.

I do Youtube videos, video blogs about my life with autism and the MH journey I went through and this has worked out really well for me I'm pleased to say. It was a slow start but I reached a lot of people and had some lovely messages and feedback.

I've also started doing autistic groups and meetings. This is something I'm so passionate about and so far it's been very rewarding, I'm able to help others, offer support and allow a time and place for people to meet and talk, if they want to. Next year I want to get my own place to do this where it will be a lot more autism friendly.

I wish you luck and hope that you can find something you want to do that will make you happy. You've already made a good start with your self esteem and confidence. The ball is rolling now so hopefully good things are ahead :o) 

Thank you! I'm happy that you liked my avatar haha 

Yw. I understand. Forgive my exuberance and assumptions. I kind of broke my own rule there shifting from I to others. Another way to say it ... I often have to fake it till I make it. The method I share is more a framework I myself struggle within but gives me a way forward when I have the energy to affirm.   

I'm just as appreciative for your share and gratitude. („• ֊ •„)੭

PS - Love your Avatar. 

Thank you for such kind words. I'm not sure I'd say I'm resilient or optimistic, but I do definitely want to improve my situation and live a happy life someday. With luck I'll be able to hold out until I can get into therapy again and, from there, hopefully I'll be on the road to a good future. 

I greatly appreciate all the kind and good people on this forum supporting me too. It's very touching to be reminded that there are people out there who understand and can relate to me and for me to relate to them in kind. 

I know this is a week late, but for what it's worth... It seems clear that you are doing all you can. Knowing that the core issue of blaming and shaming stems from societal ideals and their influence over the collective may not stop people from judging, but it does help me not to internalize their projections. Or, at the very least, it helps to shake off some of the residual bullying that takes place without people even having to say a word.

By focusing on the efforts you're making to navigate through such a challenging environment, you can find gratification in providing yourself with the acknowledgment that others are not so willing to give. In this way, irrespective of your current situation, those who truly matter will be drawn to your obvious resilience and optimism, regardless of what the future holds. The former often brightens the latter without having to worry about what others think.

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you yourself are struggling too. 

I am happy not really having a "career", as I don't really have any kind of lofty goals or ambitions outside of living with a partner and having loved ones around me. But yeah, just the fact that I have no work on its own is enough to be a source of major stigma and low self esteem. 

Honestly, I think Autistic people or people with Asperger's syndrome usually do not manage to progress well in their careers. I have heard of many, many cases of Autistic people not being promoted while inferior workmates are. I know of Autistic people who worked 30, 40 years and are still at the bottom end of the career ladder while they watch everyone else ascend. The only shame in my opinion is on society in its discrimination towards us. Also, some people genuinely cannot work, for various reasons: they might not be able to handle dealing with taxes, commuting, the social aspect of work, sensory overload, physical or mental strain. The system is quite rigid and should be more flexible. I myself am not able to work a normal job at the moment. I've offered to do free work to employers and they aren't interested. I offered restaurants to do free waitering, for example, none would take me. I understand your pain at feeling the stigma and shame of being unemployed. That's why I offered to do things for free. I don't know, the whole world is mad if you ask me.

More or less. I speak it rather incorrectly, but I can speak fluently enough to communicate with Spanish people. 

A question......can you speak Spanish?