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Some advice on how to deal with unemployment shame and guilt

A Potato

Hi everybody, I hope you are well today. 

On my latest post a few days ago, I received some great advice from fellow potato , encouraging me to build self-confidence and am trying to take said advice to heart. However, something that is a massive cause for low self-esteem and poor confidence within myself is and always has been my lack of employment. I'd like to hear other's opinions and advice on the matter. 

But first a little context:

I spent most of my teen years in Spain, where the concept of "work experience" doesn't exist and, on top of that, I have been told by psychologists that I was stunted in my social development during this time too. When I moved back from Spain to the UK again, it was like moving to a different planet. When I enrolled in college at age 16/17, new concepts such as employability and work experience were being thrown left and right and I didn't understand much of it. I attempted to do work experience myself during my time at college, but found myself being unable to do so outside of the college itself (managing to fail some work experience opportunities), which was against the point.

Since college, I have attempted to find work a few times, all ending in complete disaster as my mental health took a massive dip every time due to varying reasons. The first time I tried was under the advice of the local Job Box agency, quickly writing up a CV and going around local shops and handing out printouts of it while asking for work. This ended poorly as the reception I received after each attempt (which took me a lot of effort to approach people) was very discouraging; with one person even asking to see the "person that looks after me", which made me feel extremely awful. The second attempt was through the website "Total Jobs" and I immediately almost got scammed into joining a pyramid scheme that was being advertised on the website, asking me to give them £200 so they could "train me" to recruit more people into their scheme (luckily my mother has far more sense than I and put a stop to this from happening). The third and latest attempt, I was encouraged to join a site called "Indeed" by my Universal Credit social worker at the time, but I'd find myself getting extremely bad depression and anxiety for every time I didn't get a reply (which was every time) and I felt really ashamed for my meagre CV.

Right now, I am on Universal Credit with Limited Capability for Work, which provides me with enough money to invest in my limited hobbies, support my family and spend on leisure, so I'm not concerned from a financial standpoint right now. However I do feel very ashamed of being utterly useless and consider myself a burden on society. What's worse, I also feel very undermined in practically every social interaction due to feeling like my lack of a job or career makes me less valid as a person compared to others. I'd like to get work eventually, but I have no idea when I'll be ready to, as I just freeze in any social environment that I don't feel comfortable in now. I'd like to find a partner and make friends someday, but I don't even know if that's even possible as someone who's unemployed or if people look at me like I'm dirt or something. 

Again, any advice, thoughts and opinions on the matter are greatly welcomed. I'd like to take the opportunity this site has presented me to better myself and improve my life, even though I'm kinda clueless on where to start haha. 

I thank whoever has read this far and wish you a great day or night!

Parents

  • If you have an idea of the type of work you would ideally like, then trying to do some learning before you start applying would help to give you an advantage. Employers like that sort of self-motivation, and it would hopefully provide you with more confidence about your chances when it comes to job applications. If the ‘experience’ section of your CV is limited, then you can compensate in the ‘skills’ section. There are loads of free or low-cost self-learning options on the web, so you can eliminate all social interaction from the process if that helps, although having an element of that may help with the transition into the world of work. Even if you find that your mental health limits the amount of time you can spend on it at the moment, it may be that having something to focus on and which provides a bit of structure to your day is beneficial. I have certainly found that to be the case in the past when I have been struggling. GCHQ may not be your goal, but this article shows that there are some employers out there who appreciate diversity, and it provides an example of framing the positives - https://www.gchq.gov.uk/information/daring-to-think-differently-and-be-different

Reply

  • If you have an idea of the type of work you would ideally like, then trying to do some learning before you start applying would help to give you an advantage. Employers like that sort of self-motivation, and it would hopefully provide you with more confidence about your chances when it comes to job applications. If the ‘experience’ section of your CV is limited, then you can compensate in the ‘skills’ section. There are loads of free or low-cost self-learning options on the web, so you can eliminate all social interaction from the process if that helps, although having an element of that may help with the transition into the world of work. Even if you find that your mental health limits the amount of time you can spend on it at the moment, it may be that having something to focus on and which provides a bit of structure to your day is beneficial. I have certainly found that to be the case in the past when I have been struggling. GCHQ may not be your goal, but this article shows that there are some employers out there who appreciate diversity, and it provides an example of framing the positives - https://www.gchq.gov.uk/information/daring-to-think-differently-and-be-different

Children
  • in reply to InfinitePlanner

    Thank you for your advice. 

    My CV is limited on most things, as I dropped out of secondary school at age 16 and had to do my GCSEs in English and Maths in College, but I'll try and think more carefully about skills when I write my next CV for employment. 

    I have no doubt that being in work will help stabilise my routine and improve my mental health, but I'm most afraid of burnout and panic attacks at the moment, which I suffer from regularly. I am working on it though, and I am determined to find work someday, even if only part-time and consider it one of my long-term goals to keep me motivated. 

    The article you linked was interesting, although it's also rather scary how much everything seems to rely on the luck and randomness of  finding someone who is patient and willing to help me on my journey. Still, as far as I know there is help finding such employers through organisations and autism employability groups, as another member mentioned before. I am planning on taking advantage of such services in future, once I am able to leave the house and interact with people in a more "normal" fashion. 

    Thank you once again for all the helpful advice and for sharing your own experiences with work improving your mental health, I appreciate you taking the time to read and share.