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Fixation/obsession

Bex

Hi everyone,

I’m not sure where to post this, but thought this seemed like the right place.

I’m keen to explore link between neurodiversity/ASC and developing in fixation or obsessive thoughts about other people. This has been something I have done from an early age and it’s continued throughout into adulthood. This has impacted on my mental health and to the point of being unable to attend school and later go to work. This has impacted immensely on my mental health and ability to have relationships.

I understand there is a link between fixation and attachment, but I’m intrigued to understand that if a person could become a ‘special interest’? Where there is a compulsion to need to know everything about someone?

  • Hi.

    Having a dedicated interest in a certain person is common for us as autistics, especially PDA’ers. (Persistent Drive for Autonomy, also known as ‘Pathological’ Demand Avoidance).

    I think it makes sense for autistics, especially PDA’ers as if you know everything about a person it helps to create more predictability of their actions/potential demands on you and therefore reduce the likelihood of a threat response.

    If you want to learn more about the PDA’er autistic experience and interests in certain people please visit Kristy Forbes YouTube channel or website:

    https://youtube.com/@KristyForbes?si=ilMmUv9bNgNuhk84

    https://www.kristyforbes.com.au/

    More often than not, us autistics do not find ‘safe’ people who genuinely understand us and encourage us to be authentically autistic. So when we find a ‘safe’ person I think it makes sense for us to want to know everything about them. We just want genuine connection.

    Also, in terms of having dedicated interests focused on certain people this makes sense as humans are very complex and fascinating beings. After all, one of our natural instincts is deep dive on topics we love (monotropism) so why wouldn’t we do that with other humans.

    If you want to learn about the reason for our deep interests and many other aspects of autistic cognition you can read more about this on the website below:

    https://monotropism.org/

     I hope these explanations help!

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Yep, I can understand about the curiosity. I guess I’m concerned that this behaviour would be classed as ’stalking’ but I genuinely don’t mean anyone harm. But then it’s also how it could be perceived by the other person. I grateful for the responses as I understand not many people would feel comfortable talking about this and there perhaps is a ‘stereotype don’t want to be with. 

  • in reply to Lightning

    It does make sense, thank you. I’m probably similar in that seem to like collect ‘facts’ about people. 

  • in reply to __Pathfinder__

    This is really interesting. Strange thing is that it never occurred to me to do this. Then I think someone at work had done this to me. I agree, it’s not healthy if it’s taking over your life. 

  • in reply to __Pathfinder__

    If anyone tried to do a 'deep dive' for information on me, I think they would be left feeling disappointed, unless they were a hacker.

    I have a Facebook account that I seldom use, and is set to 'Friends only'. In addition, my "friends" are all people I have known for years (family and real-life friends and acquaintances). My profile photo is not a photo of me either, but of an image I designed myself. I've never understood people on Facebook whose settings allow anyone to be privy to their photos and posts.

  • Yep, people can be a 'special interest'  for Autists. I believe I may be one of them, particularly when I feel attracted to someone. My memory isn't always the best, but if I am told things in conversation, it is almost as though they are then etched into my memory. For example, if someone tells me where they live and it is somewhere I am not familiar with, I will feel compelled to research the area so that I can get a sense of what that place is like. If I am told about a landmark within their town, my research enables me to gain a better understanding. It isn't that I plan to 'stalk' them, but just because I'm interested and have a natural curiosity.

    I think my natural curiosity and need to know can unnerve people, including fellow Autists. There is one occasion that sticks in my mind, which is when I casually mentioned to someone, "I notice there are diversions due to roadworks in your area." I had only remembered because the person was important to me, and I knew those roadworks and diversions were likely to be affecting them.

  • This is interesting and I think it's understandable why you're curious about this. I have a tendency to like to find out about people I interact with online and in the real world. Not as a stalker though but because I love information and find people fascinating. Ironic really as I myself am not really a people person, I'm too anxious, I just like Knowing about them.

    Not sure that really makes sense Thinking

  • It happens.  I have done it in the past for potential friends.  One of the guys I went to the gym with a couple of years back said I took things a bit far with it after a girl who would often talk to me started to get a bit overly friendly and I did a search on her, like FB, Insta, etc.  I was actually more interested in whether she had pets, because I'm allergic to pets, than anything else.  In reality I could have simply asked her, but I am introverted and shy, but have skill in IT.

    In the IT world we call it OSINT.  It is an encouraged practice in the hatted world of computer security.  But it can be taken too far.  i've known people who vetted potential girl and boyfriends using the same techniques, even friends.  It can be as simple as throwing a picture into google reverse image search, or doing a quick search on FB for the persons name.

    If you do it to vet a person who you want to be friends with or a potential partner and you aren't going full blown deep dive, then I don't see an issue.  if you are going to be stalking someone or taking it too far, then don't do it.

    If it's impacting on your mental health, then it's gone too far already.  Find help and stop doing it.