Bereavement

I'm sorry for your loss. Don't be so hard on yourself. Death affects everybody differently and there's no right way to feel.

When my dad died I was the exact same. I didn't cry and I haven't cried over losing him. At the time I felt like the worst person in the world, I didn't know I was autistic at the time either. I just felt numb.

I hope this helps. Please take care of yourself.

My condolences on your recent bereavement.

Grief can be a funny old thing, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

When one of my grandmothers died, I felt indifferent, even though I had loved her dearly. I didn't shed a single tear and still haven't. However, when the other grandmother died, it hit me hard and I felt like all I seemed to do was cry, although I managed to remain composed at her funeral.

It hit me especially hard when my dad died in 2019. I cried so many tears and still do sometimes. At his funeral though, I laughed, but that was mainly because it was that kind of funeral. We (and he) had wanted it to be a happy occasion, so laughing had been actively encouraged.

That's really good to hear.  Thank you for letting us know.

Thank you all very much for your replies and your openness, it's really helped and made me feel better about how I'm feeling and not feeling.

Sorry for your loss. There's no right or wrong way to feel. Give yourself time to work through this and don't feel bad for how you feel and react to it.

You are a wise and insightful and kind goose, dear Goosey.  I am very sorry to hear your news above.  BIG, BIG hug being transmitted to you now.

I recently lost my dog Lily and I haven't cried once. I don't process death, feels like my brain is sort of shielded and doesn't get affected.

The same thing happened with my Grampy when he died.

Talking Paradox said:

I'm a little worried I might be a cyborg.

You're not a cyborg, you're autistic and this is very normal for people with autism.

I have noted, from my life experience, that at about the "mid forties" age, men (in particular) seem to reconnect their tear ducts and their emotions, even if they were NEVER a crier before, they can become very emotional entities around that age and thereafter.  I mention this, only because it is interesting to me.

In answer to your question, I find myself to be either cyborg or blubbering mess.  The former tends to accompany human bereavement, the later tends to accompany animal bereavement.

From the age of circa 15 to 45, I think I cried, maybe, a handful of times.  Since 45 yrs old, I seem now to regularly flush out the eye hydration system...often for odd reasons.

Hi there *waves* 

I have had an experience of this. When I was about 9 my grandfather passed away and for quite some time I didn't really feel anything. I think the concept of *never* seeing someone again and someone just being *gone* was too huge for me to comprehend. 

But as the months wore on and the idea settled in more, I began to feel it more deeply and start to grieve, even start to cry. I remember at the time though feeling very 'othered' because my sister made me feel ashamed that I wasn't behaving 'like everyone else' eg. crying and being really sad. And that made me very self conscious and question why I was so weird.

I think there's no right and wrong way to do it, let the feelings sit with you for a bit, it might all sink in eventually - you just need to wait and see. 

Sorry for your loss x 

People died in my life, it was sad, but no biggie.

Even when the good ones died, which made me ask myself that "what the hell is wrong with me" question.

My cat dies, and it rips the guts out of me for ages... 

I had exactly the same experience when my dad died. Still haven’t grieved as such. I believe it is widely recognised that autistic people experience grief differently.

community.autism.org.uk/.../grief

I'm sorry for you loss ️ when I lost my gran I was in touch with Childline and they said there's no right or wrong way to feel during grief. Everyone responds differently. If it makes you feel any better I didn't cry either and I didn't feel anything like the rest of the family did.

Everyone responds to grief differently. Please don’t blame yourself.