Don't waste spoons on people that ask for your advice but don't want it.

It doesn't discourage me at all, I think I understand your post. My point was more to try and put the point of view of a depressed person. Negative and potentially slightly unfriendly seeming. At least that's how I am. I just hope it doesn't discourage you. Sometimes people react to advice badly, but they just need time to absorb it.

All the best, eyes

Hi Eyes, I hope my post won't discourage you from seeking advice, I will just have to manage my own capacity to respond to people better in future. Though it would help if perhaps as Juniper mentioned people could preface whether they are looking for practical advice or just a chance to vent and get some empathy. Maybe it should be a peice of guidance on how to join the forums when people sign up, because we almost all autistic here, we shouldn't be able to be honest about our needs and not expect people to read too much between the lines, because some of us really struggle with that. Sorry I ended up doing the digital equivalent of trailing of talking to myself then.

I am a very negative person, have been very depressed in the past and currently not the sunniest of personalities. 

I am new to the forum but I have seen Debbie and Bees responding kindly and helpfully to so many posts. I think even to mine though I haven't looked back.

My only comment is, when I am deeply depressed I can ask for advice and seem totally ungrateful when I respond. Even mean or cruel in response.

Maybe people are horrible, my experience is quite a lot of the time they just don't care. But unkind responses are in my case usually because of insecurity not because the advice was bad. 

You have all so far been great, thanks - been nice to connect

Bees, you are an empath. As an empath it's helpful to learn boundaries. No, you do not have enough spoons to help everyone and it hurts. Experience has taught me the hard way not to respond right away or not at all if it's not right for me. I hate people suffering too. In the scenario you were describing there was a lack of transparency and possible misunderstanding of what is happening. It helps to just take time out, focus on your world, yourself, your child. You are responsible for what you create, not what other people create. As autistic people we can overcompensate. You don't have to do that here. Sometimes people are in unhelpful patterns of feeling helpless and then seeking some kind of confirmation that enforces their viewpoint. You are not responsible for fixing that. You have a tender heart and a gift. Don't waste it on things that will never appreciate it or reciprocate. It's a tough lesson to learn, I know. Be as kind to yourself as you are with others, or even more. 

This happens on a forum I used to be on as well. Made me not want to try and help and give advice but then I felt bad for people who might have been genuinely hoping for advice. Awkward.

I still try to give advice when I can. I always think of Miss Marple who said this with is actually very true.

"Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's not a reason not to give it" - Miss Marple.

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

Here, I would suggest, if you're new to Autistic Communication, it's good to learn to state "I Don't Want Advice". Hardly anywhere else will you find our communication style is accepted and encouraged. No Mind Reading, please. 

That's the thing I'm not new to it, but I find others still expect me to be the mind reader sometimes. And I wish they would just say they are looking just for sympathy/empathy upfront if that's what they are here for.
But when they specifically say they want advice (they use that specific word) or phrase it strongly that that is what they want then I give it. And ofc I do because I'm not coldhearted and apathetic to their issues.
But it doesn't always become clear what they really expect from the interaction until a bit of time going back and forth has already been established, which not having out in the open soner rather than later feels cruel because my own spoons are already finite and they could have saved me and others wasting ours typing long winded replies trying to cover all bases offering up advice and links to other sources that may help (which we have to take extra time to go find btw).
Naturally I don't charge a fee to try help people, I do it off my own back and because I give a damn, but I pay the cost of it myself in at least some energy expendature regardless even if the advice is taken.
So I wish they would heed your advice. And be clear what they want from the start.

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

if you know the "markers" that are invisible clues to recognise when someone doesn't actually want advice, perhaps you can help others to understand what they are :) 

Well that's the issue, I can't always see them, either at all, individually, or right away, in fact too often I don't see them until they have added up into a much bigger clue. That's what autism is like for me socially, it's not that I cannot read people at all, I just can't read them right away, or necessarily %100, and certainly not from just a handful of initial interactions. In the same way it takes many interactions for me to get the feel of a new person's default vibe/personality.
Another problem is sometimes I think I see it but then dismiss it because the logic brain says "but they did explicitly ask  for advice" and then I might ignore that growing gut feeling even when I shouldn't be ignoring it. I can't say what that looks like for other people, but I hope if others can detect it at all then they do step back for the preservation of their own sanity before it gets to that bad point.

While I think this is good advice in most scenarios, there is the small matter of this being an Autistic forum. Pragmatic communication is actually WELCOME. Attempting to express what one means is welcome. Attempting to be articulate, to have others engage and not disengage when communication becomes faulty and difficult and failing.

This isn't a platform for those who communicate through ghosting. Many young Autists haven't been properly taught how to ask for a thing, how to engage in meaningful ways that connect. And many NT parents may not have ever been exposed to how we "Clean House" - or get messy in a difficult discussion, but steadfastly get through it to the other side. 

Here, I would suggest, if you're new to Autistic Communication, it's good to learn to state "I Don't Want Advice". Hardly anywhere else will you find our communication style is accepted and encouraged. No Mind Reading, please. 

To Add: if you know the "markers" that are invisible clues to recognise when someone doesn't actually want advice, perhaps you can help others to understand what they are :)