Do you ever cry?

I rarely cry over media, but I used to be in tears most of my childhood through my late 20s: constantly overwhelmed, frustrated and heartbroken. I learned new perspectives, and with an immense amount of reading on the human condition, philosophy, meditation - even prayer, have completely left a whole other several 'lives' I was just not functioning well in. Life on my terms (for the most part) has been revolutionising. I now rarely cry and I also do what I can with what I have to make healthier decisions. But could've easily been branded bipolar for what psychology terms "absent insight". 

Hi Oakling. Lovely to see you hear again :o) 

I've always struggled to understand my emotions and get a lot of confusion because of it as well. I've gone through a lot recently with my mum and I haven't cried once and that confuses me because everyone else has been crying non stop.

I feel sadness, it can really weigh down on me but tears never come. Sometimes it feels like I'm incapable of crying. It's rare for me as well.

I do, but not in expected ways. I don't necessarily cry at sad things in my life or the world, even if they move me. However, I can cry when thinking of religious thoughts or of inspiring stories (albeit that what moves or inspires me, religiously or otherwise, is often not what seems to move or inspire my co-religionists or anyone else).

When I got married five weeks ago, I cried uncontrollably with joy for ten minutes or so, the only time this has ever happened to me.

A lot of people report crying during films etc. but I’ve never really done that. Except during the lion king I guess, but that is quite a different experience with extra meaning for me. 

I can definitely see what you mean about the feeling of being overwhelmed though. Words become a lot harder then and a voice can falter etc. which can indicate upset and negative feelings.

It’s interesting to read about the idea of it getting trapped, because this is what I tend to experience. Almost like I won’t let myself show how I’m feeling. It’s an odd one, but I’ve been like it for as long as I can remember. I don’t really get tearful when I’m happy, but it has happened from time to time I guess. For me, it most often comes out when I’m listening to music to be honest. Not really sure why.

Pretty much never. I used to tear up at the end of literally every episode of Cold Case (the moment where the killer is brought to justice after all these years and we see the ghost of the victim looking on) but now it only ever comes out in moments of total disaster. Like if I can feel myself becoming totally overwhelmed and am terrified of losing my mind again. And even then I need to be talking to someone for that to show as me bursting into tears; otherwise I guess that bridge between my brain and my body isn't connected. 

I used to get a feeling like a build up of sadness and crying was trapped behind my eyes but wouldn't come out. Now I know what that was. Sometimes I get tearful when I'm just downright confused or frustrated ("worked up"...meltdown?) so it isn't always sadness. Sometimes tearful when things are a bit of a release so positive. Sometimes when I'm just "up past my bedtime". 

This is a very relatable reply too- thank you.

I certainly felt an awful lot post diagnosis. But in time, a lot of those emotions made way for lots of wonderful moments of realisation too. Time really was the key. That said, it’s still a very up and down journey a few years on, but definitely one I’m glad to have taken.

I hope things ease up for you in time. Lots of reflection too, but hopefully lots of self-acceptance to accompany as well.

Thank you for your reply. I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said here. I’ve often suspected alexithymia to be honest. What I’ve read certainly seems to point that way anyway.

Emotions are very funny things to try and pin down. Their very abstract nature makes them hard to describe and identify. That said, I certainly feel everything in a very vivid and intense way, often much later after an event. Which in turn, make identifying things quite tricky.

Recently I’ve seen some wonderful compassion and empathy on display and some equally awful stuff too. The mix probably got a bit much today and came out in that way. Caught me off guard, but I survived. Just ended up with a damp face is all!

Since confirming that I am autistic, I have cried a lot.  Thinking through past issues and some of the heart-breaking realities of being autistic .... Hopefully that will settle down as I get used to the new reality, but while I have bad days, even this is better than the dead-inside creature I was before.

Oakling said:

I think I know why I did, but often understanding my emotions can be a bit confusing for me.

Same here - had major event like grandparents, pets and even my father dying and not a tear.

Yet watching Big Fish (the film) had me in tears.

I can see the most harrowing of news stories and nothing, but some stories of self sacrefice for others will have me welling up.

I believe it is a common symptom of autism called Alexithymia.

A quote from the book by Jason Thompson - Emotionally Dumb -An Overview of Alexithymia

The alexithymic person is unable to discriminate the usual nuances of emotional life, leading to immense difficulties in personal and interpersonal functioning.

To feel and speak one’s emotions seems a most basic human ability, so it is hard to imagine individuals incapable of recognizing and speaking about their most basic feelings.