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unconscious masking?

brisket

hello!

for the past 2 months i have been doing research on autism in order to self-diagnose (i can't get a formal diagnosis), and i've looked back on moments in my life and my general behaviors/traits and experiences as i realized that they're very likely to be autistic traits and experiences. there's a lot of stuff that perfectly adds up.

i've also noticed some previously absent traits popping up. such as, i now stim by tapping or just moving my feet (previously i did it by just fidgeting with my hands or hugging blankets). i also just feel more free and content with myself - i guess you could say i feel ""more autistic"" now??? i'm not sure how to describe it???? i also feel comfortable with asking for accomodations (like asking people to speak directly) and such. this is probably just bc i finally figured out what was "wrong" with me, but i also wonder if i have masked some of my traits without realizing? i mean it could explain why some of them started popping up after i began researching

this is one hell of a thought process but yknow. i hope at least someone gets what im saying

  • It's quite a journey.  I'm a few more months in.   I had ruled out ASD some time ago because I couldn't find anything significant from my childhood.  I had a really normal, happy childhood. Then I realised that my normal wasn't really normal, just normal to me.  I feel 'more autistic now'.  I'm concerned that I might be subconsciously exaggerating somethings.  Like I've always been freaked out by loud noises and shouting. I hate football lol. Now I have my informal self-diagnosis, I'm just not prepared to do that loud sh*t anymore.  

  • Hi, I only realised I’m autistic 9 months ago, yes once you start going back in time, you start to realise that you did stim at school. If you realised it was being noticed you stopped and found  a less noticeable one. I find now if a situation is becoming over stimulating without me doing something about it, the chances are it’s only going to get worse. My wife wrote a letter last week for my assessment, it wasn’t until read it that a lot of things,  I thought as normal actually aren’t. I have found that my autism has become more pronounced, I’ve stopped the unconscious masking just a little, if I’m in a situation that’s too much, I now think I can react in my way, it’s okay to do so. I have different needs and I’m not going to suppress them anymore. Good luck with your journey.

  • The unconscious Mask, is part of the "Collective Psyche" as Jung talked about. I think he referred to the Persona.

    A good term being thrown about from an Autistic Experience is "Camouflaging" As getting to that unconscious clinical version of the mask doesn't just free mannerisms or external restrained actions. 

    For an Autist, I'm guessing burrowing into the subconscious might reveal that you never really felt guilt and that what you were accused of wasn't guilt but a different emotion altogether. We might have other things which shape us in some deeper places, though.

  • in reply to Martin

    I think I used to be MORE cruel before I knew. Now I do try to be sympathetic to how terrible it must be to be so desensitised. I can't wait till I'm much older and can actually tell a young man that the amount of cologne he's "imposing on everyone won't attract a mate, dear" Currently I don't exactly look my age, so it's more difficult. 

  • Knowledge of being autistic certainly freed me from a lot of unhealthy inhibitions. If I'm being horribly irritated by something, noise, someone's overpowering perfume or whatever, I no longer feel inhibited about moving away or complaining, I care much less about being thought rude or of drawing negative attention to myself.