unconscious masking?

hello!

for the past 2 months i have been doing research on autism in order to self-diagnose (i can't get a formal diagnosis), and i've looked back on moments in my life and my general behaviors/traits and experiences as i realized that they're very likely to be autistic traits and experiences. there's a lot of stuff that perfectly adds up.

i've also noticed some previously absent traits popping up. such as, i now stim by tapping or just moving my feet (previously i did it by just fidgeting with my hands or hugging blankets). i also just feel more free and content with myself - i guess you could say i feel ""more autistic"" now??? i'm not sure how to describe it???? i also feel comfortable with asking for accomodations (like asking people to speak directly) and such. this is probably just bc i finally figured out what was "wrong" with me, but i also wonder if i have masked some of my traits without realizing? i mean it could explain why some of them started popping up after i began researching

this is one hell of a thought process but yknow. i hope at least someone gets what im saying

Parents
  • It's quite a journey.  I'm a few more months in.   I had ruled out ASD some time ago because I couldn't find anything significant from my childhood.  I had a really normal, happy childhood. Then I realised that my normal wasn't really normal, just normal to me.  I feel 'more autistic now'.  I'm concerned that I might be subconsciously exaggerating somethings.  Like I've always been freaked out by loud noises and shouting. I hate football lol. Now I have my informal self-diagnosis, I'm just not prepared to do that loud sh*t anymore.  

Reply
  • It's quite a journey.  I'm a few more months in.   I had ruled out ASD some time ago because I couldn't find anything significant from my childhood.  I had a really normal, happy childhood. Then I realised that my normal wasn't really normal, just normal to me.  I feel 'more autistic now'.  I'm concerned that I might be subconsciously exaggerating somethings.  Like I've always been freaked out by loud noises and shouting. I hate football lol. Now I have my informal self-diagnosis, I'm just not prepared to do that loud sh*t anymore.  

Children
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