Cry for help

Thank you, the thought that it does get better is certainly comforting

Hi Billy I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I honestly can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. I'm not a mum and I struggle to cope with my own problems let alone look after a child.

When he's screaming could you try to distract him maybe with a fav toy or maybe a song he really likes? I'm sorry if that's not much help.

Please feel free to message me to vent when you need to. It's good to talk and get things off your chest xx

Thats possible actually , i didnt think of that. He understands about the baby coming and hes really excited about it but even so, its a massive change for him so it might be unsettling him more than we realise 

Thank you Rosie, thats really comforting. And Im so glad that you have been able to stop masking with your boyfriend. If hes been with you 3 years he clearly loves you for you and that includes your autism. Our autism isnt something shameful to hide away, its something we should be proud of cos it makes us the unique people we are

I am wondering if your son is finding the uncertainty of a new sibling a bit unsettling. One of the worst times here was when my husband went to hospital as an emergency.

I can also say at times it helps that I can understand him where we both find something difficult. 

My brother was more like that, than me, as a boy. However, he settled down; after growing up. I mistreated him, a bit, whenever he was little. However, I had rage issues, myself, at the time.

No, we only communicate via WhatsApp and text, but are civil to each other.

It is hard. I have a NT husband and it is hard for him at times with the two of us. 

I am not sure how old your son is. Mine is 14 and although there can be some challenging verbal experiences at times. I can say that in the last year he has started to find some ways of managing things.

It sounds like you’re going through a really hard time. I can’t relate to the children because I’m only 20 and don’t have any yet (although I do worry about when I do!) I do understand about worrying that the people around you will suddenly break! My boyfriend is the loveliest and most understanding person I’ve met in my whole life. We’ve been together for three years now but I’m constantly afraid one day he will realise that there are plenty of easier-to-cope-with neurotypical fish in the sea! The problem is, because I’m so worried about him breaking, I try to mask my autism and it only makes me more autistic because it leads to melt downs. I stopped having so many melt downs around him when I finally allowed myself to be wholeheartedly autistic around him so maybe this will help:

try to stop worrying that your wife will break. She seems like such a lovely lady and she fell in love with you for you, good and bad, that’s why she married you! She also would have been aware that you would likely have a neurodiverse child together and I have no doubt that she loves your son to pieces too- that’s why she’s having another one! Keep calm, breathe! I know your sons meltdowns, particularly because you’re autistic yourself, are harder to deal with than I can ever imagine but the one thing you can control is your worrying! Instead of thinking, “my wife is going to break if my son keeps shouting!” (Which will lead you to have a melt down too) try to just focus on the task in hand eg, your sons melt down. 

I hope this helps- I know things will get a little easier with time and patients! Congratulations on your new baby! 

No problems at all. 

Wishing you and your son a very happy day today 

me too, all four  

I always liked ballet and dancing on ice, looks like your ADHD made it possible for you,  

I'm to clumsy, but I'm durable and tireless physically, so I'll outlast everyone on this planet

a myriad forms of autism

Thank you. It's just occasional melancholy, when I feel like I could use a hug. I'm a lot better than a year ago, thanks to like-minded people on this forum, and I don't plan on going back to the bottom of the well of despair ever again.

All the replies on here today have been such a comfort to me and have given me so much energy to keep going.

I wrote that message today when I was desperate, my wife was out and my son was just at the most severe hes been, throwing, hitting etc, and I was having a meltdown didnt know what to do.

Hes a wonderful little boy and he is the light of my life. My wife is wonderful too but I just feel so bad for her that she has to deal with my autism and his. When we are both melting down at the same time I dont know how she copes. I fear it will break her soon and I dont want her to break. She is 7 months pregnant as well and the other day our little boy hit her in the stomach during a meltdown and she had to go to hospital to have the baby checked. Its not the first time this has happened. While she was in hospitla he was melting down on me and I was having a breakdown from worrying about her and the baby and from the huge sensory overload of all the noise and everything going on. It was one of the toughest days of my life.

Thankfully the baby and my wife are fine. Its just hard you know. Its such a comfort to be on here and get to talk to you all about it. 

You have just explained it so well, far better than I ever could. The explanation about how it feels to have a sensory overload and what I need to do to escape it but cant do with my child is far better than I could ever have put it. It will help me explain it to my wife and to other people but mainly its just comforting to read what you wrote and know thats whats going on in my head, it helps myself to understand it if that makes sense 

"you have someone to live for, hoping his life will be better,thanks to you"

I cant tell you how much this quote has helped me this evening, I actually dont have words. Every time he has been tough to deal with this evening I have just looked at him and reminded myself of this and it has kept me going. Truly, you dont know how much that has meant to me 

I am sorry to hear you are so lonely and I really hope you dont give up. I dont know how helpful you find online friends but you have always been someone on here that I have found it easy to talk to and anytime you want to talk I am here 

Thank you that means more to me than I can say

Im not alone as my wife is wonderful with both me and him but it is so hard for her to cope with two peoples autism, I fear if I put too much on her she might break

Also, when she is out at work or doing things and its just me and him in the house thats when all this happens. I know what you mean about not having time to relax thats exactly how i feel

You might be lonely but you’re not alone in being lonely :) I want to make some friends but people stress me out!

I can't help by offering any advice as I don't have children but I just wanted to say that I read your message and I hear you. By posting here you are not alone.

When I have a sensory overload I want nothing more to retreat to a dark, silent room and not have to interact with anyone or face any responsibilities. I can only begin to imagine how difficult it is when you have a child that is dependent on you and you cannot do this especially if the child is the source of your sensory overload. I know there are lots of people here on this forum who do have children though, so hopefully more of these people will be able to share their experiences and methods of coping with you.

I like to always believe that solutions to confusing and difficult problems can be found but sometimes it takes a bit of figuring out and we don't always find the best solution immediately. But never give up or think it is impossible. Asking for help is always a good thing. I am sure you are a wonderful parent.

Sending solidarity, even if in a strange and useless way.

I'm sorry you feel this. The times my son did this when young I was able to work out the problems. There was an issue with Chocolate: it would cause incredible meltdowns. I didn't know I wasn't coping when he was young, so I was a bit on auto-pilot and not taking care of myself like I needed. It can be really hard. Do you have a friend or a group you attend weekly?

I don't have children but I want you to know I'm here for you.

Writing here is good as well because it means it's not being bottled up. I'm always here for you if you need me.