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Cry for help

Billy87

I am really confused and just need some help. 

How do I cope with being autistic myself and having a severely autistic son? I feel sometimes like I can cope with either my autism or his but not both. When he is screaming high pitched screams at me or hitting me or pinching or throwing things at me it is the ultimate sensory overload. I dont know how to cope with it and help him while Im having a sensory overload and meltdown myslef

Please help, I have no other autistic people I can talk to about this at the moment and I am so lonley and confused 

Parents

  • All the replies on here today have been such a comfort to me and have given me so much energy to keep going.

    I wrote that message today when I was desperate, my wife was out and my son was just at the most severe hes been, throwing, hitting etc, and I was having a meltdown didnt know what to do.

    Hes a wonderful little boy and he is the light of my life. My wife is wonderful too but I just feel so bad for her that she has to deal with my autism and his. When we are both melting down at the same time I dont know how she copes. I fear it will break her soon and I dont want her to break. She is 7 months pregnant as well and the other day our little boy hit her in the stomach during a meltdown and she had to go to hospital to have the baby checked. Its not the first time this has happened. While she was in hospitla he was melting down on me and I was having a breakdown from worrying about her and the baby and from the huge sensory overload of all the noise and everything going on. It was one of the toughest days of my life.

    Thankfully the baby and my wife are fine. Its just hard you know. Its such a comfort to be on here and get to talk to you all about it. 

  • in reply to Billy87

    It sounds like you’re going through a really hard time. I can’t relate to the children because I’m only 20 and don’t have any yet (although I do worry about when I do!) I do understand about worrying that the people around you will suddenly break! My boyfriend is the loveliest and most understanding person I’ve met in my whole life. We’ve been together for three years now but I’m constantly afraid one day he will realise that there are plenty of easier-to-cope-with neurotypical fish in the sea! The problem is, because I’m so worried about him breaking, I try to mask my autism and it only makes me more autistic because it leads to melt downs. I stopped having so many melt downs around him when I finally allowed myself to be wholeheartedly autistic around him so maybe this will help:

    try to stop worrying that your wife will break. She seems like such a lovely lady and she fell in love with you for you, good and bad, that’s why she married you! She also would have been aware that you would likely have a neurodiverse child together and I have no doubt that she loves your son to pieces too- that’s why she’s having another one! Keep calm, breathe! I know your sons meltdowns, particularly because you’re autistic yourself, are harder to deal with than I can ever imagine but the one thing you can control is your worrying! Instead of thinking, “my wife is going to break if my son keeps shouting!” (Which will lead you to have a melt down too) try to just focus on the task in hand eg, your sons melt down. 

    I hope this helps- I know things will get a little easier with time and patients! Congratulations on your new baby! 

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  • in reply to Billy87

    It sounds like you’re going through a really hard time. I can’t relate to the children because I’m only 20 and don’t have any yet (although I do worry about when I do!) I do understand about worrying that the people around you will suddenly break! My boyfriend is the loveliest and most understanding person I’ve met in my whole life. We’ve been together for three years now but I’m constantly afraid one day he will realise that there are plenty of easier-to-cope-with neurotypical fish in the sea! The problem is, because I’m so worried about him breaking, I try to mask my autism and it only makes me more autistic because it leads to melt downs. I stopped having so many melt downs around him when I finally allowed myself to be wholeheartedly autistic around him so maybe this will help:

    try to stop worrying that your wife will break. She seems like such a lovely lady and she fell in love with you for you, good and bad, that’s why she married you! She also would have been aware that you would likely have a neurodiverse child together and I have no doubt that she loves your son to pieces too- that’s why she’s having another one! Keep calm, breathe! I know your sons meltdowns, particularly because you’re autistic yourself, are harder to deal with than I can ever imagine but the one thing you can control is your worrying! Instead of thinking, “my wife is going to break if my son keeps shouting!” (Which will lead you to have a melt down too) try to just focus on the task in hand eg, your sons melt down. 

    I hope this helps- I know things will get a little easier with time and patients! Congratulations on your new baby! 

Children
  • in reply to Rosie

    Thank you Rosie, thats really comforting. And Im so glad that you have been able to stop masking with your boyfriend. If hes been with you 3 years he clearly loves you for you and that includes your autism. Our autism isnt something shameful to hide away, its something we should be proud of cos it makes us the unique people we are