Unmasking and becoming more disabled

Hey everyone, hope we're all good. I'm 24 and only just realising I may be the spectrum, and things are already proving to be difficult, it's hitting like a tone of bricks.

Been reading a lot lately about the concept of masking and it really speaks to me, especially 'scripting'  conversations from preparing topics, subjects and jokes in advance to people, I still constantly have imaginary conversations in my head to people. This is what I've done my whole life, I have to do to this to have preparation. I've always struggled socially in life, yet I'm not a shy person at all, I can speak to crowds. I'm absolutely different. How can I stop 'scripting' conversations, it's so hard not doing it and trusting that I can do spontaneous talk, I've noticed that when I haven't scripted I say more yet the other day I was accidentally rude to a woman, I'm scared of it happening again.

I'm also becoming much more forgetful now as a person, as though ADHD is kicking in. I'm on a 2 year waiting list, I cannot wait this long. I'm also hypersensitive to loud noise, and I'm generally worried how well I'm functioning now. 

Parents
  • spontaneous talk

    as you said, it's risky business with strangers, it's safe to have scripted responses

    but with people you know some time, you can try it, hopefully some of them will be understanding and won't misinterpret what you said as rude

  • Even with family tho, I would say that I also script. I rehearse what topics I can bring up too, so again, it's really like I have no other way to be a human being. 

    It's as though I would now need a proper routine just to function, which I generally haven't needed all my life. I want each day to be as spontaneous and different as possible, even though I regularly need to plan what I like to do. 

Reply
  • Even with family tho, I would say that I also script. I rehearse what topics I can bring up too, so again, it's really like I have no other way to be a human being. 

    It's as though I would now need a proper routine just to function, which I generally haven't needed all my life. I want each day to be as spontaneous and different as possible, even though I regularly need to plan what I like to do. 

Children
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