Stimming

we stim for 2 reasons - either to stimulate thinking about something specific, or to fight anxiety. I would say it makes you anxious to think about yourself like that, and you have no idea why, or what's for, so your subconsciousness is stimming to fight raising anxiety.

I recently watched a video about stimming www.youtube.com/watch and it turns out that many of my gestures and moves in childhood (3-8 from video) are considered stimming, so I was doing it unawares. Some of them continued into adulthood, and I do them all the time.

I can lie in my head, but when I try to say iot outloud I begin to stammer. I would say I experience similar reluctance when I try to consider how to do it without stammering.. 

How do you mean lie in your head. I was hitting myself over the head...crying lile mad. Panic attacks you name it. My body will do wierd freakout etc

How do you mean lie in your head. I was hitting myself over the head...crying lile mad. Panic attacks you name it. My body will do wierd freakout etc

It feels like stuckness in the body

I'm only trying to understand. So it's not your body trying to prevent you from doing something. ok