Published on 12, July, 2020
Put bluntly im struggling to cope. I am told its ok not to work but cant get past the guilt. People say its ok and to chill but i feel like ive wasted my life. My family say they love me and to be happy but i cant seem to accept not having lives the obligations of adulthood. Anyone here not work but is supported or partner to someone with asd who doesnt...how is it
I am in the exactly same situation. Not worked for the last 10 years but have been raising my two youngest. The guilt has eaten me up that much that i think it has contributed to one of the reasons i spilt from my partner this year!!! I am now a single parent, living of benefits but slowly looking into doing some volunteer work. I would LOVE to go back to work and the thought of it scares me to death but i am going to give it one last try. If it affects my health then i am going to give up and have to accept i cannot work in a main stream job.
I had my first job when i was 17 - that lasted 3 months. I then had my first child, went to college and got my next job, which lasted 4 years and was probably one of my best jobs but in this i felt i was an imposter and somehow managed to hold it down, pretending i knew what i was doing!!! i eventually left because of my mental health but being honest i left because the lady i was working with was reducing her hours and i had the chanced to go full time. the thought of this freaked me out (i always went to her when i was struggling with work) so the thought of more responsibility freaked me out and i left!!!
the next 4 years i had 3 more jobs, each one getting worse and draining me but all of this pre diagnosis of Autism
I got my diagnosis last year and i am still having to deal with my mental health
sorry if i have gone off track but please think of yourself and if working is not an option then fight the guilt. We have not asked for this, it does not matter what others think. We do grow in a society where it is frowned upon to not be working but work is not the be all or end all. One of my therapists asked me to challenge this thought as even they said work is not everything.
Go with what your gut says and try and be kind on yourself. Only YOU know what your limits are and if working affects your health then do something else. we only get one life
IT is OK not to work, try and ignore the thoughts you think others have about you - take it from me the guilt will eat you up!!!
It goes somewhat deeper for me. I came out of school 14 and did a bit of college. Did a couple of cleaning jobs that lasted weeks and a volunteet it thing for a bit. Ive never reaĺly had that work ethic or understood how important it was to grow. I spent my time on computer always frightened..i remember having 80p one week and had just noodles. It was like something didnt click. Fast forward and i am married with a child...ive never worked for them and wife did alot more than i although i was always loving to them. Now my wife is working my life is falling apart. Im struggling with routine and basics constanly anxious and feel its gone horrificly wrong and i was entitled or lazy. I do some chores and cook some meals dor little one but i also feel im not thinking at all loke other people...no ambition..wanting to do minimal...because it feels ive been a child and never grew up. The idea of work is beyond terrifing because i struggle woth even basic interaction. Its all leftt me feeling like an unfit father and at the very least like i am so screwed up i cant fulfil even the basicc adult things like bills etc. Im looked after and im 40 put another way its loke im lazy or have no autonomy
I know that feeling
Its frightening cause i feel so under equipped to cope even if i do more it will still be not enough
Your not lazy at all. I think we avoid work and try to do the minimal, not because we're lazy but because it is so overwhelming for us. Doing a little bit for us is more draining than doing loads for normal people